Dealing with Life
Dealing with life .. is not so bad, with God on your side.
God knows that I’ve been going through some rollercoaster topsy turvy emotional period lately. Haven’t been that high on my faith recently but with what I was going through, I started questioning my self worth and had to reassure myself that God loves me and God is with me.
On Monday while in the office I suddenly felt so depressed and was trying my best to pray and search for past emails for words of comfort and bible phrases but could find none. Even at night when I was saying my prayers the words of the bible just stared out blankly at me. And then yesterday suddenly I noticed this card, which I had stuck on my pc, with the word “Courage” on one side and with this verse on the other: “Joshua 1:9 Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee withersoever thou goest”. It was right in front of me and I did not notice it on Monday! It was just as well, coz I kept on repeating the words and it helped me go through Tuesday. It was definitely God’s words for me. In fact, this card was special. I pulled it out from a huge pile of cards that Anne Marie was distributing to us who had just completed the Israel pilgramage last year. And even then, I knew the message on the card was for me. I’m just a very doubting person lah.. always not having much confidence in myself.
Well anyway, as you can see my point, it’s really amazing how things work out when you just try, even a little bit, to communicate with God. Even when you’ve not made an effort to in ages. Today God showed me just how much He loves me which was what I was trying to have the faith and to convince myself that He does.
The rainy season is back and of all days, it was raining in the morning today when I was about to leave for work. Usually I get ready in 25 minutes – I wake up at 7.15pm, come out of the bathroom at 7.30pm and gotta leave my house between 7.40-7.45pm to catch the 7.50pm bus. I will be combing my hair while I walk to the bus stop and putting on my earrings, etc at the same time. This time when I was at the void deck I started searching for my umbrella. Precious seconds passed. Arrggh! No umbrella! Oh no!!! I must have left it in my other bag when I went to the wetlands reserve on Sat!!! Ok I couldn’t afford to go back home and take one coz I would be supppperr late then. I decided to use my plastic file to keep my hair dry and luckily it wasn’t raining so heavily and there were a few trees and shelter on the way to the bus stop. Okie, hopefully by the time the bus reaches Thomson Road there would be no rain, as was usually the case. But noooo… when I was reaching Upper Thomson, the rain became heavier! Oh noo….despite me asking God to pleasse make the rain stop or smaller.. I couldn’t afford to walk in the heavy rain and risk falling sick…. I started to get a bit pissed as I usually do when these things happen but this time I told myself not to..no point I thought…but why didn’t God answer my prayer..hmm.. anyway, I had to wait it out and tick tock, each second was precious as it was already way pass 8.30. Anyway, less than a minute or so, 167 approached the bus stop but the rain didn’t stop. I could only watch people with their umbrellas making their way to the traffic light. Arrgghh.. I was so stuck.. and then Siti, this girl whom I recognised from MarComms dept, came down from the bus. Didn’t think she would remember me, but suddenly she turned towards me and asked if I wanted to share her umbrella. I was so surprised. Of all people! Someone who I didn’t really know, was not introduced to, and had not even talked to.. it was such a nice gesture on her part! And along the way to the office we had a nice chat.. I even got a compliment.. coz she thought I was 20 years old, like her!!! She was genuinely surprised to find out my real age. (Gosh I feel super old. I think I’ve reached that stage when a woman stops revealing her age, and which I shall do from now onwards heheh)
Anyway, it was super cool.. I asked God to make the rain stop, and instead, he gave me a new friend.
And then..
It is a fact that I do not hide and those of you whom I’m close to would know that I do not like school. The atmosphere is cold. No matter how I try, the lessons are fine, but the whole experience is so individualistic and unwelcoming that I really dread going for classes but there’s nothing I can do but bear with it for another year as I’ve already signed up for the course.
(Such is life… you make a decision, a choice, you gotta stick to it.. you can’t just say, oh, I’ve had enough and give up.. it just doesn’t work this way.. but this is kinda like what is happening to marriages nowadays?)
Each semester I have to deal with the whole process of making friends with people who do not want to make friends with, or who already have their own cliques, or whom I’ve become close to but we do not end up in the same class again, ever. On top of this, somehow or another, I have to deal with meeting people whom I do not want to meet. And it just keeps getting worse each semester. This semester I had to deal with a person from my past being in the same class as me. Bummer. What can I do? Ask for a change of class? Don’t go for class? Quit school? Neither, I just have to deal with it. Such is life.
Anyway, I went for my first class for a subject that I was taking today. As usual, I had to deal with the atmosphere of individualism, ‘I have my own clique, you’re not welcomed’, or ‘leave me alone, I do not want to be talked to’. Everyone sat by themselves or with their cliques, those who did not know each other did not talk, and you get my drift.
So yeah, during the break I was more or less prepared not to attend class anymore for this subject, because I personally felt that I was not getting anything much out of it. Then just as the second half of lecture was about to begin, the lecturer commented that some people thought they were not in the right class, and the girl sitting beside me asked aloud for the lecturer’s name, and I told her, and suddenly the ice was broken coz she asked me if I was from Radin Mas Primary and she said she was from there too. Amazing. Lecture started again, but after that, this little bit of info let to further conversation and breaking of the ice, and I found out that she recognised me coz my mom taught her previously, and then as we were about to leave as class was over, her friend came over and she told her friend that I was from the same primary school and this friend seemed genuinely nice and pleasantly surprised about this coincidence and I for one, recognised sincerity when I saw it and praise God, from a sea of unfriendly faces and coldness, he sent me two nice people my way and you will definitely see me in class next week.
