For 14/03/06, Monday, 1pm.

Hello….

Its been ages since I last wrote huh keke. Did you guys missed me? Wondering whats been happening in my life? Hehe…

Well, it’s the day after the Confirmation Camp 2006. Didn’t really feel much or have much to say about the camp.. (Food was nice though… like the chicken wings, pizzas and bacon hehee) Except for 1 very important thing – I love the kids… or should I call them youth haha. They’re simply great with a variety of personalities… all fun loving, all caring, all leaders as was said. It really makes my heart swell up when I think of them.

A few people I would like to mention, who have touched my heart in one way or another and in no particular order are:
Pearl – Camillus – Glynis – Cassandra – Carina – Michael – Jerry – James

I guess I was neutral throughout the camp. Don’t know whats wrong with my faith lately. Think because I’m having an inner struggle with myself because of some stuff I did some time back. I know for sure definitely God has forgiven me but I cannot forgive myself. It haunts me. :(

I wish that I had some nice, mature people to talk to. I really miss that. The people, or most of the people surrounding me right now are all fair weathered friends. And pretty immature I have to admit. I love them a lot, no doubt, they are my ‘friends’. But most of the time its talking about crappy stuff or stuff I don’t fancy and I just cannot trust them.

I don’t know if God will answer my prayers if I asked him to send me some nice, mature trustworthy friends. Friends whom I can talk to about Him. I love talking and learning more about Him through experiences of others. Talking and sharing is so different from reading a book. Friends whom I can talk about life. Friends who will just listen rather than go on talking. I just feel that my heart is so heavy and I just feel like crying.

I really wanna getaway go on a long retreat to figure things out but I can’t do that, as firstly I do not have enough leave and I cannot quit my job as I will not have any income. Sobsob :(

Funny thing, this was my horoscope for Sunday (12/03/06):

You generally have a great deal of confidence but you are hesitant about approaching people. You are known for your bravado, so put your best foot forward. It is also advisable to rein in the financial strings.

Not that I believe in horoscopes, we are not supposed to, but sometimes its just the message behind that you gotta decipher.

XXX (meaning I wrote some stuff but I think I better not post in case the wrong people read them)

I seriously feel so sianz, so drained, so alone. Why why why. I’m sick of playing around. Its good to joke around sometimes or life will be boring. But too much of crappy, nonsensical, rubbish stuff is really making me sick. I really wish and pray that I could have some mature, genuine friends for once. Surrounded with people and yet, so, so alone.