Soul Searching...

Hi..haven't written for a couple of days.. nothing much to say.. but guess today I'll just say a few stuff...

Just talked to Seb..for those who don't know, Seb is my very very good friend, I can say, even best friend, from poly.. right from the first day.. orientation in fact... we clicked... and since then, we've been pretty good buddies.. well, after we graduated he has to do his NS.. and 3 months back he got posted to Thailand... anyway, he was back on 14th June.. if you read my other post you'd knew about it.. well I talked to him for about 2 hours or so on the phone.. coz you know, when you're away for so long, out of the country some more, lotsa things happen.. feel very sad that Seb had to experience what he did in Thailand.. and am praying very hard that he gets to stay here.. coz if not, he has to go back there for one year...yeah lah, its just so heart pain.. but what I'm wondering is, how come I feel that way with Seb, and not with my other friend... he was kinda like my best friend too.. but instead, all I ever do is get angry, or frustrated when I talk to him.. I don't seem to care about his feelings.. and I think what he feels is fake... and I, being so heartless, deleted his testimonial.. which was actually very sweet and true about me.. but I just blocked that out from my mind and deleted it away.. what is love seriously... coz I don't seem to know the word or show it very much... arrggghh... its really terrible... me that is... I can't seem to do things right.. I don't know the meaning of love... the value of it.. and all I ever do, is make my heart heavy... and hurt some people around me...and in doing so, hurting God... sigh. :(

This sat is my cousin's Jackie's wedding.. so exciting, only thing is I'll be missing it.. coz I work until 5pm and the church wedding is at 2pm.. arrgghh... I can only make it for the dinner, but aiyah, I dun know how.. Jackie is only 1 year older than me.. 23!! And she's getting married!! Wow. But am so happy for her. She was and still is one of my closest cousins. Her parents being my baptism godparents, every year Christmas they would visit us without fail and I always have fond memories of us as kids, we would play hide and seek around my house, hiding in the foldable cupboard etc hehe... and 4 years ago she was just talking about boyfriends with me.. and then last year, suddenly she brought her bf to my 21st bdae.. and then, now, she's married.. wow... its like, so grown up.. so mature.. hope she doesnt forget me haha. But usually the grown-ups/married pple tend to hang out together... I dun know.. hehe. This cousin of mine is really petite, pretty, and so hardworking and smart. I remember, her O levels she had all As.. could have gone to a top JC.. but she knew her vocation.. so she chose to go to poly and do nursing.. and she was top in that course too, I remember, she even appeared in the newspapers for a project she did. Really admire her.

Anyway, tomorow I'm going to go cycling again!! Yayy.. Sihan will be my khaki this time. Am going to cycle on a mountain bike this time, to prepare myself for motorbike reality. Just hope I can catch up with Sihan!! Haha.. and hopr I can wake up.. most importantly.. I'm so lazy.. and after that gonna meet Seb.. you know, its good to have him back.. kinda really felt as though my friends were all so far away.. but just imagine how it must have been for him.. away from family even...anyway, I'm going off now... mind blank... take care yah, God bless, love,Marie