Spiritual and Worldly Balance...

Okie,
So I went to DBLO on Saturday. It wasn’t Halloween, but there were a few ‘monsters’ here and there…. Mummies, nuns, the living dead… hehehe…
True enough, as I had prayed, nothing happen. I was safe! It was even to the extent that it was boring for a while. I drank only 2 shots – a vodka lime and a tequila. Probably was tired also coz we were dancing non stop from around 12.. and we only left at 4. There were a few cute ang mohs… and some eye contact made… but I guess nothing happened coz of the group I was dancing with – one had a boyfriend and the rest don’t like ang mohs… even if the guys wanted to dance with us they couldn’t get in. It’s just as well. Getting to know guys from clubs are not very good anyway. Hahaha!

P.S. Oh shucks! I just heard from my friend that there was a guy at the counter whom I thought was cute and she noticed him as well! I couldn’t distinguish what race he was except that he was tanned. But Regine said he has the ‘Bollywood’ look. Wasted, I should have done something, right. Not my style to do that though. Shucks! Kekeke….

But I had loads of fun. The music was good – retro – and I was having a great time dancing. I guess that’s the main reason why I like to club anyway. So the plan is – Nov 12 clubbing again! Probably going Zouk this time around…. Exciting… I’ve never been there but I know a lot of my polymates used too…Haha…. I probably won’t get to go ever again in a long, long time. In fact, I thought that last Sat was my last… well, we’ll see… lets boogie!

The future is uncertain. I have so many things planned, I’m not sure if I can follow through with all. Nov 19 – 21 is the children’s camp. I would love to help out, love the kids. I haven’t decided if I wanna go Bintan anot. I was telling my mom yesterday and she was like, I just read in the papers Indonesia has bird flu! And I was like …… And she was like, well, no use of me saying anything if you had made up your mind. And I just called CAYC, it looks good that they are going to help us with our Advent formation. I was thinking along the lines of… Rebirth, Renewal, Revival!!! Cool sounding? Hehe… well, they have to confirm with me again the dates where we could meet as they have to check with Fr. Fred. I hope they get back to me soon, I can’t wait to get moving. Next year looks uncertain. Well, a lot can happen in a month or so, so we’ll see. So far, revival is how it looks like it’s gonna be!!! Whoooopeeee.

God bless.
See you soon.

Love
Marie

Decisions decisions….

Hi… so finally it has happened. The past few months I was praying to discover my vocation as I am already working with my company for a year (and sucky customer service) and with regards to the deejay thingy, there were a lot of loopholes. If you were with me you will know I was toying all sorts of ideas, from starting my own business into going into retail hours kinda job, to doing mission work. Had been praying and praying. Actually I can’t really remember when I started.. I think it was a space of 3weeks that I was praying and then it finally hit me – social work.

How did I discover that…well I was thinking of how I would love to help people. My friend had sent me some photographs of some really poor, malnourished children from Africa I think. I really wanted to help them. Then I realised mission will cost a bit of money to try out. But I knew somewhere along these lines that I wanted to help people. And then I started thinking about how much I look forward to the end of work everyday just so that I can go and do church stuff.. such as plan for youth group, or just simply playing the guitar and worshipping Him and even spending time with friends and talking to them.

Then it hit me – I could do all these with social work, in the youth area specifically. Then this rush of excitement came over me coz I knew simply that this was it! This was it. Never, ever felt so strongly about something before, more especially a job. I knew that this was what he planned for me. And sure enough – he carved the path for me. Let me tell you how such – that week I discovered that this was what I wanted to do, I told a few of my friends. Not many were encouraging – in fact only Francis was. A lot of people were like, pay low, stress, etc etc etc but who cares… my heart was set on what God had planned for me and no negative reaction from people was going to change my mind.

And the day after I told Francis, he called me saying that he met this girl who was working with a social work company who was looking for people and a degree was not a requirement and asked me to email the director I think. Which I did, and which she replied immediately asking me to send my resume!! And then it was the problem of getting internet access and sending my resume,(since my resume was in my crashed pc with no hopes of retrieving it or recalling what I did) she replied me on a Tues. Thurs I was on half day. I wasn’t really praying about the situation to God but it was a constant thought in my mind. On Friday God made a miracle happen for me. (you can ask me what is it, shan’t say here for now). And he put the thought in my head that I had my resume saved in my hotmail account. But then I had the problem of sending it coz my email had some error that I couldn’t even compose a message.

