In Jesus's name, AMEN.

Hiyaaaaa

Shucks.. last night I was having insomnia again like I always do every Sunday.. coz Fri & Sat night will sleep late and Sun body will not be used to sleeping early.. so slept at 2plus.. as a result, woke up not so early as usual, missed the bus and taxi again... grrr... not only that... did not iron clothes on time, so decided to squeeze into this pair of pants that I last snugly managed to get into on my 21st birthday. Pain sia... especially after lunch... the pants were killing me!!! Grrr... so tight... and also wore specs today coz was late. Sure felt nerdy. Gee.

Haha my colleagues wanted to go for a steamboat soon... erm, unfortunately the dates they chose I was pretty busy... haha... sure feels good to be so 'packed'. Well sorta... I still havent done my crunches yet nor bike lessons. Anyway its sceduled for 24th Feb. They wanted 17th but I wanna check out that Gospel of Matthew thingy, 1st day. Anyway I just realised on New Year's Eve me will be alone stoning in the office!! Coz everyone is on half day!! Canteen will be closed too.. geee... Nvm.. no supervision then.. kekekeke *winks*

Anyway.. got few more stuff to tell, but I wanna go sleep else tomorow I'll cause problems for myself. Before I go just wanna share something. Last night I slept at 2 plus. Suddenly in the middle of my slumber I felt something enter my room.. like 'whoosh' a gust of wind.. seriously it felt like that...something funny.. had goose pimples and all that... I just suddenly woke up. My whole body became numb.. as usual. I think its a 'thing' whatever you wanna call it. Last had it a few weeks back... which Jock said probably could be my own fear? I didn't believe him.. coz I had this experience before... a couple of years back. Besides I can't just suddenly wake up just like that with the feeling right there. Well usually I will be numb like I said.. eyes tightly shut... body frozen.. voice also.. usually I will be muttering some fixed prayers like Hail Mary all that in my head until that feeling goes away. Coz can't seem to say it out aloud. Then after some substantial amount of time only would I move and open my eyes. Anyway.. last night.. felt the usual woosh... although I was suddenly woken, was also slightly in a daze....then I felt that thing come right up to my shoulders... like last time!! My covers were right up to my ear and yet I felt that thing. And then felt nudging twice when suddenly I surprised myself... I found my voice, opened my vocals and said,

"Go away in Jesus's name! Amen!"

IMMEDIATELY I felt it gone. Just like that! One moment it was right up close, next moment, swish, gone. Amazing I tell you. I surprised myself!! It was the first time I spoke out. Usually it will just be silent prayers. And from the last time, a few days after the last incident, I was preparing myself for what to say... like, how do I say it..like, "Begone I command you in Jesus's name" or something, then I forgot about it. And I was a bit scared too I tell you. So this time I was like totally unprepared!!! And it sounded wierd my voice... out in the silence... and yet so clear.. amazing. And this time I was more of irritated then of scared.. like leave me alone!! You can tell from the words 'Go away' that I said, lol. I think Jesus is showing me things. That he's always there for one. Coz I've been tending to doubt that he listens lately coz of the stuff on my mind. He is also showing me of his wonderful love he has for me and his protection. No, he is rather, reassuring me of it. I mean, its so amazing, I never did that before. And the words just came. And so apt, after yesterday when I was so down, he held me in his arms and comforted me... he really did... coz after that I amazingly became calm, and peaceful.. like he is in control.

Haha.. this sorta reminds me of when I was small, used to read stories of how monsters will appear to little children.. and these children would make the sign of the cross at the monster and it would simply vanish. This is true. I must go and find out the names of the people/saints.

In fact... when you think about it... the things that most human beings tend to worry about.. are nothing compared to the sufferings of the world. Why worry about mere problems.. there is hunger and war and disease and corruption in the world. We should do something about it. Mother Theresa is very inspirational. I must go read more Saints lives and their stories.

Another thing which is so amazing is the miracle he granted me. I can't wait to announce to the whole world what it is really!! Haha.. when when I'm thinking... coz I miss last Fri's Praise and we would not be having praise for some time.. I'm bursting with the secret. I think some of you may know what it is by now. Each time I look at myself or think about it I am amazed. It could only be a miracle of God, besides, I had asked him for it. Now's my time to testify. Just like that *snap* Amazing, awesome, wonderful, beautiful, powerful God. Like Mother Theresa merely being a pencil in his hand, I am merely his instrument. I am probably just a pin. Maybe even smaller. God is just so wonderful. I can't wait to be with him in heaven.

Hope you are touched by him too, and always know that he loves you so much. Every little thing counts.

Good night, God bless. Always.
Love,
~ Marie
10.30PM

The Beatitudes... blessed are those...

Today's Gospel is about happiness. Blessed are those who... etc.

Today's 2nd reading: 1 Corinthians 1:26-31
God chose the weak of the world
Brothers and sisters, look and see whom God has called. Few among you can be said to be cultured or wealthy, few belong to noble families. Yet God has chosen what the world considers foolish, to shame the wose; he has chosen what the world considers weak to shame the strong, God has chosen common and unimportant people, making use of what is nothing to nullify the things that are, so that no mortal my boast before God. But, by God's graceyou are in Christ Jesus, who has become our wisdom from God, and who makes us just and holy and free. Scripture says: Let the one who boasts boast of the Lord.

Hmm, meaning, yes, no?

Oh well.

Today I was reminded by God that he is always there!!! Hahaha. He's always been there. I just... don't know what to say about myself. I've forgotten to draw strength from God and that he is really there and listens and understands and answers in his own time even though nothing is happening. He has shown me that it is time to move on to a different phrase and he has provided me with the help to do so. It's right smack in my face I'm so blind. I have all the opportunities in the world for my spiritual growth that is right smack in my lap but I've just been too blind to see. Today my eyes have been opened.. and I'm gonna make full use of it. Never ever stop praying, never ever stop being in constant communication with God. I thank you Lord.. with all my heart. Time and again you've never failed me.

God bless.
~ Marie, 11.45pm

Reflections of the week!!

Hey hey!! How was your Sat? It’s fast man doncha think? Time that is.

Today I went Ikea with Seb. He wanted to buy his quilt cover. While waiting for him I was leaning against the railing and suddenly I felt ticklish and saw a little green spider. Eeeeks. It was rubbing its ‘fangs’. Yucks. Hope it didn’t bite me without me knowing haha. I think this month it’s gonna be the most number of times I’ve ever been to that area – Anchorpoint etc. In fact I seldom go there haha. After that we had difficulty thinking of where to go coz it was so early. Was 8plus!! So decided to go Marina Square but ended up at ‘Fuzion’ Millenia Walk where we drank smoothies. Its great to be able to drink such drinks. *hint* Anyway, so empty that area. Wonder why pple don’t go there. So different compared to City Hall. Anyway I had a great time as always. Wish he didn’t stay so far from me though. He stays in Bedok.

Anyway.. just now I was just messaging a few of my ‘old’ friends how they were. A couple replied. Another one was wrong number already. Okie, time to delete it off. Anyway the one who replied was one of my ex ‘supervisors’. He was the Cinema Executive when I was working part time at GV. He was 4 years my senior, that time I was 19, he was 23, as were most of them. Haha, so funny now I’m coming to 23. Anyway, he’s one great person to know even though I haven’t met him, in, 2 years, coming to 3? Haha. I remember.. back in 2002… I took a break for the exams.. and when I came back, we had new faces and he was one of them. Somehow he seemed to know me. I think I didn’t like him at first (thought he was cocky and fierce haha!) but he turned out to be one of the nicest. He was one of those people whom you could look up to. Had authority, responsibility, was understanding of situations, could joke, and basically was an all round nice guy. In fact, I went to my first club with him, Alvin (another executive) and Seb (whom was working with me at GV at that time). Boom Boom Room. Yep, the very club that closed down a week or so ago. *sobsob* Memories sia. I sorta ‘pestered’ them as usual.. well not really pester lah.. asked them could we go clubbing since I really wanted to, but no khaki.. they were so sweet.. they were working on that Sat, but because of me, they didn’t go home and rest, spent their night with me. At first it was me, Wence (that’s his name) and Alvin. Coz I didn’t think Seb would actually club. Yeah I thought he was pretty kwai that time. He still is in a way :) anyway, yup.. then when we were walking to the club, Wence decided to call him.. and he came!! But he didn’t know that we were clubbing… thought we were just meeting up. And then when we were about to go in, Wence was like, (to Alvin) ‘You pay for her, I pay for him’.. I was like so surprised. I mean, I suggested it, and obviously we would be going Dutch. But they really did pay for us and I felt slightly bad.. coz then they spent close to $50 each… just coz of me. And I also admire that quality in them.. whereby, in their position, they probably thought that they were working and we were not, so decided to treat us. It's not a must, or a rule, but it's a nice gesture. Something that I've seen in another person too, but not many. I guess it also depends on the moment, and how much you earn. I know I can't really do it for pple whom I'm not close too, coz firstly I earn so little, secodnly, I'm more of a pressies buying person rather than a treating person. But that day it was fun. One song I remember was Ricky Martin ‘She Bangs’. And the drag show was pretty funny. Plus it was someone’s birthday so a bit of ‘saboing’, lol. And it was when I knew my first alcoholic drink, Vodka 7Up. Hehe… and that was the only alcoholic drink I knew and drank until my bdae last year when I was introduced to Baileys and flaming Lamborghini’s. Anyway, it was really sweet of them and I couldn’t bear to leave at 2 plus. I was also very sad when Alvin had to be transferred to another GV and later Wence too. Oh well. Right now Alvin seems to have disappeared but thank God, Wence is still keeping in touch with me. Hope I can meet up with him one of these days. That would be fantastic.

