Unhappy.. deep down
Hihi….
How have you been? I’ve been ok. I know life is never smooth, and yet I wonder how come it is for some, really. It has come to the point where I hate my job. HATE it. I’m on the lookout for a new job. If you know any please let me know. But no job in the service line please. So many things have been happening to make me HATE it. And my only consolation is, that I have applied and will be going on leave on May 3rd (Tues) so I will have a long weekend after the Labour Day holiday as well as May 9th (Mon) the day after my birthday so I can really enjoy. I have not saved up either in my last 8months of work. Can you imagine if I were to be jobless right now. Retrenched or whatever. No money!
Anyway my wish sorta came true. It came true and yet it didn’t. I shan’t go into details as I don’t want people to misunderstand me, but I can’t help but wonder why it has to be this way. Why why why. And as usual I don’t get the answers from God. Should I do a devotion. I really can’t take it at work and I am so out of place elsewhere, that I have no direction. And God was the one who placed me into these two positions. Why why why God. What do you want me to do.
Amazing when you look at how some people, appear carefree and childish and immature, but they are the ones who can seriously move you, whereas others who are or appear mature and sensible but when it comes down to the nitty gritty, you somehow feel that they don’t know the situation, but rather think they do and so called, wanna shepherd you. And it makes you so frustrated, coz you really know its not true, but you can't tell them off in case there is more miscommunication. Anyway, how amazing you are God. Its amazing how whenever we are down, suddenly we find ourselves with God. Don’t you think so. He is our centre, he is always there. Last week I was having such a terrible time. Amazing how from no time I suddenly was spending time with him in the Adoration room. I’ve also found out that there are people who care. But they don't say anything to me! Why why why. Is it coz you’re not close to me. Then how will I have consolation.
And you know how it hurts when you don't feel included with the people you hang out with. Makes you ask yourself why you even hang out with them. Especially when you hear them talking about something that they have done together or are going to do, but didn't call you. And you can't ask them about it because it will be awkward. God, I've been praying about this the longest time God. You've put me in this position and yet it doesn't seem to help. I know you hear me and answer prayers in your own time, but I've been praying about this for the longest time. Does it mean I'm just supposed to bear with it until the time comes for me to move on? It really sucks and I try my best but I'm so unhappy deep down :(
Anyway if you think about it, whenever you are thinking thoughts you are actually talking to God, because he is always there and always listening and hears us. Like when you’re in a situation, you can’t proclaim or tell anyone how you truly feel, you go ‘God, help me get out of this!’ in your head. Maybe that’s how things turn around sometimes even though you don’t recall praying about it much or at all. This is of course different from, “oh My God!” that you hear so often in the movies. I wonder how people can do this. This is actually taking God’s name in vain and it is a serious sin and a violation of a commandment. But oh well, the world these days.
Birthday Wishes: (If I say them out loud does that mean it won’t come true? :P)
Lord, please grant me clubbing khaki! I desperately need some. I so love to club and I so missed out on this when I was younger if I don’t do it now I’ll never do it…
Lord, please grant me new friends, (P.S. I wouldn’t mind cute handsome guys… remember my prayer earlier…)
Lord, please grant me a new job
Lord, please grant me a new vocation
Somehow I don’t think the last 2 wishes will be fulfilled so soon.. coz I need to close this chapter of my life before I can move on, and now would be a bit abrupt… but its these two that are causing me to be unhappy – to be more of a disaster than I already am.. but I really hope that you can grant me the first two wishes so that I can better carry on with what I am already doing, this I ask in your most precious name, Amen.
Good night!