So delay until Monday. Then amazingly, on Monday after our meeting, my mom’s computer was working and had internet connection!! Her pc had been giving her problems as well but amazingly that night she managed to connect. Amazingly, the next day the lady replied me. Amazingly, after a bit of a messy situation, I managed to get half day leave for the interview. Amazing huh… how He had put everything in place for me. And that was when the dilemma… the decision comes up.

I have to decide whether I want to take up the job with this company or not. Of course I start with a trial. I know so strongly in my heart that God wants me to do social work. But now I have to take the plunge and see if it is with this organisation. They told me that different organisations do different kinds of social work. This is exactly what I want to do though – Child Protection. And from what they told me, I believe that there are many different areas in their organisation as well. Then Francis called me imediately after my interview. I need more people like Francis to talk to me. Who will simply encourage and tell me of God’s will and speak about God. Yeah, people, I know life is not a rosy picture, but I’d rather be with God and live in that moment. Of course, if I choose to do social work I know there definitely won’t be a rosy picture no more, or rather, that I cant imagine it is anymore.

Anyway, understand that Francis might have a job too, and his with a religious organisation where they go to schools and counsel students, if I’m not wrong. And then I started questioning myself, why why why, why do I have to have the secular organisation. Is this God’s intention. Obviously, or I won’t be having the interview and everything falling into my lap. But working in such an organisation will really have some kinda effect on my faith – as they know I am a Catholic and they told me they deal with stuff like abortion and pre marital sex, contraceptives and all that. Is this what God has planned for me I keep asking myself. I want to grow in my faith – is this the way for me? Or I could simply become a nun, if I want to be more holy holy and religious. Haha, no, I know now that that is not his intention for me. Anyway, joining the religious would also mean I’d have to give up everything also, which is the same anyway.

Well, I could simply take the plunge… but once I’m in it I will have no one to hold on to except God. Its not as though right now people are there for me anyway. But there are 2 things – either I plunge into it and my faith goes stronger – coz it is the next step in my faith journey – or I lose everything completely.

I need your prayers. Seriously. I have roughly two weeks.. the lady will be back on the 8th of Nov. Of course I can email earlier but I rather use the time to think about it first and then I can start with a trial. There will be problems though. Like taking leave for the trial. I don’t have any leave left and can only take unpaid leave which is questionable. Like, whether it is shift work or office hours. Yeah, I was too excited listening to them during the interview I forgot to ask stuff like working hours, pay etc. Pay is ok coz if this is what I wanna do, it doesn’t matter. I will probably be giving up my year end bonus as well unless they don’t mind me starting in January. But shift work does as then I will have to think about the youth. I won’t be free on Sundays then. Fridays even. Will there be someone to take care of them. Right now it is not clear. I need this clarification from God. The lady did tell me I will have to give up my social life. Follow God completely or not. These 2 weeks will be critical for me, am going to have intense praying in hopes that he will give me the clear YES that I should join this organisation – even as my heart is telling me right now that most probably it is.

Pray for me.

God bless.

P.S. A bit of juicy stuff for now… topic: guys! Haha! Hey, I’m a normal red blooded gal ya know. Well, let me ask you a question: have you ever liked someone but couldn’t really talk to them? As in click with them? But you like them a lot anyway, coz you’ve seen what a good person they are? (or is this admiration??) Shucks. There’s this person haha, whom unfortunately I have feelings for. I say unfortunately coz I think its going no where. Haha… not sure if he likes me too (question: how do you know if he likes you back??) but seriously, my prayer right now is, please God, let me stop having these feelings or let something happen. Coz I feel that I can’t really talk to him. And relationships is about communication right. Then I think who cares, I’m not going to bother anymore. But then suddenly this thought comes into my mind, “love is a choice”. Hmm, is that a sign telling me not to give up. But seriously if something doesn’t happen soon, I don’t think it ever will. Gonna be super busy if I do take up that job. Probably then I will forget about Him, I don’t know haha. Out of sight out of mind. I seriously don’t know. And I’m afraid to listen to Him to hear His answer. Previously, he told me “wait”. Now I don’t know… *dot dot dot dot* haha…. We’ll see…. Who is this person by the way? No one you know...haha!!!

P.S.S. Heard the good news from Nat that her mom’s lump is benign on Tues night. How amazing is that. Prayers works miracles. He loves us that much =o)

The Journey Continues...

Hi..