Yeah. :) Besides looking up to him, I’m sure by now you can guess I had a little crush on him at that time. Haha. ;) Anyway by having a crush, it does not necessarily mean ooh, I wanna be in a relationship with you. It could simply means I admire their qualities. Anyway, that was a long time ago, and I’m so privilege to have known someone like him, as there are not that many people like that out there. He was really a great supervisor, understanding about schedules and all that, helping us out at the candy bar, box office, coming to chit chat once in a while, making sure we ate and all that. And I’m going to be 23 soon!! Can I be like that, I wonder. I mean, have all those great qualities. Or will I be as immature and irresponsible and blur as ever. Oh well. Hee. :)

I always seem to like the same kind of guys too. Mature, responsible, know how to handle situations (that’s being mature/responsible isn’t it) haha, caring and having a sense of humour at the same time. I wonder will I ever end up with that sorta person, who will like me too. Coz looking back.. my past 2 relationships.. it seemed like I got into them for the sake of getting into them. In the beginning it was all so lovey dovey. And also, I wasn’t friends with them long before I got into the relationship. Hmm, well I guess you make mistakes and learn from them. All I know is I sure don’t wanna waste another 2 years of my life with the wrong person when I sorta knew that right from the start. Haha. Anyway, not to worry, now’s the time to enjoy!!! Else I miss out on the finer things in life and be too old to try them out. Btw, clubbing anyone??? Me wanna dance!!

Oh yeah… and guess what.. I found out earlier this week that the cute guy in my office is merely a coupld of years older than me! I thought he looked young. Now to get to know him… muahaha :D

Oh yeah, yesterday’s retreat was fun. I went for 6pm weekday mass at Holy Spirit.. and thought I could still reach church at 7.30pm. But I was still at Orchard at 7.15pm!! My goodness. As a result, taxi again! * roll eyes* $2 surcharge CDB. And worse, I almost had a heart attack coz the taxi driver didn’t know where Kampong Bahru Road was. Luckily he figured that out later. So I was late, but not too late. Reached about 7.45pm. At the lift landing saw this girl standing there looking very fierce and sullen. She was dressed in Bermudas and a tee and looked like a boy. Anyway as we got in the lift, she was like, ‘ur one of the facilitators’? I was like yeah.. then silence. Then I asked, ‘r u one of them too’? And she said no, she was one of the teachers!! Oh my goodness. Haha… she looked like a student herself. And later on saw that she was really a teacher, when she addressed the kids. Anyway.. met Amilia, Edwyn and Ivan, all from CAYC. And Audrey & Jocelyn from a group at Novena church (I can’t remember gotta check that out :P) and also, Shaun and John.. can’t remember which church also.. and others, haha. Amilia was really nice, thanking me and apologising to me for I’m not sure what before and after. Erm, Edwyn was a bit sullen.. I mean not so friendly until Fr Quek introed. The rest ok lah, especially Audrey and Jocelyn who were really funny. They were much older than me, just like I am much older than most of the styggies. Lol. And I doubt if they’d all remember me after this, but we’ll see if we bump into them again, hee.

What happened was, things didn’t go as planned at Sentosa, where the girls were supposed to be at 3pm. They didn’t eat at all!! So actually at 8pm, they were supposed to have a session, but they scrapped that and decided to play a game instead to lift their spirits up. The game played was called ‘dragons game’, whereby they get into groups, and put their hands on each other’s shoulders in a line. Kinda like a long chain. The first person in each group is supposed to grab the towel that is sticking out in the shorts of the last person’s group! Haha…. Dunno if you can tell how fun it was from what I’m typing but it was. Total chaos. I joined in for one game too, supposed to be the last person, but it didn’t work too well, as I was wearing a skirt, the towel kept falling off. Hee. And one girl got injured too, as she fell, started bleeding from the knee. Oh well. Other times I just stood there, like most of them. And one of them told me I looked ‘lost’ and that most of the time what they do is just stand around. Haha. Well, kinda true.. felt pretty lost and helpless not sure what to do. But it was fun lah. Saw some familiar facses like Marianne!! and Felicia, etc. Sorry I couldn’t stay.. was surprised that you came to me to ask. Anyway, what did I learn? I leant.. I gotta stop being a bit blur and react quickly on some occasions!! Lol… And well, nothing much… except to put your heart and soul when organising these sorta things…like they did. And then after that Brother asked if I would be helping out on Sat, since I changed my working day, and I said no.. :P I think he wanted me to, but oh well. Anyway, it’s pretty scary when people look up to you.. I guess I’m so used to being the youngest and looking up to others. That’s something I gotta brush up on too.

Anyway I was really happy when I saw them. I don’t know, I guess it’s just their company that purely makes me happy. But after that, I felt lost again. But I’m very grateful to you for noticing. And when you did mention it, you did so in a nice way, and not just asked me an awkward question. The funny thing is, I’m not very close to you. But you’ve always been nice to me. I don’t think you’ll ever be reading this, but I thank God that there are still genuinely nice people like you around and you’re really special to me. I’ll be praying for you :)

I realise that my mood of the week has changed to being pretty happy. I guess I gotta learn to balance between work and play (the motto of my primary sch, Radin Mas!!) which I seemed not to be doing at the start of the week. Just kept plain worrying. Tomorow will be back to thinking about work again, and what to do, how I wanna do it and the necessary things to be done. But I think I'll be ok.


There are a few types of people in this world, that I like, and hopefully for some of them, consider as a friend. (although you prob won’t be reading this, but a tribute :) )

Top on my list… my friends like Seb, Karen, work buddies like Regine, Sandhya. Simply coz I can truly be myself with you guys. I can crack jokes and be silly, and disturb you, with you getting the joke and not being offended or saying something sarcastic back. Especially Seb & Karen, I can talk with you guys about mostly anything. I can simply just enjoy your company even though we might not say anything. That’s the way it is. Regine & Sandhya… for making life bearable at work and adding fun into it!!

Friends like Mai, Nazira, Meixin, Sihan, Wence.. some whom I’ve known for ages, have not really met up so often, but whom still keep in touch. I value your friendship a lot, and I thank you for your sincerity in maintaining it. With the exception of Mai of course, whom I have been able to meet up with lately. I thank you for being my great msn/sms buddy!! Without such people, to keep me company online or through the day, life would be Boring. With a capital B.

People of ‘authority’.., people who have always been there but always seem so ‘dao’. Haha. Probably just looks or appearances being deceiving. Being where I am now has sorta given me the opportunity to get to know you. Its up to me where I wanna take it. I will try to break the ice and the ‘perception’ I have of you guys and learn from you as much as possible. People who seem bias too. Oh well, I guess I gotta live with you, or, I must just bump into you again so I guess I gotta learn how to like you.

People who are of different wavelengths, and who may share different interests from me. You guys are really unique and special. I guess I will just carry on praying and trying to reach out to you guys, coz I believe that God put you in my life for a reason… and not to know you guys even though sometimes I may not know what you are talking about, would be unthinkable!! Hee…

Good night and God bless.
Love, ~ Marie
1.20am

Must Do LIST

Hahhah.. before I update you of today, I must penn this down.. and please remind me if I forget...

1. Must get that TONED TUMMY - 100 crunches a day (yeah rite...) haha.. or at least exercise twice a week? (busy schedule lah lol)... erm.. must must MUST then can wear bikini and go to Aussie with Karen and suntan... well me will be under the umbrella lah.. tanned enough muahaha... well at least then got tummy to show off...

2. Must resume that motorbike lessons.. thought of taking car lessons lately.. coz more comfortable and safe.. but since I started motorbike might as well finish.. shucks I wore skirt today if not could practise on Jock's bike...

3. DISCIPLINE myself... some days of the week have to be back or at least sleep by 11pm to get my 8 hours of beauty sleep, and so I do not have to take taxi.. oh my goodness the amount I spent on taxi ever since I started working!!!!

4. MUST fit at least half an hour of nightly prayers to Jesus... not enough to just be happy or talk to him throughout the day.. you know what.. last Sunday.... throughout the day I was praying and all that.. went for double mass... coz the 10am mass I went to went in late also... anyway... when it came to night time, just decided to sleep like that... without much praying.. just some muttered fixed prayers.. and guess what... me kena nighmares... bad dreams rather...yeah... so lesson learnt yeah!! Haha... also could be because.. before you sleep... if you pray means you are meditating on God.. so you have peaceful sleep.. know what I mean.. keke... the past few days in the week.. I didn't really pray that much.. I did lament to him and cry out to him though :P .... but I did have peaceful sleep. Keke :)

Well these are some of the more important things that are on my list.... kekeke... that I better get down to doing FAST. Also..... bwahahhaa I wanna meet new people!!!! I got lots of interests I like to do but no pple who share the mutual interests as me.. like pubbing/clubbing... for ages I've been trying to find pple to go with me... but never ever managed to... especially clubbing... sigh sigh.. and I can't just go with anyone you know? Gotta go with the right people... oh well. Haha..