God knows that I’ve been going through some rollercoaster topsy turvy emotional period lately. Haven’t been that high on my faith recently but with what I was going through, I started questioning my self worth and had to reassure myself that God loves me and God is with me.
On Monday while in the office I suddenly felt so depressed and was trying my best to pray and search for past emails for words of comfort and bible phrases but could find none. Even at night when I was saying my prayers the words of the bible just stared out blankly at me. And then yesterday suddenly I noticed this card, which I had stuck on my pc, with the word “Courage” on one side and with this verse on the other: “Joshua 1:9 Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee withersoever thou goest”. It was right in front of me and I did not notice it on Monday! It was just as well, coz I kept on repeating the words and it helped me go through Tuesday. It was definitely God’s words for me. In fact, this card was special. I pulled it out from a huge pile of cards that Anne Marie was distributing to us who had just completed the Israel pilgramage last year. And even then, I knew the message on the card was for me. I’m just a very doubting person lah.. always not having much confidence in myself.
Well anyway, as you can see my point, it’s really amazing how things work out when you just try, even a little bit, to communicate with God. Even when you’ve not made an effort to in ages. Today God showed me just how much He loves me which was what I was trying to have the faith and to convince myself that He does.
The rainy season is back and of all days, it was raining in the morning today when I was about to leave for work. Usually I get ready in 25 minutes – I wake up at 7.15pm, come out of the bathroom at 7.30pm and gotta leave my house between 7.40-7.45pm to catch the 7.50pm bus. I will be combing my hair while I walk to the bus stop and putting on my earrings, etc at the same time. This time when I was at the void deck I started searching for my umbrella. Precious seconds passed. Arrggh! No umbrella! Oh no!!! I must have left it in my other bag when I went to the wetlands reserve on Sat!!! Ok I couldn’t afford to go back home and take one coz I would be supppperr late then. I decided to use my plastic file to keep my hair dry and luckily it wasn’t raining so heavily and there were a few trees and shelter on the way to the bus stop. Okie, hopefully by the time the bus reaches Thomson Road there would be no rain, as was usually the case. But noooo… when I was reaching Upper Thomson, the rain became heavier! Oh noo….despite me asking God to pleasse make the rain stop or smaller.. I couldn’t afford to walk in the heavy rain and risk falling sick…. I started to get a bit pissed as I usually do when these things happen but this time I told myself not to..no point I thought…but why didn’t God answer my prayer..hmm.. anyway, I had to wait it out and tick tock, each second was precious as it was already way pass 8.30. Anyway, less than a minute or so, 167 approached the bus stop but the rain didn’t stop. I could only watch people with their umbrellas making their way to the traffic light. Arrgghh.. I was so stuck.. and then Siti, this girl whom I recognised from MarComms dept, came down from the bus. Didn’t think she would remember me, but suddenly she turned towards me and asked if I wanted to share her umbrella. I was so surprised. Of all people! Someone who I didn’t really know, was not introduced to, and had not even talked to.. it was such a nice gesture on her part! And along the way to the office we had a nice chat.. I even got a compliment.. coz she thought I was 20 years old, like her!!! She was genuinely surprised to find out my real age. (Gosh I feel super old. I think I’ve reached that stage when a woman stops revealing her age, and which I shall do from now onwards heheh)
Anyway, it was super cool.. I asked God to make the rain stop, and instead, he gave me a new friend.
And then..
It is a fact that I do not hide and those of you whom I’m close to would know that I do not like school. The atmosphere is cold. No matter how I try, the lessons are fine, but the whole experience is so individualistic and unwelcoming that I really dread going for classes but there’s nothing I can do but bear with it for another year as I’ve already signed up for the course.
(Such is life… you make a decision, a choice, you gotta stick to it.. you can’t just say, oh, I’ve had enough and give up.. it just doesn’t work this way.. but this is kinda like what is happening to marriages nowadays?)
Each semester I have to deal with the whole process of making friends with people who do not want to make friends with, or who already have their own cliques, or whom I’ve become close to but we do not end up in the same class again, ever. On top of this, somehow or another, I have to deal with meeting people whom I do not want to meet. And it just keeps getting worse each semester. This semester I had to deal with a person from my past being in the same class as me. Bummer. What can I do? Ask for a change of class? Don’t go for class? Quit school? Neither, I just have to deal with it. Such is life.
Anyway, I went for my first class for a subject that I was taking today. As usual, I had to deal with the atmosphere of individualism, ‘I have my own clique, you’re not welcomed’, or ‘leave me alone, I do not want to be talked to’. Everyone sat by themselves or with their cliques, those who did not know each other did not talk, and you get my drift.
So yeah, during the break I was more or less prepared not to attend class anymore for this subject, because I personally felt that I was not getting anything much out of it. Then just as the second half of lecture was about to begin, the lecturer commented that some people thought they were not in the right class, and the girl sitting beside me asked aloud for the lecturer’s name, and I told her, and suddenly the ice was broken coz she asked me if I was from Radin Mas Primary and she said she was from there too. Amazing. Lecture started again, but after that, this little bit of info let to further conversation and breaking of the ice, and I found out that she recognised me coz my mom taught her previously, and then as we were about to leave as class was over, her friend came over and she told her friend that I was from the same primary school and this friend seemed genuinely nice and pleasantly surprised about this coincidence and I for one, recognised sincerity when I saw it and praise God, from a sea of unfriendly faces and coldness, he sent me two nice people my way and you will definitely see me in class next week.
My heart was bursting with joy, and praise, and thanksgiving, for the wonderful God and the love he has showered upon me.
There is no such thing as coincidence, only God.
And God works wonders, especially when you leave your life in His hands.
posted by Marie Therese @ 12:33 am
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