Have you guys read my previous blog... hehe. I read it out and testified during Wednesday prayers last week. And Francis told me yesterday it was well written. *sigh* Maybe I'm better with expressing myself in words.

I don't know why I was so affected by what people told me that week. I guess I tried so hard, and I thought I tried my best, but it was obvious I didn't so much so that what they said struck me so bad. My mind automatically shut itself out. When I went home I broke down though. And the next day as well. Especially when there was no one there for me. But this was one experience where I clung close to him, clung desperately to him. Normally when I feel down or sad, especially when i didn't do things right, I will tend to stray away from him. Coz I would feel as though I'm a bad person how could I carry on to pray. And that was what I wanted to do that week. I didn't wanted to lead anymore. I wanted to boycott formation. These were some of the thoughts running through my head. But instead I went to Him in prayer, and I clung on to him despite feeling so shitty and so alone. And I finally saw the direction. The next day Monday was no better. Even though I prayed, I was feeling so sad when I thought about the events that happened. I was on half day leave that day.

When I came to work, I couldn't really work well, so towards the end of the day, I was writing that blog 'Crushed' and I was practically crying as I wrote it.. choked with emotions. And then, after writing, I saw that email about God. It was amazing. Although I took some time to realise it, as I was pretty sad, I knew at once that God had heard me, God had spoken to me and God was comforting me. It was worth much more than any human being comforting me or being there for me. This was one time that I stuck by Him and didn't run away no matter how much I wanted to. My tears of sorrow turned into tears of pure joy. I couldn't contain myself and had to go to the toilet for privacy haha.. and thank Him and praise Him. And I really hope that this gives you inspiration to stay with Him no matter what coz He won't EVER let you down... hehe :o)

Last Friday another amazing thing happened. I was sitting away at work.. in fact the past few days I was thinking of how to send my resume, since the lady replied me on Tuesday but my resume was in my crashed PC. Our wonderful God suddenly made me discover something... and he also put it in my mind that my resume was saved in my hotmail account when I sent it out to previous companies before! How amazing is He. I really feel so blessed and I really hope that he will help me to achieve what I'm supposed to do, since anyway, I know that this is what he wants me to do... been praying for it for weeks and suddenly it came to me :) hehe... so, so happy...

Anywayz,
other than that.. I've been so busy... I almost regret blewing that huge amount of money on the gym since I can't make full use of it that much...
I thank Him that the meeting went well yesterday... was praying SO hard that it wouldn't be a screw up like the previous time.
Today, am going to Anisah's house to accompany her break her fast and look at the wedding pictures. Yams and Bhavani also coming, am so happy to be able to catch up with them.
Tomorow I think prayers are still on.
Speaking about prayers, last week Friday I had a wonderful time playing Praise & Worship!!! Yeah, even though I didn't really start playing, I hope you guys were not disappointed with me coz right now I really am not going to let anyone put me down haha. Of course, I'm working towards it. Everyday I'm having a fantastic time playing in His presence, and playing a wonderful sounding guitar - Dennis's precious $600 Admira guitar which I was so surprised he lent me on his own accord for Praise and then extended the 'lending' till this Friday.... THANK YOU DENNIS... it means so much that you trust me enough to lend me, and also because it's such a wonderful guitar to play to Him...and I know its really your precious guitar.. and of course, yeah that first time I had to open my mouth and ask Dennis if I could borrow... this proves the saying "ask and you shall receive". Of course, always lift everything up to God too and he will help you... hehehehe... Thank you once again Dennis, if you ever read this :)

Also, Thursday I have my 3rd session of Exotic Dance. Yeah, I'm taking Exotic Dance man! Surprise surprise. What kind of image does this potray of me? Haha... Yesterday I was sharing with Francis that I had signed up for the classes and he was like it was good to try different things. I agree. I was thinking to myself earlier, whats a Catholic girl, or rather a girl who's trying to be a good Catholic doing learning exotic dance haha...but then I thought, so what... I can go and dance at the disco clubs and convert all those guys!!! Yeah!!! hahahahaaaaaaa...

Speaking of that, I am going clubbing at DBLO again this Friday. Am looking forward to it, yes I am this time around. Must have a balance of work and play, but of course, have God right on top of everything. This Sat 29 Oct is Halloween!! Hehe... I remember when I was in sec school, I use to wish that I was old enough to go clubbing on Halloween coz it seemed so fun, and now when I'm ancient I'm finally doing it. Anyway, I'm gonna ask my angel to protect me coz even though I'm not going to get drunk, and am going to limit myself to only 3 shots, you never know what might happen. And I know all will be well. Coz I have Him. :o)

God bless,
Love,
~ Marie

Crushed...