Much Happier...

Hihi...

Just a quick sharing before I go and sleep.

Much, much happier today. Today during lunch I called Amilia. Told her that only me was able to help and whether its ok. She was like, 'one person means alot!' and I was happy... so tomorow I'll be meeting the people from CAYC. I wonder what I'll be going to do.. but this sorta things don't really matter.. coz I know that I'll be happy. Come to think of it, Jesus is really good to me. When I first started out after the election.. I started going to youth websites and checking it out and all that. One of the websites I visited was CAYC - Catholic Association Youth Council (If i got it correct). I think they are like the main Catholic group for youths in Singapore. I mean like the overall... you know, individual churches have their own groups, this one is like for the whole country like that I think. And I was thinking, perhaps our group can join their activities and we can get to know them and stuff. Then I got busy with other stuff and put that thought aside.

Haha... suddenly last Sun.. bro brought this up to us.. said that St. Theresa's Convent was having a retreat and CAYC was in charge. CAYC was like unfamiliar.. coz I kinda forgotten about it. I knew it would be good to help out but the problem is, how to convince the group in such a short notice. Haha. In the end called Amilia (one of the coordinators) on Tues.. and asked whether they needed help, and they did. All the more why I thought would be great to help out. You know, just helping out fellow humans, the very essence of just purely helping pple in need. And this one we could learn something too. But then of course there were doubts about helping out, normal ones that I would have too.. like what would be expected of us to do, we have our own P&W on Fridays (it was a Fri & Sat thingy), so few of us helping out. So in the end decided not too. Was slightly disappointed, coz I thought we could help out as a group. Like a bunch of us from St. Theresa's Youth Group, the 'on' pple. Haha. But oh well. And then we met Brother after our meeting, who was like, 'y, this would be good, its not often they come to our retreat centre, next time they would be able to help you out too'... so in the end, we would be helping out again.. but only for sat coz fri was P&W. In the end, Amilia said they needed help for Fri. Okie.. haha... from about 8pm onwards... I somehow knew that most of us would not be able to make it on Fri and that turned out to be the case. However as I was sitting at the front of the church on Wed before praying, I decided that.. no matter what, I would still help... and I was very happy that Amilia said that I was welcome to! Haha... in a way, I was happy coz firstly, I was not dependent on the group... independent in decision making for myself.. secondly, I won't be losing out or regreting a thing, for myself in that matter. We have P & W every Friday. I love to meet new people and haven't been getting the chance to do so recently. This would be a great learning opportunity and furthermore, its pple from CAYC!!! Yayyy... it's like Jesus remembered and knows what I was thinking before (to get this contact) and he provided me with the perfect opportunity, right in my lap. I did not have to go all out to get the contacts for CAYC, it was given to me. Kewl right. And in future, this contact will help us for the youth group. We'll see how tomorow goes. Praise the Lord. I know Jesus loves me no matter what. Just going through a difficult time right now. Jesus will you be helping me.... I feel so alone. Sigh.

Anyway later on after work I had a GREAT time!!! I was really so happy... of course, not as happy as when I'm in God's presence being consoled by him, but almost as good hahah... I met up with Karen!!! Yeah, one of my best buds. Hmm, lemme see... it was a girl's night out. We went to Suntec to eat dinner at the food court... then.. walk walk.. checked out Mango... etc etc.. then we went Esplanade... and went to 'Max Brenner' chocolate by the bald man... haha.... we sat there for quite some time as the choc drink we had was pretty thick and we had trouble finishing it.. but what I loved about the outing was.. that we just spent time... sitting and talking... and later on in the bus too... and not one time did I think of the church work that I had to do. Wonderful. Yeah, that's the thing that has been troubling me lately. It was perfect just now. Coz we shared alot of things in common, and this is just the thing that I like to do, go out at night, check out the shops, walk walk, sit in some cosy place and talk. Perfect. And I got next week to look forward to, going out with her again. Boy, am I gonna miss her and be even more lonely when she goes back to Aussie. Sigh. Well I guess I have Seb and Mai.. but you guys seem so busy like that. I think the moral of the story here for me is, try not to worry myself and go out and enjoy amidst my busy schedule. Yeah. Coz I need that break once in a while. Sigh... I hope things work out. Right now I'm just bearing with things bcoz... I wanna do God's will and answer God's call for me. Yeah I admit I'm not exactly very happy :( Not with the responsibilities part. But with the situations I'm in, with how Im handling them, (not very well I guess) with the work that is there to be done but seems to be going nowhere. I guess it's never easy ain't it. Sobsob. Remind myself again - why am I doing this? Only for you Jesus. Coz I love you. I know ultimately I will be happy... coz ultimately I'll be doing his will. But the road is never easy I guess. Till I be with you.. in heaven.. can't wait man Jesus... haha... Good night...

Love, & God bless,
~ Marie

Shacked...

Hihi... in about 10minutes I'm gonna konk off.. just a few reflections b4 I zzz...

Although I'll probably be rattling nonsense... coz I'm in a daze.. hehe

You know.. having the title 'president' is great! Yeah yeah.. its fantastic.. but it ain't just a title... alot of responsibilties and stuff like that come with it too, that probably make it not so great.. haha... Hmm.. I wonder who voted for me.. kekeke... yeah you tend to wonder about these kind of things.. can't help it lol... I wonder who vote.. or is it, maybe they didn't, by some miracle God wanted me to be president so the votes were in my favour? Haha... I'm full of nonsense rite.. as my best fren Seb would say (copied from me) nonsentical nonsense.

One thing at a time... look to God.. can't go wrong.. oh well... things seem pretty haywire though.. I guess coz I'm not managing well.. I have work, have stuff on after work.. stuff to do everyday.. so I guess thats probably a reason. No breather!! Haha... I'm also wondering how to pull everyone together when no one seems interested. It starts with us. And I would be the one people come to when they want to know whats happening and I can't tell them nothing is!! Bwahahhaah :( haha.. stress myself... or is it for nothing?

Oh well.. Im so tired I don't know if I will even enjoy myself tomorow.. meeting Karen at Suntec.. oh well.. I do know that I am excited about helping out on Friday.. even though its by myself... and provided they'll have just me of course. Tomorow gotta call Amelia. Well, I'll get to meet new people, learn something new, and get myself some contacts.. OH MY GOODNESS I just checked it out... Amilia is from CAYC... Catholic Association Youth Council... one of the coordinators... oh my.. and I talked to her!! And I was just checking out their website a week ago.. this is kewl.. perfect opportunity to build up contacts and meet new people, especially from this sorta groups... perfect.. I just hope she accepts me (1 person only) and that I don't screw it up.. knowing how nervous I get in front of new people.. hahahah!!! Nah, I think I'll do fine right?

Good night!!

Much happier
~ Marie 1.10AM

God bless!!!!!

P.S. I've got appointment with Mai on Sat... Yayy!! Another thingy that makes me happy and something to look forward to. Sometimes just spending time with friends make me happy. So ask me out okie? Kekeke ;)

?

You know what I'm feeling right now... at this exact point in time of 11.40am...

I'm feeling very lonely and stressed. Nobody listens to me, and people are telling me what to do. Don't tell me you understand coz I know you don't. You're not me what.

I've had the feeling of just carrying on with life.. - there are so many things I wanna do, after all I can still be considered young and this is the prime of my life... I just feel like going out there and enjoying but I know if I do, I will feel even worse.. coz I did not heed my true calling... therefore the sense of happiness will only be temporary. What am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to be demanding? Lay down the rules? Or chin chai? Or what????? Yes I know that lots of you people read my blog even though I may not know who you are.. yeah I am not perfect, there you go.. I do feel like this sometimes.

And the only person I have is.. God. There is no human being in this world who is truly there for me, understands me, and by understanding me, knows the real me. Does this mean that I'm just a facade to this world? aaahhh... and let me remind myself why I am doing this again... because I wanna be with you...

It just sucks coz I'm stuck in this dreary world all alone. But let me remind myself again... that this is just a journey.. and the ultimate goal is to be with you.

Jesus!

Good night.
~ Marie
11.47pm

Miracle again!!!!

Hihi...

Just a brief update as I've been keepin busy and probably have to sleep soon...

Finally met up with Karen!!! on Sat... yeah the babe is pretty as ever... and she said I'm lookin good too... in fact, lotsa pple have said my hair is great... pple whom I did not expect to say such things... today also in church someone said... so its really great lah!! kewl... lolz... unfortunately.. we can't go bangkok for our shopping trip as there's no time.. she'll be flyin back on feb 11th. Nevertheless, my mom returned home from Thai today. Me got a few gifts... a bermuda pants which I love from the maid, Rita, which she bought just coz I bought her a christmas pressie. She didn't have to buy me one back.. but the bermudas fit perfectly, and I've been lookin for berns too... coz I only have one pair... and its great for camps and stuff (got alot to look forward to) since I mostly have shorts only. My sis in law gave this great 'stuff holder' thingy... whereby there is 3 pockets... and you can put stuff inside... I'll shall put this in the youth room. Mom gave me a top and a pair of necklace and earrings which I love.. love accesories lah!! kekkeke.

