Stuck

Yesterday on a Saturday night, I was at home, yeah, what a boring life, lol.. and so I was switching the TV channels, trying to see whether there was anything good to watch. I came across this program called ‘A Haunting’ on the Discovery channel. This guy had dabbled in the occult and invoked spirits into his life. When they started taunting him and putting his and his familys’ life in danger, he decided to seek for help. The funny thing was, all the pastors that he went to did not know how to assist him and told him to get psychiatric help - I was surprised at this. He was getting delusional and on the brink of insanity. Finally help came when he was introduced to this lady, I have no idea what denomination she was from, and she managed to deliver him from the spirits who by then had possessed him. She did so in Jesus’s name, and with The Holy Spirit. And he said that he realised that there was one person who did care enough for him and loved him and that was Jesus. And I thought that was so wonderful. It is so true, Jesus loves each one of us so much, that he even suffered and died for us. Sometimes I cannot fathom the depth of this love, and sometimes I forget. How I wish that everyone in this world would come to know of this love that He has for them, and how I wish that I could do something about it. I’m stuck right now, how I wish I knew of His plans for me.

Why can't we just be nice to each other

I just had a weird encounter just now. Was doing my usual shopping at the supermarket at Bukit Merah, and had finished payment, but was waiting for my receipt and NETS card back. I was standing at the edge of the counter to make way for the next person to do her transaction. There was so much space at the counter already, enough for 2 persons, but I was so surprised that she went further into the edge, moving closer to me so as to push me into the wall. She knew what she was doing, because she glanced in my direction when she reached me. The best part was, if I was not wrong, she was someone from church. Her name starts with a ‘p’ and she was with her whole family, and someone else whom I recognised from the same jingbang who was with her was someone from church as well, his name starts with an ‘m’. I was so surprised, but if she was the person I thought she was, because she was much fatter now, she has always been like that to me from way back, during Sunday School times. Oh well, that’s her problem. I shan’t let it affect me, my only conclusion was she probably was jealous of me or something.

What I cannot fathom is how some people can be really mean or nasty or just don’t have a care in the world for their fellow human being. I remember an incident in the bus one day, I was sitting near to the window, and was napping as usual. I suddenly woke up with a rude shock as I was jolted from the side. I thought there was an emergency or someone was trying to tell me that I had reached the end of the bus route. When I got my thoughts together, I realised that the woman who was sitting beside me had jolted my side with her elbow as she was taking out something from her bag. I looked at her, and she knew I was looking at her, but not a word came out of her mouth. She pretended like nothing happened.

The other time when I was at Burger King, in the queue, this woman came up and stood right beside me. Yup, you got it, not behind me, but right beside me. Made me wonder what she was trying to do, cut queue or what? Anyway, I had the last laugh. I was with my mom, and my mom was standing in the next queue, just to ensure that we would be able to get breakfast, as it was close to 11am. My mom’s turn came so I went to join her, and I managed to witness the lady being turned away when it came to her turn as there was no more breakfast. Ha ha.

I have a colleague who is a motor-mouth. She rattles off without thinking about what she’s saying. If you’re from the same company as me, and same department, you would know who I was talking about. What I cannot fathom, is that she can be really sarcastic to me when it’s just the two of us. What does she get out of being sarcastic and making useless remarks, I wonder? Let me relate 2 incidences to you, and you be the judge.

Recently we went for an event together, and I was wearing make-up. She commented that I should wear make-up more often, saying that I look sweet when I do. SOonaturally I told her she should wear make-up too. Guess what was her reply? “You need it, I don’t.” I was really shocked, and when I related what she said to my other colleagues, she got really defensive, saying that it was not what she meant, she meant that I knew how to wear make-up and she didn’t. Please tell me how this is linked to what she said about how I need to wear make up and she doesn’t. I don’t see the link at all.

Another time, we were on our way to Orchard with the intention of going to Wisma. Our bus would stop at Tangs. When we were reaching our stop, she told me to jay walk together across the road from Tangs to Wisma. So naturally I told her, ok, I would do so if you would stand on my right hand side which was where the cars were coming from. And her reply was, “wow, you’re such a good friend huh”. For the life of me, I do not know why she needs to be sarcastic. In the first place, she was such a “good friend” to want me to jay-walk, putting my life at risk. When we got down the bus stop, I saw that no one was jay walking and furthermore, I could see that the lane in between Wisma and the main road had plans alongside and wires about waist high probably to deter any jay walkers. So I told her I was not going to jay walk and she still wanted to, but I did not give in because I didn’t see how my leg could lift high enough to go over the wires. In the end, she didn’t either, she followed me and took the underpass. When we were safely across the other side, I pointed out to her and said, “see, no one is crossing”. And her reply was, “yah, you all are law-abiding citizens”. She’s not Singaporean.

And yet another incident which I must share, was something that happened at my mother’s workplace. Her colleague had given back about $40 more in change to a customer without realising. My mom saw that and pointed it out to him, and he was so surprised and ran after the customer, calling out to him all the while. The customer quickened his pace and disappeared into a lift.

I’m really surprised at how sometimes people could behave the way they do. Perhaps we should pray for individual peace on top of world peace. Sometimes I am so shocked at how people could behave in such a way that I am unable to react fast enough to counter them.
Why can’t we be nice to each other, the world will be a much better place if we do. Sometimes incidences like what I related above, makes me think that humans are bad, but they are not. There is definitely goodness in everyone. I have to remind myself of that :)

Lost

2009
So, its a new year already. Happy New Year!!!

Though I have not made any resolutions yet and I don't think I will. This year is gonna be a big year for me, I hope. If all goes well I should graduate in May. I'm probably going to do something totally out of the norm, some might say rash, but I will be following my heart and whatever happens after, happens.

Communion
How wonderful it is to be able to receive Jesus in the Holy Eucharist. This is the part of the mass that I so look forward to. When I receive Communion, the world comes to a standstill because it's my moment with God. For that few minutes everything is alright; everything is possible because I have Him with me. And then mass ends, and that moment is gone. It's so hard for me to be conscious that He is always with me, not only when I receive Communion and a few minutes after it. The Holy Spirit is always with us, but I don't know what's wrong with me, I simply can't get myself out of this zombie like state. I'm falling back into the black hole of emptiness... drowning in a deep dark neverending abyss. And the tar is weighing down my heart again.