Ok, so I’m back. I’m feeling pretty down and sad.

There are two paths in a journey - the short one and the long one.
From where you are at, you see that the short path is easy, fun, and that there is happiness all the way right to the end. The long path, however, is filled with difficulties and struggles and pain. You cannot see anything at the end because it is too far away. Which path do you take?

Too many times I’ve taken the short path. Unfortunately, as it is short, the happiness is short-lived as well. The fun ends when you reach the end of the path. Then, there you realised that there is only a dark abyss of emptiness.

I’ve chosen the long path this time around. I can’t see anything at the end because it is too far away, but I have faith and believe in the everlasting. The pain and the journey is too long and difficult and it is so easy to turn back and take the short path. But, no, I trudge on, holding on to the promise that he made to me.

The voices ring in my head…

“never -------... no -------... ------------“

Sheer disappointment that you can see expressed.

The voices keep on ringing in my head. I’ve no choice but to shut myself out lest I break down. And I do.

I stand and I cry in the rain.
I stand and I cry in my pain.
I kneel and I cry in the still of the night.
I kneel and I cry for him to make everything all right.

I look back at all those times. It’s back to being alone again.
I’m an outsider looking in at all the fun and laughter, the friendship and love, the sharing and the support.
I’m an outsider that never really belonged.

I knew this was going to happen. Tried my best to prevent it. Prayed. And yet it happened. I can’t go back. All I can do is move forward. The good thing is, he has finally shown me the way. The good thing is, I’ve never let him go. The good thing is, he is n my heart. The good thing is, he helped me to gather my thoughts. And I know the direction now. I know the clarity. I know that all I need is him, all I have is him, and that he is the only one who cares and loves me.

The bad thing is, the pain still remains. Yes, the wounds might heal but the scars always remains.

And the voices still ring in my head. And my heart is yet to be healed. The journey continues.

And then, I go to my email. And then I see this: (sent by Kemmy)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HOLDING PATTERNS

Many times God will allow a painful situation or a painful circumstance in
our life to "swallow us up".

This season in our spiritual growth is a holding pattern. We can't move to
the left or the right. All we can do is sit, like Jonah sat in the belly of
that great fish, so God can have our undivided attention and speak to us.

God put Jonah in a holding pattern because He needed to speak to his heart.
Jonah was all alone. There were no friends to call, no colleagues to drop
by, no books to read, no food to eat, no interferences, and no
interruptions. He had plenty of time to sit, think, meditate, and pray.

When we are deep down in the midst of a difficult situation, God can talk to
us. When He has our undivided attention, He can show us the things about
ourselves that we might not otherwise have seen.

A Few Of God's Holding Patterns :

1. When we are sick in your physical body and you have prayed, but God has
not healed you yet, you are in a holding pattern.

2. When you are having problems with your children and you have put them on
the altar, but God has not delivered them yet, you are in a holding pattern.

3. When you have been praying for the salvation of a loved one and they have
not been saved yet, you are in a holding pattern.

4. When you are in a broken relationship and you have given it over to God,
but it has not been restored yet, you are in a holding pattern.

5. When the doors slam shut before you can knock on them, you are in a
holding pattern

When we are deep in the belly of a difficult situation, there are no
interruptions. God has our undivided attention. All we can do is sit, think,
meditate, and pray. We cannot run from God because there are no mountains
that are high enough, valleys that are low enough, rivers that are wide
enough, rooms that are dark enough, or places that are hidden enough from
Him. We must remember three things:

1. The pattern has a purpose

2. The pattern has a plan.

3. The pattern has a process.

So stop struggling and start listening, praying, and trusting. He'll keep
you right where you are until you can clearly hear Him say, "I love you."

Prayer:

"Father, forgive my unbelief. I know you love me and will turn anything
around to benefit me. You have planned nothing for me but victories and I am
ready to receive them regardless of how difficult the path. Amen."

The shortest distance between a problem and a solution is the distance
between your knees and the floor. The one who kneels to the Lord can stand
up to anything.

Be blessed.

A Positive Thought

If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it. If He had a wallet,
your photo would be on it. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise
every morning. Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen. He can live anywhere
in the universe, and He chose your heart. What about the Christmas gift He
sent you in Bethlehem, not to mention that Friday at Calvary.

LET'S FACE IT, HE'S CRAZY ABOUT YOU.

