Self Reflecting...
The past few days I’ve realised that when you do a good turn and give selflessly, you will get so much more in return. Being a leader doesn’t mean that you have to do all the work, and if you take initiative and are a good leader, you will definitely have the support and backing of the people and they themselves will try to help you in any way they can. So yeah, lesson learnt.. just as I learnt that sometimes, you just gotta try and make friends and break the ice; and do not be discouraged if you do not get the reaction you hoped for at the very beginning; people are most probably shocked and stunned to be talked to and will probably do not know how to react; but eventually you may end up as great friends as I did with some of the people I’ve just started smiling and talking to; even though I must admit it was hard for me to take that first step and out of my comfort zone as I’m pretty shy and reserved anyway.
Also, I’ve been meeting so many new people from school and from courses that I’ve been talking that its great. God has always provided me with people and friends at all the different times and scenarios in my life. I will never be short on friends. And even though I say again, I am really shy and cautious in making that first move and in talking to people; I really enjoy talking to new people once I do. I’m also not afraid to say that at this point in my life, I can afford to be choosy about my friends; my friends are few but they are good ones whom I can trust. I cannot remain friends with people whom I think might be a bad influence on me or with whom I simply cannot get along; birds of a feather flock together and they will probably just upset me, which if I can avoid, I will.
I’ve also realised that I do not like talking on the phone. I mean, email, sms, or meet up with me in person but unlike my teenage years where I used to sneak out of my room to talk on the phone in the living room until the wee hours and make myself as invisible as possible from my 12 years older brother who would come out from his room and yell at me when he discovered what I was doing, I do not like talking on the phone any longer. I hate silences on the phone and the atmosphere that comes with it, so if it sounds like I can’t wait to get off the phone, please understand that it’s just me. I do appreciate the calls though, and I very much prefer meeting in person. Although, here, I have to admit, I’m quite lazy and because of work and all that, I would rather relax at home or go explore by myself rather than go through any hassle in planning and arranging to meet people whose schedules would be difficult to come to a compromise. Of course, this is not to say I would not love an invite for a movie or a drink or dinner and supper.
I’ve also realised that its not enough to just think of people whom you miss and care about and just reminisce about the memories and good times you’ve had together. You gotta let them know that you care and take up the phone and call them or sms or whatever. How in the world would people be able to read your mind that you care for them. And you would never know whom you would be reaching out to or be touching.
I’ve realised again that sadly, I’m not a Mathsy person. Did not do so well for my Maths subject nor Excel. In English medium subjects I could probably bluff my way through or come up with ideas and such and I’m really an arts person. Then again, I’m sure if I put in more effort, I would probably be able to master the Mathsy stuff. You could do anything you put your mind to and you would never know until you try.
Am still thinking of what I wanna do in life when I graduate. I will not be too young and if I never take that chance and try, I will get too old to do anything, and will probably regret it for the rest of my life. The thing is, what. When I wanted to be a deejay, I tried. When I wanted to do social work, I tried. I thank God for giving me the opportunities to try. If I never tried, I would never know. Those times may not be the right time for me to be doing those things, but at least I got the experience to try. Right now, I’m really confused and torn between a few options. Though I remember clearly that when I went for mass on 18 May 08 and was really troubled about it and praying about it for some time after mass, I happened to bump into Fr. Arro when I was leaving the church and he stopped me and asked me hows life and work. Usually he would just say hi or hug me or that’s it. So spot on huh. So I told him that I did not know what to do in life, and he asked me what I was doing now and he told me to concentrate and focus on what I have now and think of what to do when the time comes. (which is when I graduate). I really treasure that moment, as I believe that God was answering my prayers, telling me not to worry. Still, not a day goes by when I do not think of what the future holds for me.
What I do know is that I cannot remain in this culture whereby one follows the cycle of going to work for the sake of earning money for a living and with this money, comes the need to buy material things to belong in the material world and community, and along with it the politics of the working world and the pressure of working and working for the sake of earning more money and getting higher in the corporate ladder. The thought of doing volunteer work has crossed my mind, along with getting into the arts scene / industry where everyday and every project will be a different one. I simply cannot imagine a monotonous life / job, or, as much as I love exploring the country, I cannot live a sedentary or relaxed lifestyle forever.