Things to look forward to for the week ahead:
Monday
Lunch out with colleagues
Badminton in the evening, provided I get a racket and finish my work on time
Tuesday
The Pacifier and dinner out
Wednesday
Thursday
Gospel of Matt – more insight to be gained
Friday
Saturday
Clubbing I hope or some midnight movie marathon
Sunday
Guitar lessons
Cell core group
How have you been? I’ve been ok. I know life is never smooth, and yet I wonder how come it is for some, really. It has come to the point where I hate my job. HATE it. I’m on the lookout for a new job. If you know any please let me know. But no job in the service line please. So many things have been happening to make me HATE it. And my only consolation is, that I have applied and will be going on leave on May 3rd (Tues) so I will have a long weekend after the Labour Day holiday as well as May 9th (Mon) the day after my birthday so I can really enjoy. I have not saved up either in my last 8months of work. Can you imagine if I were to be jobless right now. Retrenched or whatever. No money!
Anyway my wish sorta came true. It came true and yet it didn’t. I shan’t go into details as I don’t want people to misunderstand me, but I can’t help but wonder why it has to be this way. Why why why. And as usual I don’t get the answers from God. Should I do a devotion. I really can’t take it at work and I am so out of place elsewhere, that I have no direction. And God was the one who placed me into these two positions. Why why why God. What do you want me to do.
Amazing when you look at how some people, appear carefree and childish and immature, but they are the ones who can seriously move you, whereas others who are or appear mature and sensible but when it comes down to the nitty gritty, you somehow feel that they don’t know the situation, but rather think they do and so called, wanna shepherd you. And it makes you so frustrated, coz you really know its not true, but you can't tell them off in case there is more miscommunication. Anyway, how amazing you are God. Its amazing how whenever we are down, suddenly we find ourselves with God. Don’t you think so. He is our centre, he is always there. Last week I was having such a terrible time. Amazing how from no time I suddenly was spending time with him in the Adoration room. I’ve also found out that there are people who care. But they don't say anything to me! Why why why. Is it coz you’re not close to me. Then how will I have consolation.
And you know how it hurts when you don't feel included with the people you hang out with. Makes you ask yourself why you even hang out with them. Especially when you hear them talking about something that they have done together or are going to do, but didn't call you. And you can't ask them about it because it will be awkward. God, I've been praying about this the longest time God. You've put me in this position and yet it doesn't seem to help. I know you hear me and answer prayers in your own time, but I've been praying about this for the longest time. Does it mean I'm just supposed to bear with it until the time comes for me to move on? It really sucks and I try my best but I'm so unhappy deep down :(
Anyway if you think about it, whenever you are thinking thoughts you are actually talking to God, because he is always there and always listening and hears us. Like when you’re in a situation, you can’t proclaim or tell anyone how you truly feel, you go ‘God, help me get out of this!’ in your head. Maybe that’s how things turn around sometimes even though you don’t recall praying about it much or at all. This is of course different from, “oh My God!” that you hear so often in the movies. I wonder how people can do this. This is actually taking God’s name in vain and it is a serious sin and a violation of a commandment. But oh well, the world these days.
Birthday Wishes: (If I say them out loud does that mean it won’t come true? :P)
Lord, please grant me clubbing khaki! I desperately need some. I so love to club and I so missed out on this when I was younger if I don’t do it now I’ll never do it…
Lord, please grant me new friends, (P.S. I wouldn’t mind cute handsome guys… remember my prayer earlier…)
Lord, please grant me a new job
Lord, please grant me a new vocation
Somehow I don’t think the last 2 wishes will be fulfilled so soon.. coz I need to close this chapter of my life before I can move on, and now would be a bit abrupt… but its these two that are causing me to be unhappy – to be more of a disaster than I already am.. but I really hope that you can grant me the first two wishes so that I can better carry on with what I am already doing, this I ask in your most precious name, Amen.
Good night!
Things to look forward to for the week ahead:
Monday
Lunch out with colleagues
Badminton in the evening, provided I get a racket and finish my work on time
Tuesday
The Pacifier and dinner out
Wednesday
Thursday
Gospel of Matt – more insight to be gained
Friday
Saturday
Clubbing I hope or some midnight movie marathon
Sunday
Guitar lessons
Cell core group
posted by Marie Therese @ 3:27 am
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