Disillusioned

My heart is wrenched out from my body
The pain is unbearable
Where did things go wrong

Is it me being oblivious
Or am I not considered a friend
A friend enough to be informed of what’s going on
Or is it, Marie doesn’t care so she doesn’t need to know

Is it best to remain silent
And carry on with your misconception of me
Without even clarifying the truth
But hold mere assumptions

My whole world is shattered
A part of me has died

A decision has to be made
Should I stay or should I go

I love them no doubt but do they love me
Would it make a difference if I were gone?
Do I provide more good or more harm?

I think that they love me but I guess I’m wrong

It’s just an illusion
I’m so disillusioned right now

Someone once said, well, actually Dennis said, on my friendster testiomonial

‘Good friends bring good times and will always share their laughter
Great friends bring with them their great heart and will always share their time belongings and what else they can spare
But the best of friends have nothing to offer but their thoughts, their secrets and most of all, themselves’

How true. Let me ask you if you’re my friend. Which one are you to me. Are you a good friend, a great friend, or a best friend of mine. And how do I treat you as. Are we both treating each other the same way?

Maybe we will never get past the good friends part to become best of friends. It takes two to tango. But is it too much to ask? Or hope for?

And love would never hurt, right. But the ones you love are the ones who hurt you the most.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails"

But what if things go horribly wrong from acting out of the best intentions? What then??

Completely disillusioned.