Today in church while getting pple to sign birthday cards, suddenly Fr Arro came up and said, "what about my birthday card" and then he pinched my nose... I was like "waaah"!! (inside of course) *blush* *paiseh* but that was nice... like a nice sign of affection kekekeke :D

On the other hand, Fr Frederick said on Fri... "what are you gonna teach (the youth)? Teach them to ride motorbike"? Hahhahaha *guffaws* :P And he looked so serious too. I think I gotta brush up on my sense of humour lolz.... coz I was like, do u mean that!!! (at first) Haha.

And then.... JESUS HAS GRANTED ME A MIRACLE!!! Praise GOD!!!! Yeah yeah yeaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!! I shall announce it soon. I prayed and asked for it and voila!! Amazing... R u waiting in anticipation to find out what it is? Lolz... kekeke.. niteyz!!!

Love,
~ Marie
10.35PM

Blessed, so blessed by Him...

I've never felt this happy in my whole entire life.. or at least, I can't recall... the joy I'm feeling is immense... I can't eevn stop grinning from ear to ear... I love you Lord

12.35AM

Papa Jesus 

Marie Bounces Back!!! Yayyyyy

Meaning, I'm feeling alive!!! Whoopee doop.... for those who didn't know... I've been sick since last Wed. Dunno what happened, just suddenly at work, started sneezing non-stop. And it became a whole body ache, sore throat and block nose. I couldn't breathe through my nose. Doctor asked where I've been hanging around. Got an MC for Thurs. Although I wondered why he gave me one day MC only.. I certainly wasn't feeling better. Dragged myself to work on Friday. Halfway through around 10 something I couldn't concentrate, the pain was that bad that I started tearing. Told em I had to go back. Went to doc in the evening and got MC for both Friday and Sat. Still wasn't better dunno what was wrong with me. Sat, Sun, had an aching sore throat and still couldn't concentrate properly. Yesterday also. I was like, arrrggghh stopppppp!!! Because when I'm sick, I miss so many things. One of the stuff I missed was Focus Group on Thurs afternoon. It was to discuss something with the rest of the diferent departments. (I was also hoping to know more people and get a chance to ogle at that cute guy from my office... kekeke... nope, I ain't telling who)... and then when I'm sick I tend to get delirious and irritated easily and I miss out quite alot coz I knew if I had gone for them I wouldn't be able to enjoy and, sigh. Oh well. Just now also had a throbbing headache suddenly towards the end of work. But now I'm revitalised!! Am bouncing back with a vengence!!! Yeahhhh!!!!

And no prizes for guessing who had something to do with it... JESUS of course... my lover of my soul. Beautiful Jesus. Didn't really know how to pray just now. I knew I wanted to spend time with him, in his wondrous presence. But I felt something was missing. Aside from the usual playing of the guitar, of P&W music in the background, basking in his presence... felt like I needed to do something.. coz I couldn't think of the words to pray... and then, I decided to pray the ROSARY!! Yupyup. Last week also I prayed it once. I think its fantastic. Praying the rosary helps you to meditate on the stuff/people you wanna pray for... and the words in the prayers you say are fixed. Its perfect when you are at a loss of words of what to say... haha!!! Yeah.. and it also shows that I'm moving on... trying on new things to build up my spiritual life... I'm happy, whoopeeee!!! I also feel much, much better. I've also come to the realisation that yup, I'm put on this dreary earth, and that life is sorta a test... but it doesn't mean I should shun human beings... I should reach out to them. We'll see yeah how I do...

Yesterday I emailed Karen... one of my good friends... which I've mentioned in my earlier blogs. She's in Aussie studying. Emailed asking when she would be back, coz the last I heard of her was in Dec, a phone call. (Connection to net there 56k.. pretty slow.. so I dunno whats been happening with her).. and she replied today, saying she just got back yesterday!!! Whoopppeee... so happy.. can't wait to catch up with her, although I think it has to wait till Sat.. coz I've got plans on for every day till Sat... and also... can't wait to plan to go Bangkok.. shopping !!! Whhohooo... I think I may not be able to go on a weekend right now.. coz of responsibilities... but I think I just might be able to take 1 or 2 days leave. Can't wait. Something to look forward to, and something that makes me so happy.

What a far contrast from last week. Last week Wed, I went down to a place to wait for a friend. And I was sick, but I really wanted to see her as its been ages (months) since we last talked or met. Waited for her for about half an hour... outside her workplace... coz I was scared if I went elsewhere, I would miss her... and when I finally got to meet her, we were like strangers. :( I was like, very, very disappointed and sad. This friend of mine, actually means a lot to me. Met her at the crossroads of my life. When I was getting out of my breakup, and finding my place with the youth. We suddenly found we could click, and I enjoyed her company as then 2 of my best friends were overseas and I was pretty much alone. And then I changed jobs, she got busy with her new course that she started and became even more busy with work. And it was hard to meet coz of our schedules. No matter how much I tried, she was always busy, or had something on. She also seems to have become closer with the new people at her workplace. Oh well. talked to my friend, well actually, Jock about it. He said sometimes you have to let go. When you follow him, be prepared to let go. And sometimes it is gonna be painful to let go. I guess so. A bit sad, but I guess God put her in my life for a reason and she has served her purpose in my life, and now its time to move on. Yup. Move on and meet new people!!! Yayyy.... I'm only sad that we cannot maintain our friendship, I mean, unlike Karen and me, Sebastian and me.. we always make it a point to meet up. But I guess it's different. Yes I have let go. But Letchumi I will always be here for you if you need me. I just understand that now we are at different points in our lives and that we have to do different things.

And yes, I'm verrrryyyy EXCITED!!!! I'm starting a new chapter in my life. Actually I've already started the chapter, ever since I decided to wake up from my dreary life. But now I've been given the chance to do so much more, to grow and serve so much more. And I'm so grateful to Jesus for giving me the chance. It's what I've always wanted to do since I was a teenager. And more so, now, because of the different responsibilities that come with it. And the thing that struck me was, that he said (you) chose me. And I asked, how do you know, did you asked (him)? And he said, he asked (you) a second time, and (you) said it was me. Words can never express how grateful I am to God. He has continuosly shown how much he loves me, and now he has given me the chance.. he has entrusted me with this. I will never let you down Lord, at least I will try my very best not to. Thank you so very much for not being bias. You are God, you will never be bias, how could I even think that! Thank you so much for having the faith in me, and believing in me, as it seems that others don't. And only Jesus has ever loved me and believed in me so much. Lord, please help me.. in whatever I do, whatever decisions I make, to always be in the interest of the people and out of love of them and love for you Lord. Help me dear Lord... coz now that I've accepted it.. I'm so scared of straying, or of falling away from you. That would be unthinkable. Always be with me dear Lord.

And I believe that everyone has their calling.. that Jesus has a plan for everyone and that he loves them so much. I only pray that they may realise it and be open to him.

Please pray for the core and the group. God bless.

Love,
Marie
12.15AM

Bridget Jones..

Was watching it again just now.. so romantic. "I like you.. just the way you are"... "But this is the guy you hate right?" Haven't seen the sequel tho... and was eying the book at Times the other day...

Anyway since nothing else better to do... went to do the quiz... and guess what! ~

Your Score: 54% Marc Darcy
The kindness from a man goes a long way in your book, but sometimes it doesn't go long enough to make it into your little black book. You love a man with his heart on his sleeve but sometimes it's too much and you just want to rip his shirt into pieces. A little bit of fire doesn't mean it will go up in flames.

Haha what does it mean? Hmm... who cares... nitey!!

Love Marie
3.14AM

It's a month to Valentines!!

Yupyup, and I just happened to be looking into 'My Documents', and came across this article that I wrote for school - our online magazine, The Urbanwire. Check it out (by students of Ngee Ann Poly) http://www.theurbanwire.com

Anyway, just thought I'd share it with you. I'm so different now, looking back at it. I like my poem though. The whole article reminds me of my teenage years. If I'm not wrong, it was written in 2003. Me was 20 years old. There is one part where I said, 'someone special, the GUY' (phew luckily I didn't say guy of my dreams), now since I'm no longer in a relationship, I'm like wow, did I actually think that and looking back it feels so wierd. It just goes to show that things can change. You may think that things will last forever, that friendships (i will post about this on a later blog too) will never change, that I'm so in LOVE with this person, but haha... trust me, its only for that point in time.. you never know what might happen. Of course, then again, if its meant to be, you'd still be happily together. :) Something I've gone through, learnt and would like to share with everyone.

