Politics politics, tsk tsk...

9.55pm….So here I am, stuck at home…. Everyone is busy today… assignments, wedding dinners, or simple cannot get through the line to them, and yet others, football matches lol… so I’m online as usual… nothing on TV, so boring! Luckily my friend came online so I’m chatting with him right now about jobs…what a boring life… you know what, I’m happy being single… but at times, wish that I had friends there to do stuff with me… especially my closer friends who are all overseas… and those that are here, well, busy with boyfriends or work or some other stuff. Life!! Ahh…. Haha….

I found out yesterday I won tickets to ‘Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen’ by taking part in a Perfect 10 contest but I found out today that I’ll be working at the time the movie is showing.. its at 7pm this coming Monday and I work 5to10pm… really very unhappy about it…especially since yesterday I asked my TL for the off day so that I can go back to school to do my demo tape and she started grumbling away and saying I ask so many offs already (even tho this off day – 17th June – is a day in a week that I had not asked for off at all), and saying she won’t entertain me next time… well I’m GONNA QUIT ANYWAY…. Haha…well that’s making me unhappy… I mean, the reason why I ask for off is because of my other commitments… and if I can’t fulfil those commitments, I won’t be happy, and I ask for off days way in advance, and besides, I’m only part time!! I should be allowed to have a say in which days I wanna work…. Aaarrgghhh…anyway, about the movie… I guess I’ll be forfeiting it… now have to find someone who wants to bring a friend to go see it… so it won’t be wasted… sigh… and now I gotta pray that 17th June… would be an ok date to go down to school to use the studios… and I also gotta pray that I get another job, a real one soon FAST A.S.A.P…. haha!! Learnt that people, my colleagues are actually not what they seemed… disappointing… POLITICS I guess… hate it… and dun know why I’m so blur to see through them as well… arrghhh....especially since they are present almost ANYWHERE... and I found out the hard way.. like when I first started work, I thought this 'auntie' was nice... so I went to her counter to buy stuff when I finished work... now, I bought Sunshine Bread, and at that time, a free box of GoldRoast Coffee was given free with every loaf. Since a customer asked me before for an extra box, I thought I'd do the same... but when I opened my mouth, she made a hoo ha about it... saying security will check will ask questions all the time in her loud voice... I was so embarrassed!! And I wasn't asking the extra box of coffee for myself, but for my mom.. coz she likes coffee... gee.... ever since then, I always kena from this 'auntie'... she will observe what I do and always make comments that drag on in that loud voice of hers... there was one time though, when she WAS WRONG... a customer bought a Jacobs Biscuit Tin, with which we're supposed to give a free mug. Since my counter did not have anymore, I went to that 'auntie's counter, juz beside mine to get it, and she started asking me why, saying that last time can only give the mug if the tin had a sticker with the words 'free mug' on it... well I heard from a colleague that this time round, it didn't matter anymore, can just give the mug with any tin... but she didn't believe me... and made a fuss about it... saying 'you better don't anyhow give'... the customer all the while was saying she doesn't know about it and didn't mind not getting it... then another colleague walked past... and the 'auntie' decided to clarify... and the colleague said yes, this time, can just give the mug with any tin. Just imagine!! I was right!! And the 'auntie' didn't even apologise or admit she was wrong. I don't know, cannot stand her and am wary of her ever since then... and am still 'kenaing' her hoo ha fuss this fuss that from her up to today...

ARRGGHHHLuckily there are still some genuine nice people... (boy, I hope I know how to tell)... and I really really cannot stand this politics business, I cannot stress enough but I guess its unavoidable.. even in school it was present... let me relate an incident to you where I almost proved myself and made it if not for politics... have always been interested in radio you see, even since I joined mass comm... well, in Year 2, there was this specialist project, where we could choose to audition for the committee for Radio Heatwave (our campus radio station) amongst other stuff like designer for an online website, etc. Well, I decided to apply for the post of Programme Director/Assistant... the highest post there... for that, we had to submit an essay, something like that about how we would run the station, the concept, management, etc... anyway

11.04pm... ok in the midst of writing this, got a phone call from Dennis, to watch the movie Shrek2 with the guys!!! How cool is that, I'm the happiest gal alive right now, I mean, I was just complaining that I was stuck at home and not anymore!!! Whoopeee doop... somemore Ralph is going to Korea tomorow so get a chance to say byebye to him before that hahaha.... I'll be back!!! Elated Marie signing off....