God Bless.

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God had just spoken to me. Isn’t our God AWESOME or what. =)

Scaredy Scat..

Hi...

Since I'm on the net right now (2.10pm) at work, thought I'd might as well write a bit even though I have little to say.

I'm gonna have my period soon!! Arrgghh.. cramps. Feeling damn tired, and later am going for mass and meeting... don't know if I'm up to it without proper sleep. Its always like that ain't it... when things are going smooth, there is always something that will come up and burst the happy bubble.

I was a little disappointed in myself for being a scaredy scat sometimes that the moment just goes away. Your heart beats so fast and heavy you feel its gonna burst from the pressure and yet you don't say anything... and in the end this pressure dissolves into a heavy weight on your heart.

Anyway, happier stuff.. Francis called me just now to say that he talked to his friends, and there might be an opening for the social work thingy, and you don't need a degree! Wow... I was speechless.... even he said I sound dumbfounded... true... I didn't expect something so soon.. it's kinda scary lah... wow.. anyway, later I'm gonna find out more from him... we'll see how it goes. I've never been more excited in my whole entire life then right now. Youth. Friends. Work. Haha GOD!! Yeah!!

Just have to keep the faith. I'll see ya soon...

Love,
Marie

Its been a super duwah FANTASTIC week!!!

Thanks to my colleaugue for letting me use her pc, (with internet access) thus I am able to post this hehe

___________________________________________________________________

6 October 2005 - Thursday

Hi everyone,
I’m baack!! Heh. It’s been quite an eventful week.
Well, from where I left off –
Oct 1, we had our family reunion. It was fantastic. Everyone was there, with the exception of Angeline and family. When I first came out of the lift (as my bro’s flat is just beside the lift), everyone was gathered at the outside where there was tables and all so I was like, ‘hi everyone, hi auntie’ and just rushed in. Then I heard my mom calling, ‘marie, see who’s following you’, I turned and saw my little 2 year old niece Tricia running after me hehe… so sweet!! What a nice welcome. Just the day before, my nephew Philip had a nightmare and he called us, after some time speaking to my mom he asked for me. I tell you my little sunshines really make my world.

Well, as for the relatives part I was a little shy. As one whole table was occupied, I ate with my mom at the other table then I went in and sat in the house. My mom commented that the relatives were saying me and my sister was so shy. I was like, “arrgghh I want to talk to them but I don’t know what to say!” I think I always have that problem. I like talking to people but I gotta break the ice first and its so hard. Well, I told myself I gotta take the plunge or I will miss the chance and regret it. Furthermore I told myself I love chatting and cathing up with peeps so I better go lah. So I pushed myself out of my comfy sofa seat and took a plate of dessert and plonked myself on the seat in the midst of my cousins Sharon, Wayne, Chris, Aaron and Theo. It was good… hehe…

Then after that I went to play with my niece for a while, caught up with my auntie and cousin again, took a family pic as well…. Wow, just the other day the taxi driver was telling me his family has all the races, I wanted to tell him mine too!! Hehe… Chinese, Eurasian, Indian, even ang moh. Wait till you see the pics that I took with my cousins – the ones from Australia. Felicty, 16 and Lauren, 9. Felicity was just a little girl, 3 years old when I last saw her. Now she’s so tall!! And she really looks like an Aussie. Coz my mom’s sister married an Aussie man, my uncle Mike. And I really like that Lauren. She was the first one I said hello to when I enetered the house. And I later found she took a liking to Tricia, and the best thing was, she is only 9 and I could see that she really ‘likes’ ‘loves’ Tricia so much (even though they met each other on that day only) that she really took good care of Tricia, as in making sure she didn’t fall, playing with her and all.. I was really impressed. She does gymnatics in Aussie and is on the national level, probably will go internatiomal next year and I really like her laugh. I think the all enjoyed themselves, which was great hehe :o) and my Uncle Mike was telling me that I am pretty and that he will introduce some Aussie guys to me!! Haha! Great fantastic… of course I didn’t know how to reply but I just smiled… shucks.. I lost the chance right. But I was surprised he thought I was pretty. Coz there are many other Indian girls who are prettier, long hair, etc etc… perhaps he hasn’t seen that many Singaporean girls yet… but it was flaterring I tell you!! Boosts confidence keke :o)