I think the most important thing... about life and relationships.. is sharing about them with others. Its how you can bond and grow together and feel that you are not alone. After all, we are all the same.. human beings with feelings, with the same blood that runs in our veins, two eyes, a mouth etc... going through life with trials,tribulations, joys, sufferings....we are definitely not alone. And the beauty of it is that, God made himself MAN and came down to earth, and SUFFERED and DIED for us.... he knows everything that we are going through (coz he's been through it too) and understands so very well. The only thing is, difference is, that because he is GOD, his love is UNFAILING... meaning he will never, ever leave us no matter what.

Yayyyy.... its like I am telling myself and reaffirming all this. Thank you Jesus for helping me realise!!


This year's Valentines... I'll be spending it with GOD! Yeah!! Nothing beats being in love with God I tell you... and God's love... will last forever. :)

Enjoy... and God Bless

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The (NOT so) Long & Short of Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Valentine’s Valentine’s. Don’t you just love Valentine’s Day? Some would, some wouldn’t, to some it’s just like any old day, to others, they wish it would last forever. Some care two hoots about it. And to some, every single day is Valentine’s Day to them, because they make it to be.

When I was a teenybopper, Valentine’s Day was a day for lovers. I used to yearn that the guy of my dreams (at that time) would be my boyfriend and thus Valentine’s would be ours. I sent him an e-card to which he replied – (which had my hopes up) only to have him say that he treated me as his best sister. Ouch. L

A year later, still in secondary school, I decided that even though I do not have a sweetheart to celebrate it with, I must celebrate it somehow and the night before I was up till the wee hours, making my own Valentine’s Day card – in the shape of a heart – and making as many as possible, to give to all my friends or simply anyone I met whom I knew that day in school.

It was well reciprocated with pleased looks and happiness clearly shown, thus I too was happy. True, you don’t have to give people things just because it is Valentine’s. But somehow, it’s the thoughts and the efforts made, and the rewards of seeing people filled with joy that make it all worthwhile. Thus Valentine’s Day became a day of friendship for me.

A few years later, when I just started poly, Valentine’s was pretty painful for me. I had just broken up with my first boyfriend, and thinking that Valentines was the day for lovers as most people put it out to be, I was feeling pretty wistful. However, in that same year, a classmate of mine went around giving all his female friends a flower, which I thought was really sweet. It reminded me that Valentines is not just a day for lovers. Its for friends too, and family.

A year after that, Valentine’s was just an ordinary day to me. I met some friends in town for project discussion, and there were lots of people selling flowers and soft toys on the streets. Is that the meaning of Valentine’s though? Merely gifts? Well, after the meeting, I made my way back home and except for a friend sending me a cute picture message through short message send (SMS) wishing me Happy Valentine’s, it was just an ordinary day.

This year, being different, as I’ve finally found my special someone, the GUY whom I can finally spend a Valentine’s Day with, and I’m looking forward to it. However, thinking of all the projects and assignments I have to do, I wonder if we could ever celebrate it at all. Moaning and groaning this to him, he says, “Baby, isn’t everyday Valentine’s to us?”

Reminiscing all the past Valentine’s Days that I’ve been through, and thinking of this upcoming one, I come to the conclusion that Valentine’s Day isn’t just for lovers. It’s a day for friends and family too. It isn’t a day to spend excessive money on chocolates and sweets and presents or gifts because really, it’s the thought that counts, and its up to the individual to express that in their own special way, be it on Valentine’s or not.

If it’s a long day for you, because you think it’s just like any old hectic day, that it’s a day for lovey dovey couples and not you, just bear with it. After all, everyone has his or her day. If it’s a short one, because you are going to celebrate but think that school or work takes up most of your time, then make every day your Valentine’s Day. Really, it relies on you. But for me, Valentine’s is a special day. It’s a special day just for my loved ones and me. And that is why I’m going to celebrate it. And it is never too short for me, because even though February 14th is only once a year, I can always make everyday my Valentine’s Day. J

And thus said, I leave you with this:

Rose are Red,
Violets are Blue,
Valentine’s Day is coming,
What does it mean to you?

Candies and chocolates,
Flowers and hearts,
Is this the meaning,
Of Valentine’s to impart?

Friends and lovers,
And family too…
The meaning of Valentine’s
Depends on you

Be it long or short,
Be it fast or slow,
Valentine’s is just a day
As you might as well know

So if it’s a long day,
Make it short
Smile at someone,
You wouldn’t lose a lot

And if it’s a short day,
Too many things to do,
Just remember,
Everyday could be Valentines,
Its up to you!

Insomnia... BEGONEE!!!

AAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

Did I scare ya??? It's been increasing frustrating that its 1.40AM and I'm still awake!!! Wide eyed!! Can't sleep!! And that I have to wake up at 7AM tomorow, cannot afford to take taxi (again), and that the previous night only 6 hours of sleep. If I sleep at 2am I will only have 5 hours of sleep. Zombie Marie. *stalks you* bwahahahahaha... (my new laughter in case you didn't figure out already). Sigh this is how I tend to behave in the wee hours. Or when I have lack of sleep. See, I have lack of sleep and still cannot fall asleep. Especially when my bed is the most comfortable as its ever been, since yesterday I bought this humongous soft toy dog to add to the countless cushions and 2 pillows and comforter on my bed. Totally princessy, totally pampered. Yeah bwahahahaha. Maybe I miss the hammock. Oh well. Hee :)

Tomorow I'm on half day leave!!!! Whoopppppppppeeeeeeeee..... replacement off for Christmas. Considering that I used up all my leave days last year and probably have to wait until February till I get another one. As my leave days are pro rated. Yeah. Sad right. Haha. As if I can go anywhere. I think right now I may have to cancel our Thailand trip already when Karen comes back. We'll see yeah. Finally tomorow I can see Blade Trinity. Thought I'd never be able to see it. Haven't watched a movie in ages!!!

Lots to do so little time....... hmm... wonder when I'll resume my motorbike lessons. Always when I pass by a sports bike I find myself looking at it with longing. And I found a club that lets you learn horse back riding in SG!!! How kewl. But I think that has to wait too. Hmm.

Me also just bought a new computer table from FAIRPRICE just now. $29.50 only. Coz it was on offer, and on top of that, got 20% discount for certain items. But so heavy to carry back. Back ache already.

My mom surprised me just now. We were at Hans eating (trying it out the new one at Bt. Merah) (but food not so nice.. I took roast chicken and ham.. so small portion and the soup is tasteless.. I think next time I shall take sandwiches... ) when we met some church people. One of them came over to talk to us, which I thought was quite nice. And then my mom started introducing me blah blah.. princess, etc... youngest etc... and then she said 'pretty right'.... O_o......oh my... so unexpected.... haha... a bit funny that I'm posting this on my blog... but.. you know how it is with parents.. or people sometimes... they don't really compliment you face to face or at all for that matter... and then sometimes, you think they don't care, or think of you in a certain way... and then they surprise you. Was really quite surprised. And happy also lah haha. Now I wish I really studied and got the As. Hahahah... make her proud. Oh well. It was nice... I feel loved :D and sometimes it just takes something really small to make you realise. lots of things.

It could also have something to do with my hair... pple have commented short hair suits me. Yuppies. Kewl. Ok lah.

---------------------

Today's Gospel:

Mark 1 14-20
An excerpt:
Jesus said: The time has come; the kingdom of God is at hand. Change your ways and believe the Good News.

And Jesus said to them (Simon and his brother Andrew who were fishermen):
"Follow me, and I will make you fishers for men."
At once they left their nets and followed him.

------ Something to think about yeah.

DIEEE ITS TWO AM I BETTER CIAO BYEEEEEEEE

Love,
~ Marie

Sheltered Life... for now...

Yoyoyo.... I'm back!!!

Since I last posted, I've been having a great week. Except for a slight misfortune on Wednesday. Me woke up late as usual. Left my house to hail a cab at 8.15am. It was raining. No cab in sight!! I couldn't believe it. And those that drove by were hired. Time passed. Soon it was 8.25am!! And then 8.30!! (the time i'm supposed to start work) I tried calling the booking lines also cannot get through. Panicked man. Got a cab finally at 8.50 am can u imagine. And the cab driver had me worried as he drove through some side roads in the middle of some huge houses. Thought where he going. I asked him and he got offended I think. He said he was going through short cut. Anyway as it is, I had to sms my manager in case she'd be wondering where I was. In fact been late for work every single day. Every day I clock in on average 8.41am... I think I might kena from HR soon :P This Wed was my latest.. abt 9.15am. Anyway later on that day also I happily composing an email to reply to a customer, usually how I compose is I copy a few sample answers and paste, copy the reply from the respective parties and then edit. However before I could edit I pressed 'Shift & Enter' at the same time and it got sent!! *SHOCK & HORROR* followed. Told my manager about it. She saw the email. Said it was not a pleasant situation. (the customer made a complaint somemore) What was worse, customer's hp was off. I quickly sent him an apology and pls ignore the previous mail email. Then went out for lunch, altho couldn't really enjoy. After lunch called back the customer and could get through. PHEW man, the customer was really a nice guy. English speaking, told him about the mistake, he told me to hold on, think he went to take a look. Then he told me no problem, he said he actually wanted to feedback to us about the situation. PHEW SIGH OF RELIEF what a nice customer!!!! And he eevn replied to my email (the correct one finally) after that. The rest of the day got pretty better, coz I was able to resolve and close a few cases. Also smsed a few of my closer buddies to inform them of my terrible day (when it was terrible at that time) and being the genuine friends they are, they replied.. such as Mai, Seabass, Jonathan, Letch... thank you all.