Its a Beautiful Day!!

Ok, today I had to go for 6.30am mass for Ascension as this week, Tues to Thurs I start work at 5pm at a stretch. Wierd, coz I havent gotten night shift in a long time (esp. when I want it) and when I don't, I get it. :S Anyway, luckily I managed to wake up.. I woke up at 5plus just like that, without alarms, must be Jesus waking me up, although I had some difficulty getting out of bed of course, lol.

Anyway, after breakfast at Purmei and everything I reached home about 8am like that, and finally settled in, and since I had an early start today, I thought I better get some things done… starting by calling Augustine Anthuvan. He’s the Assistant Programme Director of Radio Singapore International (RSI) and my cousin’s friend, and he helped me to forward my resume to the HR dept yesterday. So I called him to thank him and also to ask some details about the industry. He’s a pretty well spoken guy, good voice, I guess it’s a quality all broadcast/radio presenters have. It was really nice of him, and I wonder about my chance coz he did say lotsa people have also written in, and he just told to to try again after a while if I didn’t hear from them.

Then I tried calling my HR department, coz its exactly 1 week since my manager spoke to me, if you read my blog one week ago you’d know about the PR job that they had available.. anyway, haven’t received such a call so I decided to take matters into my own hands… and called HR department.. first time, phone engaged… second time, told me to speak to a particular person called Serene. Called Serene, not at the desk. Ok, waited for half an hour. Called again, still wasn’t there. The person I spoke to also told me I could speak to someone called Xiu Geok. Ok by then was 11plus, I decided to wait until after lunch. Spent the morning lazing around watching TV, HBO in particular, this stupid movie about mutant flies called ‘Infested’ starring Amy Jo Johnson.. remember her… I think she starred in Party of Five wasn’t it? And Power Rangers. Anyway, crap movie. Wanna know the storyline? Flies who breed in humans and once they get into you.. through your mouths you become like zombies like that. Gee.

Anyway, before I got round to calling HR again, I tried calling my past lecturer, Mr. Kwek, coz I’ve been trying to make my demo tape for ages but he has never replied to my mail. Called him at the office and voila! I got him at that instant! So surprising and instant happiness. BUT, nothing was settled as he told me the studios is currently under maintenance, and he told me to get back to him a particular date on when I wanted to go down. Ok, at least I can still make the tape, the question is, will I ever get to. We only know our schedule up to Sunday, I didn’t see my supervisor today to be able to ask her for off, and the upcoming 2 weeks I already asked for off days at a stretch for the camp. I really hope this works out. I plan to ask for next week 27 May, and 17th June. Hopefully 17th June would be good, and that I can use the studios, and that also means I have a month to polish up my act. Goodie goodie. Hope everything goes my way. Well, it has so far hasn’t it, hehe.

Anyway, lunch I had my fav. Maggi Packet porridege, only thing it turned out not to be my favourite, firstly, coz I added the left over corn beef in my fridge…it didn’t go so well coz I was already struggling with finishing up the beef (I think this brand sucks), and the porridge that I was cooking was fish flavour.. imagine mixing fish and beef… eeeee… and what was worse, I left it to overboil… and rushed to the kitchen only when I had a burnt smell!!! Luckily it was a non-stick saucepan, I soaked it in the water and after a while, the whole thing that was stuck just came out. Amazing. But what a watse of porridge as well.

Finally at 2plus, called HR again, and still couldn’t get Serene. Got Xiu Geok though, who after finally understanding what I was talking about (!!!) she told me to speak to my manager again. Seems that they don’t really know. Arrgh, that was what could have made my day perfectly beautiful… if they said I got the job just like that. Although the people are great I can’t stress enough that the pay I’m earning is meagre, (yes, i shan't be afraid to admidt it's only $400 plus a month) considering that I owe the bank $100 monthly for the tuition fee loan as well as my monthly $150 handphone/intenet bill. (not that it is that expensive, but because I don’t pay the full bill so it keeps bringing forward. And what about transport and sundries and food… arrrggghh… also I’m getting bored with the job, and it won’t look so good for my resume as well. Part-time only mah. Anway, I couldn't be happy untill I went to work and spoke to my manager. Which was what I did.