I cannot stand seeing the poor and lonely; my mom has told me time and again, that when I was about 6 years old and was in Thailand, I kept asking her for coins so that I could give them to a little girl not older than myself who had her limbs chopped off, to weigh myself an umpteenth number of times. I cannot bear the thought that there are poor starving children and people in some parts of the world who do not even have the luxury of eating full meals like I get to do. And I simply cannot bear the thoughts of people or reading the news that people who are so depressed or lonely that they see only death as an answer. I’ve felt lonely before and I so know what you are going through but death is never an option, nor the answer; life is all about choices; and there is always hope. I would love to reach out to all these people and have been keeping them in my prayers.
The thought of joining the religious has been in my mind, yes, but I have not received the call or seriously thought about it despite knowing very well that I want to give my heart totally to God and following him wholeheartedly would bring me the happiness and joy that this world could never give.
Romance is something I do dream about, and yet, romanticism is something that I do look upon with scorn and disdain; having seen so many examples of where couples cheat on each other or change after marriage, or even, I’ve seen so many people I know cannot bear to remain single that as soon as they break up they get together with another almost immediately. Or someone who is single who is desperate to be attached. To me, is this love or is this simply just the need for human companionship, which is something that I would love to study and ascertain the various factors and causes. As human beings, we are never meant to be alone and we are not alone, but the society has become such that meaning of real love and commitment has been squashed with the ideas of false happiness and what with multiple partners at the same time or that are discarded one after another like hot bricks for the very reason of ‘having fun’ or that ‘spur of the moment’ that I am very much disillusioned at this point.
That aside, I am also so looking forward to meeting and showing around the Italian youths (11 guys, 7 girls, 4 priests, 1 nun), together with my Aunt who is a Conossian nun, who would be coming over in July and stopover in SG for a few days before going to Australia for World Youth Day. This reminds me of the time when I was in the youth group and did this kind of thing, and God knows how much I miss those times and how much I still wanna be involved, but can’t coz of work and school and he’s given me this chance, especially wonderful since they are from another country and culture.
With all these in mind, I look forward to another new day of life, another new day that I must give thanks to God for, for the very reason that I am able so smell and breathe fresh air, to touch someone I love, to see beautiful nature, to hear your voice, to taste the delicious food that I love, to be blessed with a family, good health, a roof over my head, a steady income to be able to buy the things that I like and provide myself with food to survive, while bearing in mind that there are millions around the world who are not so fortunate as myself. Another day to give thanks to God for His son who loves me so much that I could never imagine, and to pray for those who are poor, who feel that they are all alone, depressed, suffering, lost hope; to realise that there is someone who cares for them and loves them just as much, and to have hope that theirs is the kingdom of Heaven.
Also, I’ve been meeting so many new people from school and from courses that I’ve been talking that its great. God has always provided me with people and friends at all the different times and scenarios in my life. I will never be short on friends. And even though I say again, I am really shy and cautious in making that first move and in talking to people; I really enjoy talking to new people once I do. I’m also not afraid to say that at this point in my life, I can afford to be choosy about my friends; my friends are few but they are good ones whom I can trust. I cannot remain friends with people whom I think might be a bad influence on me or with whom I simply cannot get along; birds of a feather flock together and they will probably just upset me, which if I can avoid, I will.
I’ve also realised that I do not like talking on the phone. I mean, email, sms, or meet up with me in person but unlike my teenage years where I used to sneak out of my room to talk on the phone in the living room until the wee hours and make myself as invisible as possible from my 12 years older brother who would come out from his room and yell at me when he discovered what I was doing, I do not like talking on the phone any longer. I hate silences on the phone and the atmosphere that comes with it, so if it sounds like I can’t wait to get off the phone, please understand that it’s just me. I do appreciate the calls though, and I very much prefer meeting in person. Although, here, I have to admit, I’m quite lazy and because of work and all that, I would rather relax at home or go explore by myself rather than go through any hassle in planning and arranging to meet people whose schedules would be difficult to come to a compromise. Of course, this is not to say I would not love an invite for a movie or a drink or dinner and supper.
I’ve also realised that its not enough to just think of people whom you miss and care about and just reminisce about the memories and good times you’ve had together. You gotta let them know that you care and take up the phone and call them or sms or whatever. How in the world would people be able to read your mind that you care for them. And you would never know whom you would be reaching out to or be touching.
I’ve realised again that sadly, I’m not a Mathsy person. Did not do so well for my Maths subject nor Excel. In English medium subjects I could probably bluff my way through or come up with ideas and such and I’m really an arts person. Then again, I’m sure if I put in more effort, I would probably be able to master the Mathsy stuff. You could do anything you put your mind to and you would never know until you try.