The day before I led praise. Shucks, I really wanted to play and sing but all my plans went awry. Sorry guys, I know some of you wanted to hear me play the guitar!! Unfortunately all the songs I chose were in the key that people could not sing in, in the end left to Nandee to play. And also, I just felt that everyone was very down, and lost in their own worlds right from the start. After singing the first song I decided to go with my instincts and liven everyone up by getting everyone to stand in a circle, pray and then sign of peace and back to praise. I think it was ok lah. I think next time I will pray to be louder. I guess, the only time that will be alright will be when I truly surrender to God coz right now, I don’t know why, there’s still a teensy weensy part of me that does not let go. Sigh :o(

Anyway, arranging the dunking machine to be returned is so difficult. Lots of to and fro. Why is co-ordination so difficult. Anyway, Sunday feast day mass was great!! I carried the youth banner with Annette and Eugene!! Whoppee!! And Eugene actually came down to church to help us with the dunking machine but in the end stayed for mass. I had a great time talking with Shaun, Eugene, and later Ivan and Jon Chua. Haha… I really like talking to people and reaching out I guess.

Oh yah, Saturday night I went to DBLO again. Shocking I tell you! Haha! I did not drink so much this time, I made sure of it as I did not want to be tipsy again and be in control. The dancing part was fun. Me and my friend had encounters with guys. My friend actually. The first time, these 2 crazily drunk guys wouldn’t stop hounding her. They were hugging each other as well. I think totally knocked out. Then when we were in the dance floor, this ang moh guy came to dance with us. Haha! I saw another ang moh guy and really wanted to get to know him but unfortunately, my friend does not like ang moh guys and she left the dance floor and I followed suit. Just as well I guess, the guy was getting to cosy. And then at the last dance my friend really shocked me!! Haha… shan’t say what happened… but I guess, alcohol can really influence a person. Which brings me to ask myself the same question, is this what I really want. It was what I wanted some time back but now that I have it, is this what I really want.

Upcoming Itinerary:

Oct 8: Philip’s Birthday 4pm, DBLO
Oct 21: Leading Praise
Oct 29: Clubbing, Halloween night

10 October 2005 – Monday

Hello…. I’m baaaccck…. And I had a superb, FANTASTIC week and I can’t wait to share it with you all!! Hehehe….

I chose God twice this week over other stuff. I couldn’t be happier. And I realise that it gets easier over time. Well, on Wed morning I had to planned to go to the gym. Well, you know after signing up and paying so much it would be wasted if I did not go. Anyway, I received a call from Francis in the morning that there would be a talk at St. Ignatius on ‘Music from heaven or hell’ and they would be going. Oops. Dilemma. Could not answer him on the spot. After I hung up I was like ‘arrrggghh’ should I waste my money and skip gym or should I go to gym and miss an interesting talk… dilemma dilemma…. In the end I thought, please God, let my mom come home from work before going to church so that I could ask her… and I would take that as my answer. By late afternoon I had sorta decided already. I would go for the talk. Coz if I went for the gym, I would probably spend my time thinking on how the talk went and be unhappy. Whereas so what if I wasted the money. I don’t think I would regret it that much. But I still had to call my mom as I had prayed that I would follow what she says and take that as what Im suppose to do. Hehe.. and she told me to go for the talk. Later I found out that it was actually a prayer group, so there were some nice P&W as well, and then the talk was very interesting. Do you realise that if you play Popeye’s song backwards it gives you a different meaning? Horrors of horrors. And many other songs and stuff as well. I realise that some things I rather not know. Id rather be innocent and oblivious to the bad stuff of the world rather than know them as it will change your life forever. But one thing about the people of the church, they were so friendly!!! Almost every single one of them came up to talk to us. Something to learn from yah. And the church was on my way to work!! Just have to walk in… along Farrer Road there… can take 855. I couldn’t believe it… pass there everyday but didn’t know that there was a church inside. Next time can go for mass there after work hehehe.

