Ma bdae n Reflections...

Hi…. I’m back finally… after a couple of days…. This is the reason why I don’t really write a journal… coz I don’t do it regularly… and also, coz I’m pretty much a private person, so sometimes I wonder about the level of what I should say…well, at least if I’m posting this online…

Anyway, as you probably know, my birthday was last sat… and I had a blast… never expected it.. on Fri, 7th May the day before, I cut my birthday cake… although it was all in a blur and I’m not sure if I made my wish properly… ahhh!! Lol… it doesn’t matter… I’m sure everything will come together.

Ohh, and because I was late, I didn’t go to buy curry-puffs… which was actually what I intended to bring for the little celebration…. But I didn’t think that the stall would actually make it… when I went there on Monday to buy food, they said they actually made the curry-puffs for me but I didn’t turn up, and luckily they managed to sell them all off…. Yikes :P

And then I watched Van Helsing… loved the movie… its my kind of movie, fantasy type, mystical type, with some small slight of romance and all dat… great start to the day… although I spent most of my birthday ‘day’ sms-sing to my friends as well as sleeping… or at least trying to lol….

And then went for mass, then celebrated Mother’s Day with my bro’s family at our usual place for ths type of events… the Senior Officer’s Mess..… wow, his new station wagon can now fit all of us… fantastic… and my little cutie pie Philip was there, bringing the sunshine to my life as usual….and then I went off to meet my friends for clubbing… at that time I wasn’t feeling so good… coz of some reasons that I can’t say right now…but it really made me feel lousy… to the point of tears…. the reasons that I can actually say is probably PMS & cramps…actually everything was getting to me and I really wanted to go home… but of course lah I didn’t…. and then everything turned out to be good…. Decided to go to Cheekys, although at first it was Carnegies (free entry but the mood wasnt there), queueing outside Cheekys also made me wonder whether I should be there...I guess it was PMS... well finally got in at about 1plus AM!! And then after hanging out at the pool table abit, the guys bought me a flaming lambhorgini... and it was pretty scary looking at first... the flames and all, but I thought, cannot be chicken, so I drank it, although not all, coz I started caughing and had a sore throat (that didn't last haha)... and then Dennis recommended me and bought me a Baileys, which was fantastic, but too little I felt.. and then after that I really got tipsy.. lol... but it was fun...and then it was hitting the dance floor time!! (my favourite part) althought by the time we were at the dance floor, my favourite music, which is hip hop, and which is the only form of music that I think I can dance too, was too few... they were mostly playing dance/pop music I think. Then had a breather, saw Di for a min or so, just to wish me, and then back to the dance floor for a little while, and then it was closing time. Gee, just when I was starting to enjoy myself. Oh well, I did anyway, and I can only thank the Lord for that. :) Thank you so much….Aside from my birthday, I’ve been thinking about a lot of other stuff lately.

I have to get my priorities right and stick to them… right now, my priority is the Confirmation Camp… and, also, my career….I know what I have to do and I just gotta do it… and I just gotta pray that everything that is meant to be, will be… and that everything will be alright. Prayers do get answered, and prayers work wonders.

I’ve also learnt something from observing someone this past few weeks. I’ve learnt the key to happiness is just to be selfless and giving. Know what I mean? I don’t know how to explain it…. Ok, let me put it in this context… lets say, you’ve got a friend…. And that friend is not there for you… what do you do… not be there for them too? No, on the contrary you should… even if they might not appreciate it or know it….but believe me God knows it…. And the reward from the feeling of being selfless and loving and giving despite all the odds is just too wonderful for words….its like do onto others what you would want others to do onto you….

Haha… of course, in a week or maybe, even tomorrow, I may have a different opinion of things… I dunno, that’s the way I am, just plain fickle sometimes…. And unsure of myself… but I do know that right now…

I really thank God for this very special person… when they came into my life… I did not know it then… coz I was busy with my other stuff…. But God has his way of letting people reach out to you when you least know it or expect it… and then one fine day you wake up and right smack in your face you realise it….you know the song… :

‘The Reason’ by Hoobastank…. “I’ve found a reason for me, to change who I used to be A reason to start over new, and the reason is you I’ve found a reason to show a side of me you didn’t know A reason for all that i do, and the reason is you “

The reason… for me to change is them… and is Jesus….its hard too, of course… coz its so easy for me to stray, to want to go back to the old ways…because.. sometimes you feel as though you have no one… no one understands you… that its really so easy to go back…. but I guess, even though they do not know it, just being friends with them has made me wanna do things… without anyone telling me to…has made me wanna move on… and try to be as selfless as them….and of course that reason is you too Jesus… I feel as though you want me to do something…. Maybe now is the time for me to grow up and do something… and whether or not what I’m feeling towards the person is gratitude, or admiration, or maybe something slightly more I do not know, but somehow, I will just pray… and everything will be put into place…and everything will be alright….and Jesus…. Thank you so much… I only hope I can give back even a little of what you gave to me….and I can only pray… that I will not stray… and stick to this kind of thinking…

Please… let me not be biased… please let me see people for who they truly are…. And please… let me open up myself….so that I can reach out to others… “GOD grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage the change the things I can & the wisdom to know the difference”My own special prayer… for what I’m going through right now….:

“Lord...please grant me the discipline to not go back...the strength to face the future...& the wisdom to make the right choices...”