Suffocating... I need prayers
It's 5pm on a Saturday and I'm still in the office. And it's by choice. I have to or next week there is more work and it will just be my fault for not completing, for not managing, for not prioritising.
Just thought I'd post this quick note because right now I am really dying. Suffocating I can't breathe. I am physically sick. I have not recovered and I simply have no time to see a doctor. And I am emotionally sick as well.
Work is just terrible. It's been a month and we still don't have a new staff. Everyday tons of feedback, by email, by feedback form. Close to 30, 40 per day. We still have to answer phonecalls. How to concentrate on feedback when the calls come in. And its non-stop the past few days coz of some promotion we just had. Every single time we get scolded, reprimanded, questioned. No matter how hard we try our best. There's just no support. Alot of things are based on assumptions. If you say miscommunication, I try my best to communicate but I am shut off, cut off halfway and put in light as the bad person. I have no say coz I am the lowest position here. Authority always gets the final say.
I simply cry everyday. I pray but it just gets worse and worse.
And if work is not enough. Youth and church responsibilty also I get no support. Here, I have authority but authority here is different. Everyone comes to you expecting you to do this and that. Expecting you to know this and that. They do not take no for an answer. And you can't say yes coz the people don't want it. Something comes up and you're suppose to represent. People can't make it coz they have their own stuff. Is it simply up to me to bear the responsibility? What if I myself cannot do it or cannot make it? Why don't people care? Then it will be back to square 1. The youths are not doing anything. The co-ordinating is terrible. I've seen the worst of it - the Youth Fest, dunking machine. But now I'm at the end of my tether. I won't even mention what I have right now. It's just pushing me to my limits. I try my best to tell people whats going on in my life but I get spurned. It's so fake. Now I know why people don't like to come to church. Its the people. The people I like, I'm not even close to them.
And outside actvities. It's just going on and on and on. Despite me cutting down. Swimming, guitar, etc. I still have to meet friends to do this and that. I tell you I just wanna get away from it all. I have no quiet time to myself, to follow up with Sister from my retreat also. No time to BREATHE. No time for me just to sit with God. I need your prayers seriously. Or I am simply going to disappear. And do something impulsive.
It's my birthday in about a week's time but the events leading up to it already show its not going to be a celebration. It's going to be a death sentence.
Just thought I'd post this quick note because right now I am really dying. Suffocating I can't breathe. I am physically sick. I have not recovered and I simply have no time to see a doctor. And I am emotionally sick as well.
Work is just terrible. It's been a month and we still don't have a new staff. Everyday tons of feedback, by email, by feedback form. Close to 30, 40 per day. We still have to answer phonecalls. How to concentrate on feedback when the calls come in. And its non-stop the past few days coz of some promotion we just had. Every single time we get scolded, reprimanded, questioned. No matter how hard we try our best. There's just no support. Alot of things are based on assumptions. If you say miscommunication, I try my best to communicate but I am shut off, cut off halfway and put in light as the bad person. I have no say coz I am the lowest position here. Authority always gets the final say.
I simply cry everyday. I pray but it just gets worse and worse.
And if work is not enough. Youth and church responsibilty also I get no support. Here, I have authority but authority here is different. Everyone comes to you expecting you to do this and that. Expecting you to know this and that. They do not take no for an answer. And you can't say yes coz the people don't want it. Something comes up and you're suppose to represent. People can't make it coz they have their own stuff. Is it simply up to me to bear the responsibility? What if I myself cannot do it or cannot make it? Why don't people care? Then it will be back to square 1. The youths are not doing anything. The co-ordinating is terrible. I've seen the worst of it - the Youth Fest, dunking machine. But now I'm at the end of my tether. I won't even mention what I have right now. It's just pushing me to my limits. I try my best to tell people whats going on in my life but I get spurned. It's so fake. Now I know why people don't like to come to church. Its the people. The people I like, I'm not even close to them.
And outside actvities. It's just going on and on and on. Despite me cutting down. Swimming, guitar, etc. I still have to meet friends to do this and that. I tell you I just wanna get away from it all. I have no quiet time to myself, to follow up with Sister from my retreat also. No time to BREATHE. No time for me just to sit with God. I need your prayers seriously. Or I am simply going to disappear. And do something impulsive.
It's my birthday in about a week's time but the events leading up to it already show its not going to be a celebration. It's going to be a death sentence.
posted by Marie Therese @ 4:56 pm
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home