He was also another fellow quite difficult to get, although he was reassuring when I finally got to find him. He told me that they would call, I had nothiong to worry and that I shouldn’t have to call HR coz it was the HR manager that spoke to him and probably hadn’t conveyed the msg. He said if I don’t hear from them next week, that someone from HR would be coming down for walk in interview and that to look to him, ‘prompt’ him as he called it, about what I wanted. The thing is, he wasn’t sure of the day next week. And he told me again that the PR job is just handling lotsa phone calls. Wonder why, maybe he's trying to put me off. Well, I wouldn't mind the supervisor job too. Not so boring, only downside is shift work. Or should I take the PR job, after all, I don't intend on staying on for long term. Hmm, problem was when I first started they asked if i wanted to be considered for Supervisor. Should have taken it. Since then had problems in getting through to them about my interest in the job. Is it coz its not meant to be? Hmm, I'm so fickle...Well, I really hope this can be settled. Please please!!! Then my day would truly be beautiful and looking forward to a pay more than $1000!!! Whoopee haha…

12.30am... too tired to continue.. whats worse is that I have work at 8am tomoro... yeah, tomoro, sat n sun, 8am at a stretch... madness... haha... and yet i still wanna watch Buffy right now... Oh well, will catcha later.... ZZZZZZZZZ

12.53am... Decided to continue anyway... else I might forget what to say.. should say what is 'fresh' lol... My Auntie Marie (yeah, my namesake, also whom I was named after) is supposed to be in Singapore later today (Fri)...for a visit until she settles in Rome I think. She's a Connossian nun. (did I spell that right?) And she's always claimed that I'm her favorite neice, haha... wonder if its still the same... coz I'm so beeg now... anyway, last time she was here I wasn't able to meet her so really hope I can meet her this time around.

Also, today managed to put in my contact lenses within 10mins!!! Yup, I was kinda timing and forcing myself to, and I guess because I was in a hurry, it was quite difficult at first, although it was a far cry from when I first started. Hmm, maybe I can write an article on it. My mind somtimes goes blank whenever put on the spot or when it comes to coming up with creative ideas I don't know why. I mean, I'm a mass comm student!! Aaarrggghhh...Frustrating man!! Hahaha.. am going back to the couch to watch Buffy and am probably gonna fall asleep there with my lenses on and will be woken up by my mom screaming at me to go and sleep... hahahaha... take care dude, dudettes, you whoever is reading this. And do comment if you like. Ciao!! Tata!! ZZZZzzzz

Bummer

Today, being my off day, I really lazed around like nobody's business lol..

Firstly last night I slept at abt 5plus AM, and today I woke up close to 2pm!! Haha... bummed around.. watched my favourite soap, 'The Bold & The Beautiful', the only work I did was laundry I guess, and a bit of ironing! Hahaha... what a peeg I am...

Then I watched some more TV... Fear Factor was on today on AXN... and the contestants had to do a pretty scary stunt.. they had to be covered in bees!! Chialat... its like you're facing death.. coz you can die from bee stings right...I know I can never be on Fear Factor.. and it isnt't coz I'm chicken, lol...

Friends the new season was also on, hilarious.. I love it... and after that, a new drama series, 'Nip/Tuck' about the lives of 2 plastic surgeons and, one of my favourite actors, Julian McMahon!! Fell in love with him ever since I saw him in Charmed.. tall, gorgeous, sexy... *swoon*... lol...and he's Australian... I wonder whats with Aussie guys... coz I think Hugh Jackman is sexy too, and when I was in Aussie, saw some really cute guys as well. But I may be wrong, coz I don't like Mel Gibson, nor do I like Heath Ledger... and they're both Aussies... hehe ;)

My worst nightmare come true!!!

My worst nightmare came true today…. I woke up at 12plus PM… when I was supposed to start work at noon!!! Die die die.. rush rush … luckily nothing happened… started work as per normal….but this is my worst nightmare… that I would oversleep and miss an important exam, or work or whatever… and it actually came true today!! Gee! And actually yesterday, I had that very dream… similar lah… I dreamt, that bcoz I was always late… I got fired!! Oh my gosh!!!!

