Decisions decisions….

Hi… so finally it has happened. The past few months I was praying to discover my vocation as I am already working with my company for a year (and sucky customer service) and with regards to the deejay thingy, there were a lot of loopholes. If you were with me you will know I was toying all sorts of ideas, from starting my own business into going into retail hours kinda job, to doing mission work. Had been praying and praying. Actually I can’t really remember when I started.. I think it was a space of 3weeks that I was praying and then it finally hit me – social work.

How did I discover that…well I was thinking of how I would love to help people. My friend had sent me some photographs of some really poor, malnourished children from Africa I think. I really wanted to help them. Then I realised mission will cost a bit of money to try out. But I knew somewhere along these lines that I wanted to help people. And then I started thinking about how much I look forward to the end of work everyday just so that I can go and do church stuff.. such as plan for youth group, or just simply playing the guitar and worshipping Him and even spending time with friends and talking to them.

Then it hit me – I could do all these with social work, in the youth area specifically. Then this rush of excitement came over me coz I knew simply that this was it! This was it. Never, ever felt so strongly about something before, more especially a job. I knew that this was what he planned for me. And sure enough – he carved the path for me. Let me tell you how such – that week I discovered that this was what I wanted to do, I told a few of my friends. Not many were encouraging – in fact only Francis was. A lot of people were like, pay low, stress, etc etc etc but who cares… my heart was set on what God had planned for me and no negative reaction from people was going to change my mind.

And the day after I told Francis, he called me saying that he met this girl who was working with a social work company who was looking for people and a degree was not a requirement and asked me to email the director I think. Which I did, and which she replied immediately asking me to send my resume!! And then it was the problem of getting internet access and sending my resume,(since my resume was in my crashed pc with no hopes of retrieving it or recalling what I did) she replied me on a Tues. Thurs I was on half day. I wasn’t really praying about the situation to God but it was a constant thought in my mind. On Friday God made a miracle happen for me. (you can ask me what is it, shan’t say here for now). And he put the thought in my head that I had my resume saved in my hotmail account. But then I had the problem of sending it coz my email had some error that I couldn’t even compose a message.

So delay until Monday. Then amazingly, on Monday after our meeting, my mom’s computer was working and had internet connection!! Her pc had been giving her problems as well but amazingly that night she managed to connect. Amazingly, the next day the lady replied me. Amazingly, after a bit of a messy situation, I managed to get half day leave for the interview. Amazing huh… how He had put everything in place for me. And that was when the dilemma… the decision comes up.

I have to decide whether I want to take up the job with this company or not. Of course I start with a trial. I know so strongly in my heart that God wants me to do social work. But now I have to take the plunge and see if it is with this organisation. They told me that different organisations do different kinds of social work. This is exactly what I want to do though – Child Protection. And from what they told me, I believe that there are many different areas in their organisation as well. Then Francis called me imediately after my interview. I need more people like Francis to talk to me. Who will simply encourage and tell me of God’s will and speak about God. Yeah, people, I know life is not a rosy picture, but I’d rather be with God and live in that moment. Of course, if I choose to do social work I know there definitely won’t be a rosy picture no more, or rather, that I cant imagine it is anymore.

Anyway, understand that Francis might have a job too, and his with a religious organisation where they go to schools and counsel students, if I’m not wrong. And then I started questioning myself, why why why, why do I have to have the secular organisation. Is this God’s intention. Obviously, or I won’t be having the interview and everything falling into my lap. But working in such an organisation will really have some kinda effect on my faith – as they know I am a Catholic and they told me they deal with stuff like abortion and pre marital sex, contraceptives and all that. Is this what God has planned for me I keep asking myself. I want to grow in my faith – is this the way for me? Or I could simply become a nun, if I want to be more holy holy and religious. Haha, no, I know now that that is not his intention for me. Anyway, joining the religious would also mean I’d have to give up everything also, which is the same anyway.

Well, I could simply take the plunge… but once I’m in it I will have no one to hold on to except God. Its not as though right now people are there for me anyway. But there are 2 things – either I plunge into it and my faith goes stronger – coz it is the next step in my faith journey – or I lose everything completely.

I need your prayers. Seriously. I have roughly two weeks.. the lady will be back on the 8th of Nov. Of course I can email earlier but I rather use the time to think about it first and then I can start with a trial. There will be problems though. Like taking leave for the trial. I don’t have any leave left and can only take unpaid leave which is questionable. Like, whether it is shift work or office hours. Yeah, I was too excited listening to them during the interview I forgot to ask stuff like working hours, pay etc. Pay is ok coz if this is what I wanna do, it doesn’t matter. I will probably be giving up my year end bonus as well unless they don’t mind me starting in January. But shift work does as then I will have to think about the youth. I won’t be free on Sundays then. Fridays even. Will there be someone to take care of them. Right now it is not clear. I need this clarification from God. The lady did tell me I will have to give up my social life. Follow God completely or not. These 2 weeks will be critical for me, am going to have intense praying in hopes that he will give me the clear YES that I should join this organisation – even as my heart is telling me right now that most probably it is.

Pray for me.

God bless.

P.S. A bit of juicy stuff for now… topic: guys! Haha! Hey, I’m a normal red blooded gal ya know. Well, let me ask you a question: have you ever liked someone but couldn’t really talk to them? As in click with them? But you like them a lot anyway, coz you’ve seen what a good person they are? (or is this admiration??) Shucks. There’s this person haha, whom unfortunately I have feelings for. I say unfortunately coz I think its going no where. Haha… not sure if he likes me too (question: how do you know if he likes you back??) but seriously, my prayer right now is, please God, let me stop having these feelings or let something happen. Coz I feel that I can’t really talk to him. And relationships is about communication right. Then I think who cares, I’m not going to bother anymore. But then suddenly this thought comes into my mind, “love is a choice”. Hmm, is that a sign telling me not to give up. But seriously if something doesn’t happen soon, I don’t think it ever will. Gonna be super busy if I do take up that job. Probably then I will forget about Him, I don’t know haha. Out of sight out of mind. I seriously don’t know. And I’m afraid to listen to Him to hear His answer. Previously, he told me “wait”. Now I don’t know… *dot dot dot dot* haha…. We’ll see…. Who is this person by the way? No one you know...haha!!!

P.S.S. Heard the good news from Nat that her mom’s lump is benign on Tues night. How amazing is that. Prayers works miracles. He loves us that much =o)