Prayer, Forgiveness, The Eucharist and a little crush..

Okay, I survived another harrowing week. Most harrowing coz I had 2 assignments due back to back, and it’s really very tiring to juggle work and school.

However I am very, very grateful for God’s protection throughout the entire week and for the previous weeks. Whenever I attend Sunday mass, the weight of the week will usually take its toll on me and I will almost be on the verge of a breakdown. And then I still have to go to work the following Monday, life goes on, but somehow he has really been protecting me – all the calls I’ve had, I’ve managed to handle. All the feedback, somehow manageable. I wouldn’t been able to take any big hoo-ha or high impact cases these few weeks and thank God I had none.

One of the reasons why it is so draining for me is because there are a lot of negative people in this world, and their negativity can really weigh you down. Yesterday I had a customer who was adamant that the food he had purchased from us had caused his family to fall ill. Even though he was not nasty or shouting or creepy (really thank God, or I would not have been able to compose myself seeing that I am very fragile these few days), he was very paranoid and after about 20 minutes of talking to him I was really drained.

I would like to say that I have been going through a lot these few weeks, but somehow I feel it is not justifiable, coz I know that my ‘going through a lot’ is really nothing compared to some people. So I will instead share what I have been going through:

- I went for a facial the week before Chinese New Year which was one of the biggest mistakes I’ve made so far, because immediately after, my face exploded with pimples. I had the shock of my life – on the 2nd day of Chinese New Year I was really looking like a witch. I hate referring to myself in this way, but I really felt like it – had one huge pimple on my nose, another above my lip and another on my cheek – it looked like warts on a witch’s face completely out of a horror movie. I could have acted as the witch with no need for make-up. I really do not know what happened. The beautician said it was because I have been wearing too much foundation. I do not think this was the case. I believe my face went downhill because ever since the time when we were stranded on Patmos island for 3 days, and I had no proper facial wash for my face. It was not good since then, and then in December, I made another mistake of using a make up remover which was oil based. And on top of that, when I came back from the Oct trip and started going for facials again, the beautician changed the mask that she was using for my face. All these added up and now I’m really looking terrible. Or so I feel.

- I am taking the ‘alien language’ this semester, or at least, that is what me and my colleagues have been calling phonetics. Yeah, I am taking Phonetics and Phonology, a course which I have to take this semester or I will not be able to graduate this semester as planned. It is so tough having to identify the sounds and symbols and differentiate this and that and I really feel like I cannot keep up and follow through

- I miss my friends badly. Yes, I may be a loner sometimes but it has come to the point where I feel lonely. It doesn’t help that I’m so busy with school and work that I am afraid to ask people out lest I can’t be able to make it myself. I missed doing all the fun things and going to all the fun places with my friends, like the zoo, Escape, Minds Café… I miss going for mass with my friends. I miss chilling out over dinner and a drink. I miss just sharing about life and going-ons and being silly and crazy with them. I miss those times where we would be at the coffee shop just talking about God. I don’t really have anyone to share with and talk about God nowadays. I turn to my mom but it’s just not the same. I miss all my friends so badly that all I can do now is just pray and leave it to God.

- Work has come to the point where it is no more rewarding. What keeps me going is the thought of me being blessed enough to have a job to bring in the moolah for bread and butter and to pay off my debts.

What I have planned in the upcoming weeks:

7 & 8th March – Attending Syd Field’s Screenwriting Masterclass
Yess!! I am going! Bought the tix! Could not find anyone else who could make it with me but am deciding to go by myself nevertheless. Cannot miss this opportunity, which would be great for my resume and great training for myself.

20th March – Health Screening.
Gosh, they are gonna take my blood for this. I remember once, back in poly, I actually wanted to donate blood, but in the end couldn’t coz I think I was underweight and was also on anti-biotics. I do not know why since then I have developed a fear of blood. So ironic right! The sight of blood makes me feel queasy, and now I have to subject myself to allow blood to be taken from me but its for my own good. On this day I will have to decide whether I wanna take a pap smear test, which I have heard stories about and it is so far putting me off from going through with the procedures.

Also, I’ve been wanting to share about Father Arro’s homily 3 weeks ago but never got down to doing it, but I think I better record it down before I forget. I’ve already forgotten most of it anyway, but the most important thing which was mentioned was – that we need these 3 things – PRAYER, FORGIVENESS and the EUCHARIST. Yeah! And the week before that, Fr Damian also mentioned about prayer. Can’t remember what story he gave though. Oops. Next time I must quickly record down. I had a talk with my mom the other day which changed my thinking about prayer. I always thought I owed it to myself to pray at all the free times I got, to get closer to God. So much so I would feel guilty that instead of praying for example, the rosary on the bus, I would rather sleep. I learnt that I didn’t have to pray during that time, especially since there might be a lot of distractions. What is important is that I did not forget to pray. And prayer doesn’t have to be fixed, or the rosary, it could be as simple as knowing Jesus is there and talking to him. That conversation made me feel so much better.

So, right now I have to get ready to go to church. But I will be back. Have lots more to share. Adios till then! And keep on praying in the spirit at all times with all kinds of prayers! Oh yeah, forgot to add, I also wrote 2 more songs the past month, for God. One is a praise song, which I also have the melody, and the other, perhaps a worship song which has so much of feeling that I am afraid to look back at it for becoming emotional again. Yeah, will share with you the songs at a later time. Perhaps one day I can cut my own album for God. Yeah!!!