Anyway, the past few days.. had a good chat with my ol friend Karen… a good friend of mine from poly days…who’s in Aussie right now studying…. Boy was it good to chat… my friends all have their own lives… and now because I gotta do lotsa things on my own, i.e. independent woman,… kinda hard to find people to talk to or do stuff with. Anyway, she’s doing ok… can’t wait for her to come back in July, then we can go movies, eating food… shopping… whoooo exciting man…all d stuff that I like!!! lol!!! And Seb, miss him too… Seb is my best friend in poly who’s now in Thailand for his NS…. Haven’t heard from him in a while… sigh. And my other good friend over here in SG, Sihan, is very busy… been wanting to meet up with her the past few days but always something came up… but today something good happened… we finally settled that we will meet after Wed!! Really hope that happens lah, haha….

Anyway…. Today managed to put on my lenses quite fast… my right eye within 15mins, my left eye within 10mins!! Cool huh… Determination also plays a part… yesterday I told myself I’m not moving out from the chair until I get the lenses in haha….I think today it became easier… I knew I had to open my eyes wide.. and cup the lenses in on my eyeball… the reason why it kept falling was because it was too wet…. Taking it out is quite easy too… hope I become an expert in a couple of days haha :)

The Good... The Bad... and The Outcome... Part 2

Ok…. Now on to the day after… 14th May 2004 – Friday… an ordinary day… oh, yeah, at work, I got a new ‘swipe card’ with my photo on it… guess coz I’m already confirmed staff!!! And I noticed some people who worked longer than me still do not have the new card… hmmm… weird… then after work, I tried wearing my contact lenses for the first time on my own but not very successful… so I gave up and it was off to prayer meet as usual… even though some of the guys are much younger than me I really feel so comfortable with them and they’re really so funny that I always have such a good time….J I think the Confirmation camp is gonna be good too… gotta pray for it…!!! Whoopeee….

It was only much later in the night… 2plus 3 plus am…especially when I tried to sleep that I felt very uncomfortable… boy I hope I don’t feel it tonight as im gonna sleep soon too lol…. But as I tried to sleep I suddenly got very depressed…abt the previous days’ events, about handling things, about going back, about my decision….I was so confused and depressed and I seriously don’t know what was happening to me… I felt so alone, I felt goose pimples, (!!!) I felt God was testing me, I dunno… I was simply delirious and I don’t know why….

So I just kept praying or at least trying too…. Tried to focus on God… Jesus…. Mary…I really want to do the right things but sometimes I feel as though I don’t… and it makes me very frustrated…. So I started contemplating, searching for stuff, I came across the church bulletin…from a couple of weeks back… I think it was March 21st… Fourth Sunday of Lent… and I just started reading… came across “people repent for many reasons………..our reasons are not important as the fact that we repent….. God welcomes us back…. Embracing us with love and mercy that restores us and heals us……… the Lord is anxiously waiting for you…” and then it dawned on me… the Good Lord wanted me to go for Confession!!!

Confession was it… I so desperately want to be closer to God, to do his will, to try to do the right things, and for whatever reasons I was depressed I do not know but if was making me feel so sad, so empty… or rather, like there was this huge weight on my heart…. And the very cure for that was Confession!!! Imagine my joy after coming to that realisation… and actually it was right in front of me… Confession reconciles us with God… gives us graces… helps us to start afresh…Confession helps us to heal… the answer was right there… I was ecstatic… it was as though God spoke to me… not directly, but he gave me the answer that I was looking for… and guess what, after that I could sleep perfectly :) at 4plus5am :) peacefully no doubt

The Good... The Bad... and The Outcome... Part 1

Hiya!!!!!!!I’m back again after not writing for a space of 2 days? I think? Hehe. Let me update you with whats going on in my life… and certainly quite a bit has happened… starting with

Thursday, 13th May… an ordinary day, got up, went to work… at work something unexpected happened…. I was going to off work at 5pm… when around 4plus, I was told the manager wanted to see me…. Actually, my first thought was, die lah… he’s gonna ask me why am I always late for work….on the contrary, it was something good! It seems that they noticed… I had a diploma… and was wondering why I was working part-time, maybe I had other plans?

