Leaving life in His hands

Hi.

I am back again and I haven’t written in some time I know. How have you been?

Where I am right now I am truly happy. But not in terms of work. Work I still have to hang in there until the time comes.

I am truly happy because for once, I really feel like I belong. I am truly happy because God has provided me with the opportunity to talk to different people recently. Younger people, older people. Religious. Lay people. I love talking to people but it is just difficult for me to get over that first step. Breaking the ice.

I realised something one day, as I was just thinking about things. I have a habit of doing that and I realised that your thoughts could be turned into a prayer if you address it to Jesus. I realised that it is not enough to just be happy observing people having a good time, which seemed to be my case. I realised that if I truly have love for them, I would want to find out more about them, about their lives, and even to join in the fun.

And this is what I have been praying for nowadays, what I have been trying to do.

And I know I am where I am right now because God answered my prayers. The first step is always so difficult, so awkward. In talking to people I mean. What do I say. Do I avoid them? Pretend not to see them and hope they did not see me too. Small talk? Weather? School? Praise? But I tried and even though the first conversation was awkward, the “result” or the outcome was friendship. Was fellowship. Was community. Was love. And this could not have happen if not for God. I remember so clearly praying to Him and asking Him to please help me. I want so much to talk to them but I don’t know what to say. And He did help me, after I had taken that first step. I am just so happy.

I strayed away for a while. After the “high” period. I remember that I felt like going for weekday mass. But I brushed that thought aside. It could be from the Holy Spirit. But I chose to go out with my mom and watch a movie instead. I thought it was okay, since she is my mom, family is important and I should spend time with her. But I also realised that one should always put God first. After that, prayer time became less and less. Lack of patience became more. Went for praise and felt that I couldn’t praise, simply because I neglected God. Felt like a hypocrite. But I told myself I owe Him praise. I should just ask for forgiveness, put aside my thoughts and just praise Him. And He blessed me. I was filled with overwhelming joy and realisation of His love and mercy. I could not believe it; the depths of His love. Yes, I had experience it before.. but being the sinner that I was, I just could not comprehend that He could still love me despite me sinning again and again.

How amazing is our God right!!!

Latest updates:

1 July
Watched The Cure – about St. John Mary Vienney, a play by St. Anthony’s church at Victoria Theatre

8 July
Movie mania in church
She’s the Man, Shark’s Tale, Dangerous Minds, and Exorcism of Emily Rose
Was quite fun. So grateful that Fr Arro gave permission. Maybe he likes me. Hehe.

13 July
Mummy’s birthday!!!

16 July
Sec 1 play on relationships

27-30 July
Bangkok!!!!

I am just so happy. The play that I went for – The Cure – was about St. John, the patron saint for priests. He was visited by The Devil nightly for years. The play, I would rate it as ok only, but I love the notebook given out, and the company that I went with.

I enjoyed the movie mania and the fellowship. I thank God for providing me with the community and love. Love is all I need. I could withstand the uncomfortable ness with the love that He provided.

Mummy’s birthday is coming!! We are going to celebrate on 12 July. My little niece Tricia’s birthday just passed to, 9 July. Haven’t seen them in 3 weeks, so excited in seeing them again. And their little puppy, Whisky too.

Oh, and I played guitar on the 7th. I thank God for giving me that chance through Ivan. No one else would ask me anyway, but I know that God was the one behind it, who gave me that chance, and thereafter, the support and the encouragement from the people. There is one thing I know, and that is I love playing and singing praise songs to Him with my guitar. I just wish my voice and singing was better. I thank you all for your encouragement. But I do not believe that I am good with the guitar. I have a long way to go. I want to be able to play for mass one day, if its possible. But right now, I just want to be able to play more songs.

And I am leading this Friday. Am I afraid? A little bit!!! But the fear is less! Because I am leaving it in His hands!!! He will take over! Can you imagine me saying this one month ago. No right haha. But I am just so happy. Because of Him. Only one thing – and that is I hope that I can tahan at work (I don’t have an understanding boss and some customers can get pretty nasty) and discern what’s next for me.

And I am just so happy doing these things. Playing for praise. Leading praise. Simple things like movie mania. The upcoming Sec 1 play!!! I am just so happy to be involved with things on this level. I am just praying that the upcoming fun fair will be alright coz it’s huge. As long as I pray and leave it in His hands I’m sure it will.

Oh, and I will be off to Bangkok end July!!! 4 days 3 nights. Paid $274 for air tickets. Karen paid for hotel. Will be setting aside probably another $500 or so for shopping. So ex right. But I am saving up. I would like to go travelling next year. It is through travelling that I can experience so much. And during this time, I must read up more – bible, non fiction books, gain more knowledge, exercise a bit. Life is good at this point!!! Thank you Jesus! Amen!

“ The Lord plans to prosper you.. not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”
Jeremiah 29:11

11 July 2006
2.30pm