Am still thinking of what I wanna do in life when I graduate. I will not be too young and if I never take that chance and try, I will get too old to do anything, and will probably regret it for the rest of my life. The thing is, what. When I wanted to be a deejay, I tried. When I wanted to do social work, I tried. I thank God for giving me the opportunities to try. If I never tried, I would never know. Those times may not be the right time for me to be doing those things, but at least I got the experience to try. Right now, I’m really confused and torn between a few options. Though I remember clearly that when I went for mass on 18 May 08 and was really troubled about it and praying about it for some time after mass, I happened to bump into Fr. Arro when I was leaving the church and he stopped me and asked me hows life and work. Usually he would just say hi or hug me or that’s it. So spot on huh. So I told him that I did not know what to do in life, and he asked me what I was doing now and he told me to concentrate and focus on what I have now and think of what to do when the time comes. (which is when I graduate). I really treasure that moment, as I believe that God was answering my prayers, telling me not to worry. Still, not a day goes by when I do not think of what the future holds for me.
What I do know is that I cannot remain in this culture whereby one follows the cycle of going to work for the sake of earning money for a living and with this money, comes the need to buy material things to belong in the material world and community, and along with it the politics of the working world and the pressure of working and working for the sake of earning more money and getting higher in the corporate ladder. The thought of doing volunteer work has crossed my mind, along with getting into the arts scene / industry where everyday and every project will be a different one. I simply cannot imagine a monotonous life / job, or, as much as I love exploring the country, I cannot live a sedentary or relaxed lifestyle forever.
I cannot stand seeing the poor and lonely; my mom has told me time and again, that when I was about 6 years old and was in Thailand, I kept asking her for coins so that I could give them to a little girl not older than myself who had her limbs chopped off, to weigh myself an umpteenth number of times. I cannot bear the thought that there are poor starving children and people in some parts of the world who do not even have the luxury of eating full meals like I get to do. And I simply cannot bear the thoughts of people or reading the news that people who are so depressed or lonely that they see only death as an answer. I’ve felt lonely before and I so know what you are going through but death is never an option, nor the answer; life is all about choices; and there is always hope. I would love to reach out to all these people and have been keeping them in my prayers.
The thought of joining the religious has been in my mind, yes, but I have not received the call or seriously thought about it despite knowing very well that I want to give my heart totally to God and following him wholeheartedly would bring me the happiness and joy that this world could never give.
Romance is something I do dream about, and yet, romanticism is something that I do look upon with scorn and disdain; having seen so many examples of where couples cheat on each other or change after marriage, or even, I’ve seen so many people I know cannot bear to remain single that as soon as they break up they get together with another almost immediately. Or someone who is single who is desperate to be attached. To me, is this love or is this simply just the need for human companionship, which is something that I would love to study and ascertain the various factors and causes. As human beings, we are never meant to be alone and we are not alone, but the society has become such that meaning of real love and commitment has been squashed with the ideas of false happiness and what with multiple partners at the same time or that are discarded one after another like hot bricks for the very reason of ‘having fun’ or that ‘spur of the moment’ that I am very much disillusioned at this point.
That aside, I am also so looking forward to meeting and showing around the Italian youths (11 guys, 7 girls, 4 priests, 1 nun), together with my Aunt who is a Conossian nun, who would be coming over in July and stopover in SG for a few days before going to Australia for World Youth Day. This reminds me of the time when I was in the youth group and did this kind of thing, and God knows how much I miss those times and how much I still wanna be involved, but can’t coz of work and school and he’s given me this chance, especially wonderful since they are from another country and culture.
With all these in mind, I look forward to another new day of life, another new day that I must give thanks to God for, for the very reason that I am able so smell and breathe fresh air, to touch someone I love, to see beautiful nature, to hear your voice, to taste the delicious food that I love, to be blessed with a family, good health, a roof over my head, a steady income to be able to buy the things that I like and provide myself with food to survive, while bearing in mind that there are millions around the world who are not so fortunate as myself. Another day to give thanks to God for His son who loves me so much that I could never imagine, and to pray for those who are poor, who feel that they are all alone, depressed, suffering, lost hope; to realise that there is someone who cares for them and loves them just as much, and to have hope that theirs is the kingdom of Heaven.
Thank you Jesus. Amen.
posted by Marie Therese @ 12:56 am
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