Anyway, my talk with him was quite long… he asked stuff like what I studied, my family, and my aim… basically Im pretty aimless.. so he was trying to advise me lol… real nice of him…. Anyway, the point was, if I didn’t have anything planned for my life would I be interested in the supervisor position, so of course I said yes… I was getting bored with work anyway… and the pay… not really getting me through… then he also mentioned that at headquarters, they had a pr (public relations) job…. But the pr job was the boring kind he said… office hours, answer phone calls…well anyway, he said he will talk to them… at the end of the day, he saw me again and he said HR will be calling me for the PR job…. Happiness man! Actually I was thinking its boring and maybe I want supervisor… but the good thing is its and office hour job, so I still can have a social life and still help out in church… as well as look out for new jobs, or, take courses or learn other new stuff that I’d been wanting to do….also I thought I’d just go for the interview and ask what the job entails and then decide…. But they haven’t called me yet… I guess coz its so close to the weekend… really pray they will call next week… coz me wanna do something new and get higher pay, the pay for my qualifications man!! Lol…. That was one good thing that happened that day!!!

The next good thing was, after work, I went to finally collect my lenses (it was already 2 weeks)…a bit worried and apprehensive about putting them on and all that, especially in front of the optician… but it turned out great…. She put them into my eyes first… then I had to take them out, then it was my turn to put them back in… and that was the hard part…. But she was patient with me… and finally I did it and I must tell you, to have perfect vision was fantastic!!!! And I didn’t really feel much which was surprising coz I expected to feel like there’s something there but it felt like nothing!! Fantastic… great… then I gotta go back in a week’s time for aftercare….maybe it was the bird shit bringing me luck…. Lol… yeah I think I forgot to mention that the day before when I stepped out of my block to head towards SingaporePost to pay my bills, wham smack, I kena-ed birdshit :S

then I went on a slight shopping spree at Cold Storage… yeah I love shopping and that includes grocery shopping lol.. or rather, window shopping since mostly I cant afford stuff…. And it was after that, that a bad thing was also about to happen….

I was faced with the hardest thing I’d ever had to do…heartbreaking, heart wrenching….i felt terrible, but I knew I had to do it… the thing was I panicked and didn’t handle it very well… but Jesus, knowing my struggles with this issue, made everything all right… he sent someone juz when I desperately needed advice….even though I’ve been looking for someone to talk with earlier, no one was really available until the very last hour when I faced the problem… how amazing is that… And although I first handled the situation selfishly and terribly, at the end of the day it was simply wonderful…. I was at peace although it was pretty heart wrenching to hurt someone….But I knew in my heart truly that it was for the best… and that nothing but good could come out of it…. And dear Jesus made everything all right… a terrible situation… turned into something good…. Who could have done that except the good Lord…. And it just shows that he’s been listening to be and being with me through my struggles… coz sometimes you really feel alone… but at the end of everything that has happened, I just know that Jesus loves me and cares for me, listens to me, and is always, always there with me… :)

Ma bdae n Reflections...

Hi…. I’m back finally… after a couple of days…. This is the reason why I don’t really write a journal… coz I don’t do it regularly… and also, coz I’m pretty much a private person, so sometimes I wonder about the level of what I should say…well, at least if I’m posting this online…

Anyway, as you probably know, my birthday was last sat… and I had a blast… never expected it.. on Fri, 7th May the day before, I cut my birthday cake… although it was all in a blur and I’m not sure if I made my wish properly… ahhh!! Lol… it doesn’t matter… I’m sure everything will come together.

Ohh, and because I was late, I didn’t go to buy curry-puffs… which was actually what I intended to bring for the little celebration…. But I didn’t think that the stall would actually make it… when I went there on Monday to buy food, they said they actually made the curry-puffs for me but I didn’t turn up, and luckily they managed to sell them all off…. Yikes :P

And then I watched Van Helsing… loved the movie… its my kind of movie, fantasy type, mystical type, with some small slight of romance and all dat… great start to the day… although I spent most of my birthday ‘day’ sms-sing to my friends as well as sleeping… or at least trying to lol….

