My Goal!!!

Ok, yesterday I got the results of the In Tune With Mission Song Writing Competition. Finally, haha, since they said that judging would be done on the 18th of July, but I guess they needed a bit more time. Suspense lah, on my part. I won the consolation prize! Yay!!! Ok, the truth is, my first reaction was, I was quite sad, I really hoped to win, as the top 3 winners would also win a song writing workshop. But mummy said it was good enough, as it was my first time entering such a competition.. and everyone whom I asked to pray for me were very happy for me when they learn of the results, so I'm really grateful and thankful to God.. hey, its my first time!!! No. 1, I'm such a bad singer, No. 2, I wrote the song kinda last minute, No. 3, the recording was not perfect, No. 4, Fr. Anselm Pang was the 3rd Prize Winner!! Hey, I don't know him personally but I know he has been writing songs for some time, since he was part of STYG's Visions and Dreams Recording more than 10 years back. So not bad huh, I won the consolation prize!!! Also, because I've been so occupied and tired at work, I've only been praying for this once at night, except for the night before the results, when I decided to storm heaven and I said 9 Hail Marys for this. Fr Damian's reply was really funny, he said, 'Thanks be too GOD, you are the new Michael Jackson' lol... and Yiiipppeeee!!! $100 :) And I can write songs to glorify God!!! :D

Things are getting really bad at work. I've realised on Friday, that its not just stress that I was feeling, but pressure... it was so bad that I left the office to take a walk. Technically it was still my lunch time, but I needed to get away... else, no. 1, I would simply break down with all the stuff and pressure that is going on, No. 2, I would probably snap at an innocent person and it would be disastrous... thing is, it took me a looong time to calm myself down, despite plugging my mobile phone to Praise & Worship songs... I tried taking deep breaths, erm, did not work.. then I decided to say some Hail Marys.. to calm myself, and suddenly I got the thought to just admire nature... I've always liked nature and animals but I don't really know how to appreciate them, and furthermore most of the time I'm really lost in my own thoughts, I'm oblivious :P so anyway I observed some ants.. then a humongous army ant came into my view, and I was just sitting at the bus stop and observing them move, going about with their little lives, and I was just thinking to myself, it is so not worth it getting stress.. do I want to grow old faster? I'm already so old.. I discovered my first and only white hair a couple of months back even though my sis claims she saw one just a week ago :S and do I really want crows feet, noooooo!!!! Horrorrs... and I just thought look at these little creatures, going about their work, in their own little way, surviving, just admiring them for what they were... and then I started walking back to the office, I took out my ear phones as I didn't want to be distracted, you never know what you can see if you really open your eyes and guess what, I saw this cute little caterpillar, actually it was kinda plain, but it reminded me of a muppet caterpillar (on strings) back in my childhood days when I used to watch Sesame Street... and it was crawling along the pathway... It used its head to tap the ground, and how it moved was by arching its body forward.. sooo cute.. and yes I chose to believe that God placed it in my path, as I started to think, this little creature crawling on the pathway, not knowing that it could easily be stepped on. And what if it were stepped on, that would be the end of it, it would die.. and what about me, as a human.. if I'm stepped on, do I die? No, I fight back!! And so, I got my calmness back and some answers from God :) God's creation is really beautiful. And I keep telling myself, human beings are also God's creation, and made in His image and likeness somemore. I really must try to see the good in them.

And today, somehow I knew it beforehand that it would be my turn to do the prayer for our Praise & Worship.. and I lifted it up to God in prayer, and everything turned out well.. I was still nervous, but this time my heart was not beating as though it was going to explode!! And somehow, the song I chose was also unplanned, but it worked out ok. Thank you Jesus :)

Yes, I am trying to learn to let go... I was thinking I cant wait to leave my job, and let go of all the baggage that comes with it, so that I can be free... but I realise that I would not really be free because I have so many things to let go... fear, faults, pride, guilt from past sins... I think this is why I can never fully surrender myself to the Holy Spirit... some sorting out of myself to do here...

Sometimes when I'm on the bus on the way to work, etc, and I start to listen to Praise and Worship songs, and I think how wonderful it would be if I could just do this forever.. coz I'm just so peaceful and happy when I'm in praise and worship of Him.. and I try to think of how I could do this for a living.. can I write Praise and Worship songs for a living forever? And then I got the realisation that this is what we would be doing in Heaven... we would be with the angels and saints praising and glorifying God for all eternity and I think of how wonderful that would be and the amazing joy and happiness that would come with it and then I think, I have to make this my goal... to try my best to achieve this goal, I have to be good and do good here on earth, which is not always easy as life is never easy.. although they say that life can never be smooth sailing or you would never learn anything or be a stong person. So anyway, despite all this, there is nothing that would make me happier than being with God so I hereby and henceforth make this my goal... to be with God :)

Moving on, I've never had the chance to attend any National Day Parade. This year I was lucky enough to attend a celebration with Young NTUC at the padang. And it was really cool.. the goody bag, the atmosphere, the fireworks, the crowd... yes, there was an article in The Straits Times yesterday, a commentary rather.. we may have our faults.. but the point is to focus on the good.. and yes, I am very proud to be a Singaporean. I said my Pledge and sung the National Anthem with pride. We may be small but we are big in heart. You can recognise a Singaporean from miles away. Besides that, I am also 110% Singaporean.. I speak Singlish, I love to eat, I'm rojak, I'm kiasu...the list goes on... :)

So I would just like to end here, with thanking God for all His wondrous blessings.. He is really amazing.. without His love, I can never survive, without Him, I am nothing... thank you God, for loving me.