And the second time I chose God was on Saturday. Me colleagues had planned to go clubbing to DBLO again!! Haha, yeah coz we would not be able to go again until the end of the month. At first I was undecided coz the next day had to go church early as was going to see Clement. Also, had Philip’s birthday at 4pm. In the end, I thought I’d go and just leave the place early. But come Friday I was pretty unsettled. I started thinking, twice in a row, do I really wanna go drinking and dancing and all that, do I really want a repeat of the previous week… I was thinking no.. I thought what Id rather do was go to church and play the guitar and pray. Yup, so I had more or less decided… and then on Saturday, during work, I was basically coordinating the return of the dunking machine instead of working. Chialat. And then I stayed back at work to complete some stuff, but by the time I was on my way back home I was exhausted. I was thinking only 6 hours of sleep, surely I won’t be able to make it clubbing and church the next day. I would probably fall sick and I didn’t want that. In the end I told my friends that I would be too tired to go. In the end also, I did not go church as planned, as my brother was sending me and my mom back, my mom found out my intention and started you know, its so late, you know what happened previously in the church grounds, my goodness I quickly said Ill go home instead. later my bro nag even worse. Just as well anyway, I was pretty tired by then. Played with my little nephew and niece and I was SOOOOOOO HAAAAAPPPPY. When I first came in, Tricia sat on my lap for close to half and hour I think watching TV. Sooo heavenly cuddling her. Then Philip came in with his friends and I played hide and seek with them. My goodness, a little girl whom I don’t know even came out and took me by the hand and told me to come in and find them. I was so surprised at how fast they made friends. I like little kids a lot but I know I can’t be a childcare teacher. I don’t know how to handle kids lah. A bit scary… sometimes its so fun to play with them but you always gotta be conscious that they do not fall or hurt themselves other ways. I lazed around a bit and ate and then later in the evening I talked to one of the mothers, also a Filipino I think Luz’s friend. So surprising coz I’ve seen her once before, but when she came in on Sat, I just smiled at her and later I asked her if she had eaten already. And that was it. She was just sitting down and I was sitting down on the sofa then suddenly she started talking to me. Amazing right. Her name was Chickie and we had a pretty nice conversation I was so happy. Then later I played somemore with Philip and another kid Xavier with some balloons and then they were shooting me and got rough. In the end, time for the last kid to go home. Time to open presents, Philip was one lucky boy… tons of pressies… then time to sleep… Philip gave me a humongous kiss and hug and it was like his lips were permanently fastened onto my cheek… for a min or so…wow…and Tricia kept saying, ‘you sleep with me’… I was like sorry dear I cant coz I have to go church in the morning you can sleep with mommy and daddy and I’ll come again and see you soon and my mom even told me that earlier in the morning Tricia was asking only about me and whether and when I was coming. I was ssssssooooooo happy I tell you. *sigh*

Oh, and I forgot to add, on Friday afternoon I was out of the office. We actually had an ‘ACTIVE Day’ for staff, whereby some of us (not all unfortunately) could go for some health tests and also a mass workout and all that. At first I wasn’t going, but then since I was part of the Fairmily News committee and the person on charge could not go, she asked me if I could. It wasn’t a problem with my manager, so I was allowed to. I was a bit apprehensive since no one from my department was going, but I thought its okay.. just go and make friends and have fun. Later I asked a lady, Cindy, I knew from Finance department whether I could go to the place with them and so I joined them. Fantastic I tell you… I got to know a whole bunch of pretty great ladies from the Finance department!! Brenda, Dorothy, Jenny, just to name a few. And those that I already knew, I got to know better as we talked a bit and I even went back with one of the ladies on the MRT home. Fantastic. I think next time there are such events I’m gonna go as it’s a fantastic chance to get to know people. Also got to know Kavitha from IT. And talked to other pple as well. Whoopppeeee!!!!! Plus point: I got to take those health tests. Got the height and weight (which is always never accurate, either you shrink or grow taller, and alternate between the two haha), the blood test (glucose/cholesterol thingy I think) which I was a bit squeamish about, yeah I know, Im a big baby, but which was okay in the end. The blood pressure test. Oh yah, and also the bone mass test by Anlene which people was saying that it costs $80 outside. They just put some cream on your ankle and this machine sorta squeezes your ankle. At first I didn’t want to take as queue was long and everyone was saying yeah, its mostly for the older people. But I was encouraged by Neetu to take and thank goodness I took coz I found out my bone was thinning… Goodness so scary!! Im so young!!! I gotta increase my calcium intake. They were saying weight bearing exercise helps too. That’s good coz I’m with the gym anyway heheh. Other than that, I’m a healthy woman!! Yeah!!! *Grins*
There was also a huge goodie bag with tons of Indocafe stuff and I was really happy coz I could pass them to my mom.