And then went for mass, then celebrated Mother’s Day with my bro’s family at our usual place for ths type of events… the Senior Officer’s Mess..… wow, his new station wagon can now fit all of us… fantastic… and my little cutie pie Philip was there, bringing the sunshine to my life as usual….and then I went off to meet my friends for clubbing… at that time I wasn’t feeling so good… coz of some reasons that I can’t say right now…but it really made me feel lousy… to the point of tears…. the reasons that I can actually say is probably PMS & cramps…actually everything was getting to me and I really wanted to go home… but of course lah I didn’t…. and then everything turned out to be good…. Decided to go to Cheekys, although at first it was Carnegies (free entry but the mood wasnt there), queueing outside Cheekys also made me wonder whether I should be there...I guess it was PMS... well finally got in at about 1plus AM!! And then after hanging out at the pool table abit, the guys bought me a flaming lambhorgini... and it was pretty scary looking at first... the flames and all, but I thought, cannot be chicken, so I drank it, although not all, coz I started caughing and had a sore throat (that didn't last haha)... and then Dennis recommended me and bought me a Baileys, which was fantastic, but too little I felt.. and then after that I really got tipsy.. lol... but it was fun...and then it was hitting the dance floor time!! (my favourite part) althought by the time we were at the dance floor, my favourite music, which is hip hop, and which is the only form of music that I think I can dance too, was too few... they were mostly playing dance/pop music I think. Then had a breather, saw Di for a min or so, just to wish me, and then back to the dance floor for a little while, and then it was closing time. Gee, just when I was starting to enjoy myself. Oh well, I did anyway, and I can only thank the Lord for that. :) Thank you so much….Aside from my birthday, I’ve been thinking about a lot of other stuff lately.

I have to get my priorities right and stick to them… right now, my priority is the Confirmation Camp… and, also, my career….I know what I have to do and I just gotta do it… and I just gotta pray that everything that is meant to be, will be… and that everything will be alright. Prayers do get answered, and prayers work wonders.

I’ve also learnt something from observing someone this past few weeks. I’ve learnt the key to happiness is just to be selfless and giving. Know what I mean? I don’t know how to explain it…. Ok, let me put it in this context… lets say, you’ve got a friend…. And that friend is not there for you… what do you do… not be there for them too? No, on the contrary you should… even if they might not appreciate it or know it….but believe me God knows it…. And the reward from the feeling of being selfless and loving and giving despite all the odds is just too wonderful for words….its like do onto others what you would want others to do onto you….

Haha… of course, in a week or maybe, even tomorrow, I may have a different opinion of things… I dunno, that’s the way I am, just plain fickle sometimes…. And unsure of myself… but I do know that right now…

I really thank God for this very special person… when they came into my life… I did not know it then… coz I was busy with my other stuff…. But God has his way of letting people reach out to you when you least know it or expect it… and then one fine day you wake up and right smack in your face you realise it….you know the song… :

‘The Reason’ by Hoobastank…. “I’ve found a reason for me, to change who I used to be A reason to start over new, and the reason is you I’ve found a reason to show a side of me you didn’t know A reason for all that i do, and the reason is you “

The reason… for me to change is them… and is Jesus….its hard too, of course… coz its so easy for me to stray, to want to go back to the old ways…because.. sometimes you feel as though you have no one… no one understands you… that its really so easy to go back…. but I guess, even though they do not know it, just being friends with them has made me wanna do things… without anyone telling me to…has made me wanna move on… and try to be as selfless as them….and of course that reason is you too Jesus… I feel as though you want me to do something…. Maybe now is the time for me to grow up and do something… and whether or not what I’m feeling towards the person is gratitude, or admiration, or maybe something slightly more I do not know, but somehow, I will just pray… and everything will be put into place…and everything will be alright….and Jesus…. Thank you so much… I only hope I can give back even a little of what you gave to me….and I can only pray… that I will not stray… and stick to this kind of thinking…

Please… let me not be biased… please let me see people for who they truly are…. And please… let me open up myself….so that I can reach out to others… “GOD grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage the change the things I can & the wisdom to know the difference”My own special prayer… for what I’m going through right now….:

“Lord...please grant me the discipline to not go back...the strength to face the future...& the wisdom to make the right choices...”