That same day, Wed, me went to cut my hair. Finally!!!!!!! To this place at Papilio at Veerasamy Road (Little India). Its a Chinese salon though. Reason why I chose to go there is coz I went there before last July and they gave me fantastic service even though it was all free!! Coz I had a $100 voucher. In fact got almost turned away coz didn't make an appointment. And when I told my colleaugue abt this salon, she also heard of it. Said all her friends keep going there and even take taxi there coz its so out of the way! !!! Anyway my hair's real short now. I didn't like it at first. Told the girl to give me a cut, but not so short and a new hairstyle. She asked me how short and I said till the chin. She gave me layers. :S Really didn't like it at first. Thought so short!!! My sis told me I should have said 'trim' like she did. But I thought if they'd trim I couldn't have a new hairstyle. Oh well. Thursday I went to work (with MAKEUP to direct the attention away from the shortness of my hair) Surprisingly they liked it. One lady said "very nice!!!" and was smiling the whole time. said i look like little girl. Everybody agreed I looked neater. Hahahaha, yeah I'm quite well known everywhere for my messy hair. And everybody commented on my makeup, said why I so pretty today. U mean I'm not pretty on other days? :( haha. coz me was wearing bright purple eyeshadow and a purple clip to match. Said very purply. Not everybody noticed my hair cut though. I guess my previous hair so messy like go no difference. Some noticed it very well. Jock's reaction was, 'so short!' alamak. Haha. But its been 3 days now and I love my hair. I think its funky and I think I look great with short hair. Like my snr manager said before, when she saw my photo with really short hair, she said I can carry it off well. Not everybody can carry off the pixie look she said. Yeah!! I mean, who said girls MUST have long hair huh? ;) Anyway I have also entertained the thought of getting a wig. Since I haven't had long hair in a long time, and don't have straight hair, I wonder how 'd look. Getting a wig I might create a different look for myself. Yupyup. Kewl ;)

Thurs I met Sihan after work at Kino for dinner. She got 25% discount for the food at coffee club express!! wow. but we made a bad choice tho. she recommended seafood lasagne, which she ate before, but which she did not order. Instead she ordered sliced beef. Me ordered smoke salmon. Got a shock when the salmon came. It looked raw!!!!!!!!! She tasted and said it was half cooked. I tasted her beef too, also not so nice taste. Oh well, we both agreed next time we would stick to what she recommended. After that went to shop shop at Taka. Me bought some new bedlinen. Was so happy, coz I finally found the 'cheap' type that I was looking for (I last bought the 'cheap' type in 2000 and couldn't find it since then) It costs $28 for a pillowcase, a bolstercase, a fitted sheet and a quilt cover case. Normally or branded ones would cost around $80? Got myself a bargain!! And also nice new designes. Happy :) Only thing is I have 2 pillows. This one only one provided. Small problem tho :)

Fri was Praise day!!!!! It was GREAT to have praise after so long. Well, actually 2 weeks, but I really miss it. Remind me to keep practising the guitar or I'll never get to play praise. We were talking about the tsunami. You know, ever since the tsunami happened, I've been wanting to read the newspapers during my lunch to keep updated. But whenever I do I get so emotional and I feel the tears coming that I try to refrain from reading much. Sigh. I read that a scientist actually warned the UN and Asian countries some years back abt a massive earthquake that might happen in the area. They listened but forgot to do something about it. And during praise we were talking about mines all around Sri Lanka. Coz the waves dislodged and set the mines flowing all around. So those who go there to help or to these stricken places may not even come back alive. Scary. And Jock is gonna go!!! I was talking to him about it. In fact I've also been thinking about it recently. Vocations that is. This mission thingy, the nuns thingy again. Other ministries as well. And I was quite surprised that Jock could tell me what my calling is for now. In fact, come to think of it, not really. Jock is good at telling this things. He told me... that my calling is the youth for now until HE calls me elsewhere. Coz he was asking me if I was for missions too and I said not at the moment. Anyway, how true. That was exactly what I was thinking and the conclusion I came too. Everything right now is perfect for me to still help out with the youth. And come to think of it HE made it that way. Actually I was asking Jock how he knew that was my calling. He said from the way I've been growing and changing the past months, and prob I grew and changed even more than say, within the past 3 years. How true!!! It was from that time loh, In March, when he called me. Actually he called me much earlier but it was around that time that I woke up. Reminds me, I gotta go repost my archives!!! Coz thats where my story is.

Anyway I've been looking back, I seem to have a sheltered life. No major injuries, never been hospitalised, no major deaths of some very close loved ones, no close shaves, no serious consequences because he's been sheltering me. So I wonder what will happen if I actually have to face some sort of calamity. Or, loss, or terrible situations. Yikety yikes. Still not very calm, collected nor good at making decisions. Oh well... I guess if it happens it happens, we'll see, I'll just keep moving on.

Anyway I'm feeling all excited again. But I'm very sure I'm gonna feel a loss when Jock's not around. But i feel that God will lead me. Must always remember.. heart not head... which means... don't just follow feelings only. In fact I've been thinking... coz I was asked this question by Fab on Tues... what do I wanna do.. at least for this year.. like an aim in life. My response was still to be a deejay etc. But I've been thinking... my aim is to serve him. In the end, there's no need to fulfill my dreams or my ambitions of this world. (which means I can just remain in this job until he calls me elsewhere coz this job 's working hours etc is perfect for what I'm doing now, and I'm happy and having fun with it) Coz I know following him would make me happy ultimately. And just thinking about it makes me happy :) Wherever you call me I will follow.... . And I've still got so much more to learn and grow and change!! Wow.. purposed filled life.

Anyway today I had fun. Woke up close to 1pm. Almost couldn't go out coz of the rain. So sian rite. Supposed to go bowling/pool at SAFRA. In the end went to Suntec National Library Sale with Mai!! Got soem great books - about disc jockeying (perfect, Mai found for me!!) , a book about Mother Theresa (she's a real good example), a book on horse riding (I love horses!! Might just go check out Turf club one day) and a book on animals that eat wierd stuff. Haha. This one I just bought for General Info. $2 per book, standard. Ok lah. After that had to lug it everywhere. Pretty happy tho coz I got a few more other stuff from Suntec. Like my cushion from Watson which is now on my bed. I love having soft stuff around me while I sleep. Now must go get a bolster and the huge bear that I saw at Watsons which I hope they still have. Oh, and the antenna for my TV and also a multi coded DVD player. Oooh cant wait to start watching TV in my room. My room will be my perfect hangout then. Oh and saw Naz in the bus. Great to see her!!! We agreed to meet up one of these days to catch up. Right now I feel life is good!! Just have to always put God first. And then everything will fall into place. You'll know what I mean :)

Love,
~ Marie
11.20PM

Itsy Bitsy Spider....

Today was soooo fun!!!

First of all, it was back to work after a 'holiday' weekend, and the start of a new year at work...

Me slept about 1.30AM :S and as a result couldn't wake up.. me thought, nvm, shall sleep until 7.30am plus, a little longer, will take taxi... and then when I finally woke up at 7.30am, realised, my new year resolution is not to take taxi!! arrrghhh!! broke it!!! lol!!! oh well :P :P

Today was a fun day.. although couldn't really keep my eyes open... coz of lack of sleep. (was nodding off... hope nobody noticed)

Well, today is declared as 'Insect Day'. First of all, one of my colleagues, from another department, sitting beside my colleague from my department, killed a spider that suddenly dropped onto her desk. We were wondering, was that the spidey that built a web from my calender to my christmas tree to my other display things? Really... I had displayed a few things on the top of my desk... about 3 days later, my colleague suddenly noticed a spidey's web hanging from all of it!! Oh my goodness.... nvm, removed it... since then no more spideys web... but had encounter with 2 ants on my desk last week Fri... disposed of em, and no more insects... till today.... if the spidey that was killed with my colleague's tissue was not enough, my friend saw a HUGE spidey (well actually its body was pretty small, itts leg was super duper long... like 2cm each!!!) on the wall along the toilet corridor!! Oh my goodnes!! So humongous!! I saw it for myself!! Wanted to swat it but then, didn't want to cause a commotion as I would have to bring the newspaper to the toilet. (mY friend refused to lend me her 'Today'. She could have gotten a lovely souvenir :P) also, who knows, the spidey may have jumped on me... we wouldn't want that would we.. if that was not enough, in the bus, we saw an ant crawling on this lady in front of us... a middle sized ant.. not so small, not so gigantic either... it was crawling all over her and she didn't notice!! I told my friend to swat it for the lady but of course she didn't want.... when I got off the bus, the ant was crawling on the lady's butt O_o..... tomorow must find out what happened.. lol... and then my friend was relating to me about one time in the bus, she saw this brown beetle on a lady's head scarf... it was happily crawling from the back to the front.. then the lady moved to the back, so she didn't know what happened already.. of course she was praying it wouldn't jump onto her when she passed the lady... I would pray, jump, jump on my friend!! LOL... im so bad.... and then yesterday my room was moth infested... no idea where the sickerning moths came from... told my friend about it and she said I must have brought the insects.. yeah right.. anyway I declared today INSECT DAY lol... so much fun.. laugh and laugh and laugh... in fact almost everyday at work we are laughing about something... if this carries on I will have the time of my life... in fact I really love to laugh... just laughin with my friends, be silly... disturb them... yeah I can disturb pple... just that sometimes, pple who dont know me too well might take it the wrong way... too bad I'm not that sorta person who can click with everybody... would love that, but thats not the way it is.

