The Good... The Bad... and The Outcome... Part 2

Ok…. Now on to the day after… 14th May 2004 – Friday… an ordinary day… oh, yeah, at work, I got a new ‘swipe card’ with my photo on it… guess coz I’m already confirmed staff!!! And I noticed some people who worked longer than me still do not have the new card… hmmm… weird… then after work, I tried wearing my contact lenses for the first time on my own but not very successful… so I gave up and it was off to prayer meet as usual… even though some of the guys are much younger than me I really feel so comfortable with them and they’re really so funny that I always have such a good time….J I think the Confirmation camp is gonna be good too… gotta pray for it…!!! Whoopeee….

It was only much later in the night… 2plus 3 plus am…especially when I tried to sleep that I felt very uncomfortable… boy I hope I don’t feel it tonight as im gonna sleep soon too lol…. But as I tried to sleep I suddenly got very depressed…abt the previous days’ events, about handling things, about going back, about my decision….I was so confused and depressed and I seriously don’t know what was happening to me… I felt so alone, I felt goose pimples, (!!!) I felt God was testing me, I dunno… I was simply delirious and I don’t know why….

So I just kept praying or at least trying too…. Tried to focus on God… Jesus…. Mary…I really want to do the right things but sometimes I feel as though I don’t… and it makes me very frustrated…. So I started contemplating, searching for stuff, I came across the church bulletin…from a couple of weeks back… I think it was March 21st… Fourth Sunday of Lent… and I just started reading… came across “people repent for many reasons………..our reasons are not important as the fact that we repent….. God welcomes us back…. Embracing us with love and mercy that restores us and heals us……… the Lord is anxiously waiting for you…” and then it dawned on me… the Good Lord wanted me to go for Confession!!!

Confession was it… I so desperately want to be closer to God, to do his will, to try to do the right things, and for whatever reasons I was depressed I do not know but if was making me feel so sad, so empty… or rather, like there was this huge weight on my heart…. And the very cure for that was Confession!!! Imagine my joy after coming to that realisation… and actually it was right in front of me… Confession reconciles us with God… gives us graces… helps us to start afresh…Confession helps us to heal… the answer was right there… I was ecstatic… it was as though God spoke to me… not directly, but he gave me the answer that I was looking for… and guess what, after that I could sleep perfectly :) at 4plus5am :) peacefully no doubt