And at night, Praise was fantastic. It was what I was waiting for… a time to be with God. Im just praying that I will completely surrender in the future. And Ivan, Shaun and Eugene came as well!! Fantastic! And now, Kemmy can come too, coz she goes for piano earlier until end of the year!! Kewl!!!!
You know, looking back, God really answered my prayers. And he answered it in due time. If I could testify I would, in any case, that’s what my blog is for. I remember some time back, either last year or early this year, can’t remember exactly, I really felt that I did not belong, and I prayed that God would send me a cute guy to be my special friend in the youth. Or at least that things could be better. Coz I could not really click with the people that were there. Something to that effect. But I’m so surprised that right now, I can really click with Ivan, and Shaun, and even Eugene. I mean, at their confirmation camp I did not even talk to them much and Shaun not at all. And that Ivan and Shaun are so active at this point in time. Cathecists and youth. Seriously, when I look back at it, God answered my prayers!! In due time!! So people, take note, do not be disheartened. And I seriously think that this is a sign that there is gonna be a revival!!!!

Anyway, on Sun, the 3 of us went to see Clement and were attached with the classes immediately – me Sec 1 with Uncle Basil, Ivan Primary 6 and Shaun Primary 5. A bit scary sia. I mean, yah what, you’re a newbie and all eyes will be looking at you. At first I was just sitting down doing nothing. Then I walked a bit and made small talk with a few of them. And then Uncle Basil asked a group of girls to say the closing prayer and one part of the prayer, they said, ‘ thank you for a new teacher to look after us’… waah I was so touched, coz I did not even talk to that bunch. Im really gonna make more of an effort. I hope this really works out. Why the catechists? I was toying with the idea of the catechists for some time, but was thinking of the commitment, whether I was up to it, etc. However after the fun fair I decided that now was the time. I’m already with the youth for a year. The most is I have another year. I need another ministry to move on to, and also, catechists and the youth work hand in hand for some stuff so it would be better understanding if I’m with both. Also, I simply love the youth. Yup enough said hahaha. Thinking about this, and since the past few weeks, where I was thinking of mission work, thinking of vocations and all that, I think some of you may know as I wrote in my blog and also spoke to some pple about it. I was thinking I would love to help the poor, or become a nun, or do some stuff other than boring office job and customer service!!! GUESS WHAT!!! I’ve FINALLY REALISED WHAT I WANT TO DO IN LIFE!!!! I wanna do social work!!! YES!!! That’s it. I finally realised that this is what I wanna do and I will be truly happy. Can forget about the deejay thing already. Deejaying is fun, no doubt, but I don’t think I can serve God if I were to become a deejay. Yes, and I also know social work is tough and stressful and I also think I need a degree. But I truly think that this is meant for me and I will pray every single day from now forth that God will answer my prayers and give me some openings for this, and also if I could get into NUS (with my lousy poly grades) and that the funds would work out if I do coz then I would have top depend on my parents again… not very nice… but I’m just praying very hard coz I feel very strongly that this is my calling and I hope that things would work out, if not, to please show me what else. Please do join me in my prayers. Oh yeah, and what type of social work? Can you guess… keke… it would be with the youth. Yup, youth again. I would love to reach out to them and do something for them. But don’t give me technical stuff. Or creative stuff to think about. I’m kinda lousy with that. I felt kinda bad that I could not suggest anything to Aunty Loo for the Mission Sunday. This sorta thing I will need to sit down and think and think. I think its not my forte. I’m more of organising I guess. Yah, so please pray for me yah?

Oh, and I saw Letchumi aka Michelle for a short teensy weensy bit of while on Sun. Oh, and my cousin replied me from Aussie saying that she would visit us again in 2010 keke. Oh, and I got to learn a beautiful new song, ‘For All You’ve Done” and the chords!!! Whoopeee!!! (P.S. Really, really, really wanna be able to lead praise and play guitar at same time. Will practise and pray like mad keke… ) Oh, and another thing, I am going for a BBQ with Annetter Ralph and James this Tues!! Haha, I know Annette or perhaps one of you will probably read this as well, so its ok… but I just have to say this coz I was so surprised that I was invited.. first by Ralph then Annette… coz I mean, seriously I think the 3 of them click better among themselves then me included but yet they still asked me. Is this a sign from God or what. Anyway, my leave is approved so I’ll be joining them on Tues night, then I have Wed off as well, which I will join Aunty Shereen for P&W in her house. She invited me for that as well!! Whooppeee…. I think this has got to be the best week ever. I’ve talked to the most number of people, both newly met and friends. I’m just so happy the things I’m doing and saying surprises myself. And its all because of God. Love you Jesus. I just hope I don’t ever, ever lose sight of you in this bad bad world. God bless everyone!!! LOVE YA!!!!