Anyway, just wanted to share with you that... real fun... thanks to Jesus. :)

Yesterday's sleep although short, was good too... nothing disturbed me, God answered my prayer... and today too, some of what I asked was bearing fruit... so happy... God really listens... I gotta preservere...

Oh yeah, yesterday coz it was raining, didn't go to my bro's place... see my Godpa was coming over... every year they visit us without fail.. my mom says its always because of me... and this year they gave me a towel!! Not bad huh.. those expensive towels.. me actually wanted a towel too!! How kewl is that. And my cousin, my uncle's daughter, who is only 1 year older than me, 23yrs, who got married June 2004, is now expecting a child in April 2005!! Oh my goodness... so fast... and she's so young!!! Hehe... oh well... I think I might as well be a spinster yeah? Adopt a kid or something.... haha... when I was 18.. used to wonder if I'd ever get a boyfriend.. or wonder if I'd ever get married.. now I think... who cares.. me dont mind being single for the rest of my life... as long as I have God, am doing his will, and am surrounded by loved ones, Id be okay.. yupyup ;)

Today after work also visited Uncle Rozario's house... with my mom. Almost every year for Christmas we will go. This guy is 90plus years old. Used to play the organ for weekday and sat sunset mass. Really a nice guy. Was really happy that my mom visited and the present she gave him got him excited and all that even though it was just biscuits. Last year also like that. I think next year me will buy him a pressie of my own. :)

And then my mom was telling him about life when I was younger, how my grandpa was staying with us when my grandma passed away, me was 3 plus then.. how he would take care of me, and how I was his favourite... (really ah? so happy!! although I can vaguely remember sigh... my mom also said i became darker when i grew up... sigh... wish i was as fair as before)... and how I wish I still had my grandparents around... but oh well.. thats not meant to be I guess. Really sorta 'envy' those people who have grandparents, or even, great grandparents (as some pple in church) around. Just never take em for granted, yeah? Your parents too. As it is already my mom is already suffering... coz she tore her ligament in her leg about a few weeks before christmas. Pain is terrible I tell you.

Okie me better ciao. 11PM. Good night and God bless!!

Lotsa love,
~ Marie

A phonecall away if you need me
~ 98357782
~ 62742047 (room phone)
~ 64247 --- (ok this one some of u may know, if u don't ask me, anyway I think I might divert my hp as and when)

Muaaaah!!

Christmas 2004 and New Year 2005!!!

Yoyoyo... Happy New Year!!!

And Merry Christmas!! (after all there's 12 days of Christmas).

Finally I get a breather right now after non-stop of hectic stuff, shopping etc.

Looking through my pressies and gifts :D, and realised I have TONS of chocolates. No idea how to finish them. Should get them during the year. During the year when I want chocolates I don't have. This year Christmas is a first though. I'm going to happily enjoy eating them and be happy since chocolates are supposed to make you feel that way.

I think I shall eat them slowly according to the expiry date as suggested by Mai.

CHOCOLATES
- Delfi Assortment
(first pressie given by the Public Affairs Manager, expiry date 02.2006)
- Brown & Haley Almond Roca
(Luxury Expensive chocolate that I bought by myself, expiry date 14.7.2005)
- Dove Hazelnuts & Fruits Milk Chocolate
(Given by my sister in law Luz, expiry date 20051217)
- Ferrero Rocher Huge Box
(Given by Maimai, expiry date, oops I have no idea the wrapper seems to be missing)
- Lindt Wafer Milk chocolate
(Given by Sebastian, expiry date 25.07.05

SNACKS
(Also got tons of, coz I bought alot thinking people are gonna come to my house and eat, but in the end they ate food, not snacks... )
- 1 whole box of Hello Panda
- 1 cannister of cashew nuts
- 1 cannister of prawn rolls
- 4 packets of Patato Chips
- 2 huge packets of Snack-Ku (smaller packets inside)

OH MY GOODNESS how in the world am I gonna finish all these... coz most people have lots of chocolates already... and most of the chocs expiry date in 2005!!! Wowowowow... okay, if you are free, and I'm free, do come over to my house. Then we can watch TV and feast on the snacks. Oh and play UNO and chit chat and lotsa other stuff. Especially when I fix cable for the huge TV in my room and get a DVD player, which I intend to very soon.. maybe by this month... okay? Oh, and when I find out whats the big deal with XBOX and playstation I might very well get one of those too... muahahha... these are the perks of being a working woman... okay but it doesn't mean I'm rich coz I'm not... I've been given 4 months of pay and saved NOTHING. Because of the tons of stuff I bought for Christmas last year, I have no more money left (until next week pay day muahaha) and have to borrow money from my mom :( Oh well. Anyway, call me yeah? ;)

This Christmas was oklah, not bad. On the 24th, which I was on half day, in the office the atmosphere was fantastic. People were going around giving out goodies (and I didn't bring mine.. wanted to give after 25th), so happy, couldn't stop smiling, even my colleague commented I'm smiling while doing work. Then we had a HUGE lunch just for our Public Affairs Department. Had sushi, pizza, ham... wine too, but I didn't like.. tasted bitter.. took photos, pulled crackers, joked (actually it was like the only 2 people talking were our Senior Manager for Public Affairs and the General Manger.. like the two big shots.. so everybody just were like in the background, laughing at appropriate parts... hahaha)

Then went for Midnite Mass, as usual.. It is a must go every year...

Christmas is actually my favourite time of the year.. and my birthday follows up 2nd.
I've got fantastic memories of Christmas when I was young... where we used to have these huge family gatherings (coz my mom's side is very big - 13 siblings in all)... at one of my auntie's/uncle's place, which was usually this huge house.. semi detached ones... and we kids would have a fantastic time... my uncle even dressed up at Santa Claus one year... and we played Musical Chairs and stuff like that.. oh and I got tons of pressies too, I remember especially from my mom... fantastic those years..The last time we had this sorta thing huge gathering was like last year.. and not really huge, just one of my mom's bro family who came down from Aussie to visit and we gathered at my bro's place. Oh, and one of the reasons why we don't have this so often is because, firstly, half of my mom's family migrated to Aussie.. I've got Auntie Anne & Uncle Alphonsus's family in Melbourne, and Auntie Bernie and Auntie Bird's family in Perth. And another reason could be probably most of us left in Singapore are grown up. And also, quite alot of my mom's brother's passed away the last few years. Uncle Peter, Uncle Francis, Uncle Pat. (sigh). Only left my mom and Uncle John (my godpa) here. Oh well.

Oh yeah and I remember one Christmas, my mom gave me a story book, called 'The Magic Locket', and it came with a real locket. Why I still remember (think I was 6) was coz I really believed the locket was magic!! Haha!! And also, I think one year when I was 10, I really loved tents very much. In fact my mom used to tie sarongs around the house to make pretend tents and I used to play with that. (you can see the pics that were taken. Oh yeah, Letch saw my pics when I was young and she was like, you're smiling all over the place! And i was like, you mean now I don't smile so much? She was like, just that in every pic I was smiling. Hmm. Maybe now older more self conscious. No idea. I got smile what!!! Oh yeah and I can't stand it coz my eyes auto blinks when the flash goes off. So I look like I'm sleeping in the photos. Have no idea how to stop it!! So frustrating!! Maybe I should hold my eyelids open with pegs!! Oh yeah last night so tired fell asleep with contact lenses on. First time. Thank goodness they were still on my pupils. And did not roll to the back of my eyeballs even though I was in a deep sleep. if not I die haha) Anyway, I wrote a letter and asked Santa Claus for a tent, and put it on the altar. I really expected it to be gone, as in it got delivered to heaven. but unfortunately, it was still there after Christmas and I never got the tent. Guess my mom probably thought it was a watse of money. Haha!

Great memories man, all those years when I was young.

This year Christmas I had friends over again, which has become something like a tradition. Of course this year since I'm working had less time to prepare and was so tired didn't really cook except for one dish - Pineapple Rice. Ordered Honey Baked Ham (which was delicious too) and pizza on the following days after.

My Christmas wish for this year (as a pressie) was a watch. Coz I don't have or wear a watch. And it would be nice to have an elegant watch, or a casual one would do as well. So I casually asked my mom. Haha. Of course I knew I wouldn't get it from her, and she herself told me straight, she does not have money. Guess what, I got a watch anyway. And an EXPENSIVE one at that. A FOSSIL watch. Which I later found out costs $115. I never heard of Fossil before this. And my friends were all telling me its expensive but I was wondering how expensive could it be? Like $50 - $80? Never really thought it could be that expensive. And from an unexpected person whom I never thought would spend so much on me before. As long as one does not expect anything in return yeah? Or gives a pressie with motive yeah? Hahaha :P I'm so bad I know. I've been told this continuosly by my colleaugue.

Oh yeah, and since I mention colleaugue, keep you updated on my working life - I've been having so much fun and a better time at work. A far cry from when I first started - (September period was terrible... some of you may know abt the hard time I went through). Now I'm having fun, laughing and joking about customers with my colleaugues, going out to eat for lunch, having less & less nasty phone calls (of course this is subjective.. wonder when this will escalate again), having a really nice manager there to take care of me.. and us, lol... (coz when I first joined in August, no doubt my then manager, Jason, who was really nice as well, and who gave me the job!! was leaving to further his studies in Sept. We only had a replacement manager in November.. and another colleaugue to share the workload in end Sept, so only later part did things start to get better).

Okie, yeah, thank God man.. after God was the one who gave me this job.. I was slacking and not actively looking for a job, and this job literally fell into my lap.. and I'm thankful I have a job right now with a monthly income. Although dunno if I would get fired anytime soon coz of being late - my latest was last fri, eve of New Year.. clocked in 8.51AM.. (supposed to start 8.30AM) :P :P... well I just might not get any promo, sigh... hope they look at my compliments though.. haha.. (pray that more will come in.. that they will think that I'm a sweet, patient wonderful CRO who deserves to be promoted.. yeah right.. haha!!).. and dunno how long I will stay in this job.. my friend who work as customer service for CPF for 6 months.. said she got very bad tempered.. and quit after 6 months coz she couldn't take it... and customer service is very stressful.. in fact when I was about to join the company I was told that after a year, I would be transferred to another dept provided there is vancancy. (Of course later found out out Senior Manager wants us to work longer, reason being companies want CROs who have experience of 2 years or more :S ) Oh well.. my dream of being a deejay/actress is still there so we'll see how it goes...

Back to Christmas... besides the watch, I got some really nice gifts as well.. let me mention a few.. I got earrings... really beautiful ones.. in my favourite colour purple, I got a really nice silver necklace...with a star like pendent, and also a black necklace with a huge yellow pendent filled with yellow stones (I prefer the silver ones coz I like silver jewellery and not so big ones at that :P ), a bracelet, an embroided pencilcase (with a little teddy bear in it) from my manager.. so unexpected.. these are some of the few that I have to mention. Oh yeah, and not forgetting, having my PC fixed.. finally after 2 years of irritating pop ups!! Aka spy ware!!! Arrgghhh!!

I also got small little gifts for my friends as well. One gift though that I have to mention was for my friend Sebastian. He went with me on 18th November to IKEA.. to get some furniture for my room (oh yeah, I've got a lovely sofa bed now!! Really cool looking) and he was so sweet helped me carry the stuff back to my place. Really lucky to have a friend like that. I may have not that many really really close friends, the kind who wouldn't mind standing up for you or being there for you, but if I have just one or two, I think I'm the luckiesr girl on earth. In fact I was already planning to give him something big. After all he's been great and furthermore, I didn't really get him anything for his 21st birthday. But I was so busy and packed that until that day got him nothing. And I was franck with him. Of course he said no need to get anything. Anyway, the next day, Sunday, happened to be at Harbourfront for some makan. When my friends left, I decided to stay on to see what last min gifts I could get. I also wanted to get this cover for my PC, and I knew which shop to go to coz I saw it before. Guess what, in the shop I found the perfect gift for my friend. It was a Red (his favourite colour) T-shirt (he hasn't got many new clothes recently) with half a star (he loves stars!!) at one sleeve!!! PERFECT right? :D And at the same time I got him a glow in the dark pig (he loves pigs) wrist rest. Of course when he saw them both he loved it. And I was happy. Fantastic man. The greatest thing is seeing people happy when they receive or better still, like your presents.

10.05PM - Still havent finish writing my blog... phew... alot huh...

Hmm, lemme see... oh yeah.. Dec 26th Sun went over to Jude & Lynette's house (church people, 2nd time going over) for Christmas. A really cute couple, Indian guy and Chinese girl. Kids gonna be cute man!! I love this kind of mixed couples. Although I have to mention, from what I've observed (which may not be true), this type of Indian Chinese marriages usually happens in Catholic families, (happen to be more open, as some Chinese/Indians might be traditional) and when it does happen, its usually the guy who's Indian, and girl Chinese. Seldom the other way round. I don't know why, maybe guys like fair girls???? And girls like dark guys???? :S

Okay.. Wed 29 Dec.. was in church for Wed prayers as usual... me n a friend went to the front of the church to wait for another friend.. when we saw an Indian man lying there. Well, my friend couldn't see, and I thought he was sleeping and didn't wanna stare... so didn't look properly. We left to wait somewhere else. While waiting, police cars came into the church. We were wondering why. Perhaps to pray? Hmm. Later guess what i found out.. the Indian guy there was committing suicide. He was drinking bleach!!! Oh my goodness. My happy mood evaporated. I was in shock. Could't talk and couldn't stop myself from crying uncontrollably later on during prayer. Don't ask me why I was crying, have no idea. Although I was probably in shock because I had never encountered something like this before. And was wondering what if I could stop him. Of course my mom said that he might jump on me with a knife. Of course the approach would be (which I found out later) to try to talk to him and not stop him. Oh well, I guess you learn from these things. Also, amazingly, after prayers I became better. I was back to my normal mood!! Haha!!!

Also, on Wed & Thurs, 28th and 29th, I spent the first half of my day at work helping to pack food items for the victims of the tsunami. I'm sure you heard of it. It's so sad, happened the day after Christmas, and so many people died. :( I don't really know what to say. Anyway, I was glad that I could help out a bit that way. Also, if you're wondering how you could help, one way is to purchase these

Food Relief Coupons from NTUC Fairprice, costing $10.

It consists of a food package worth $13, that contains 5kg rice, 1 huge packet of Milo, 1litre UHT milk, 2 cans tuna and biscuits. The food packages will be forwarded to Mercy Relief (www.mercyrelief.org) who will then foward them to the victims.

My New Year's Eve was spent at work!!! Arrrggghhh... only company I think that does not provide half day or full day off. Me worked till 5.35pm as usual.. sigh... afternoon time especially was pretty quiet as most pple were on leave.. me and my colleaugue were stoning mostly.. haha!! Thank gdness I had her around tho.. imagine me by myself... *shudders*

Night on the eve was spent in church!! 10pm mass and countdown. The best time was when we went around wishing everyone and the kids. Love the kids. Oh and the game, The Amazing Race (only had time for one game) was fun too, and it was heartening to see people take part in it, the majority were kids and there was an adult who took part too.. that was nice :) to see them so enthusiastic.

The taxi we took home had TVs ON THE BACK OF THE HEADRESTS!!! SOOO COOOLL can u imagine like aeroplanes!! I've been taking taxis so often to work but NEVER came across this TVs. The TVs are for the taxi company SMART. And the teaxi driver nice and friendly too, happily talking to us about the TVs. (coz I was so excited to see them) My mom said keep the change, and he said, cannot, and gave her back the change.

And then my New Year's Day.. finally.. went to see my little SUNSHINES!!!!!!! My nephew and niece!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My nephew is sooooo cuteeeeeee and sooo is my niece!!! Especially my niece, Patricia, since she's bigger now (1 year 6months) altho she cannot talk, except one or two words, she's sooo sweet... I gave her a cute gummy pop (and my nephew Philip too, but gave him while she was sleeping)... so Philip asked her for some, and she wllingly pointed it to him to bite!! And she gave to me and my mom too. Many times somemore. What a sharing sweetie... and when my mom asked her to give me a kiss, she did... she's so small and yet she understands... and she's just so cute when she waves byebye.... sigh.. these kids are my world... they can make me so happy and joyful in an instant. Got my wish, which was to see them :)

Okay, thats the end of what happened in my life so far. 10.25pm. Phew, close to 2 hours writing this blog. I'm suffering from gastric now.. arrrgghh.. oh yeah, one more thing:

New Year Resolutions for Marie 2005:
- Wake up on time and stop taking taxi to work!!!!!
- Save money!!!!
- Lose body fats (at some places) gain body mass (at some places)
- Go for bike license regularly and get the Class2B license in 2005!!!!!!
- Perfect the playing of the guitar
- Perfect bowling and pool and table soccer techniques
- Go to the gym
- Exercise at least once a week.. like jog or sit ups or cycle or something
- Write and read in my Bible Diary
- Be more extroverted? Talk to people I've never talked to before!!! Especially those cute guys!! hahahah!!!
- Meet up with my friends regularly
- Try those new stuff that I've always wanted to try... but no time.. like swimming (get contacts from Bernie) hiphop dance (great way to meet new people), rock-climbing
- At least go on a holiday in November to Australia
- Oh yeah.. to Thailand by February with Karen (if still possible)
- Explore and know Singapore well

Okay.. thats it for now.. will add in more if I think of any more resolutions.. hahaha!! Have a great year!! God bless!!
Hugs & kisses,

Marie
10.36pm